Is Dating worth it?

The word never appealed to me, but we don't have a dating culture like in America etc.

However, it's not my thing. I would only do it if I was at least 90% sure that I'd actually be interested in something with this person. It's too much energy wasted on acting (pretending I'm kinda normal I guess) and possibly uninteresting chatting for me to do this often. And I don't want to take a big risk in having to tell them after that "I'm sorry, not interested".

roscid wrote:The concept of "dating" as a formal activity has always seemed odd to me. If I were to get into a relationship with someone it would have to arise organically somehow or else it would just feel very awkward for me.

Having an SO wouldn't really work because the relationship would require frequent and consistent maintenance which is not something that I can provide. I don't mind becoming intimate with some people in some instances but I need to be able to turn that relationship "off" when I need to, and that is just not a fair or realistic expectation.

I'm the sort of person who can be very emotionally indulgent in brief episodes but then completely cold and indifferent the rest of the time. That sort of thing would drive most people mad.

Why can't other people come with little power switches on their backs?

It is interesting how you use the word "organic", I feel like dating should occur the same way but I was disappointed to find out that at least for me it does not work like that. Honestly the whole thing feels forced, I feel like I'm selecting one person out of the masses as though they have some special trait that other people do not have but this feels like a lie.

I think you should go on one date and see how it goes. If you don't like it never do it again or wait until you feel more comfortable. If your just want you parents to stop bugging you then just get it over with but at least try.

I've been on 1 date and it was awful. I don't understand dating either. My relationships have been organic.
Yes relationships are worth it. Right up until they're not.

Vicecreama wrote:I think you should go on one date and see how it goes. If you don't like it never do it again or wait until you feel more comfortable. If your just want you parents to stop bugging you then just get it over with but at least try.

Hard to get dates though as a schizoid in my experience, especially as a male, I struggle with the whole get to know women thing, maybe its because I dont really care for small talk and getting to know women without small talk ability is nightmarishly hard in my experience.

roscid wrote:Having an SO wouldn't really work because the relationship would require frequent and consistent maintenance which is not something that I can provide. I don't mind becoming intimate with some people in some instances but I need to be able to turn that relationship "off" when I need to, and that is just not a fair or realistic expectation.

I'm the sort of person who can be very emotionally indulgent in brief episodes but then completely cold and indifferent the rest of the time. That sort of thing would drive most people mad.

I'm of a similar bent. Brief instances of intimacy (as distinct from romance, which repulses me) interspersed among a general backdrop of solitude is an arrangement that has worked well for me in the past. While true that standard courtship paradigms are generally incompatible with a baseline of complete emotional coldness, there are many other relationship structures that are more accommodating. For example, variants of non-monogamy are, in my experience, vastly useful for "outsourcing" emotional dependence and allowing oneself as much space as needed. But even within the limits of committed monogamy, it's certainly possible to build a relationship that allows (each of) you an arbitrary degree of independence. Finding the right sort of people is, as Kapper alluded, unfortunately another matter entirely.

Demigodz wrote:

JoeDark wrote:I would only consider dating someone with SPD.
Let's face it, who else on earth could put up with us?
Nuff said.

Would that be dating or just be acquaintances with benefits?

Weird ass ######6 situation though.
You: Um, hi. Sex?
Her: Yeah, it's not like I got something interesting to do anyway..

I do wonder how they're gonna do it though. Going slowly or doing it as fast as possible?
Also, what happens after it? I'd assume it's pretty much terrible for schizoid guys because not only they get the post-orgasm stuff that really makes you indifferent they have a ######6 (half) person next to them. Probably gonna make them wonder why they did that.

But if I was thinking on topic, friends with benefits would probably be ideal, but ideal and SPD are often on different ends of the line, like from 0 to 100.

I started online dating recently, but regretted signing up almost immediately. I don't want to go on dates with lots of people. I don't think I have the energy to commit to a relationship, it's too draining. I don't understand dating in general. I've been on my own for 8 years and I have been happy with my own company. I'm not sure I need someone else in my life besides me. I've had one successful relationship in my life and I am almost 40. Maybe it's time to stop looking.

Hasn't been in my experience. I would actually like to be in some kind of a relationship, but the chances of someone meeting my criteria and vice versa are probably slim to none. I did create an online profile a while ago and went on a couple dates. I'm just going to leave it up and check once in a while. It's not like I have that great of a chance of meeting someone elsewhere.

I've been asked out a few times, and there were also times when I've known someone liked me, but I've never tried out dating.

If a woman and I were trapped on a deserted island somewhere than I could see getting involved, since we would be one anothers' only chance at any kind of human interaction. Or if we still lived far apart from other people and had arranged marriages in order to bind one family to another, than I could see myself not fighting too hard against that.

But when we're surrounded by so many people already, and we can always find new people to interact with with the internet, I don't have any desire to enter into a relationship where I'm obligated to spend time with someone. It would make me feel like I have no privacy and no time to myself.

Not to mention that I disagree with monogamy.

I think it's a very silly thing that we've structured our concept of relationships in a way that goes against our natural instinct. There is no way for one person to ever be everything you are looking for, which is why infidelity rates are so high. There have been so many couples that I've watched grow to hate one another because of jealousy and fear over the idea that the person could find any ounce of happiness with someone other than themself. They try to control and restrict one another, which leads to resentment. Despite all that, we still carry on with the fairy tale notion of monogamy being the greatest thing ever.

But what do I know? I've only ever observed it from the outside.

On top of all that I'm also very uncomfortable with any kind of physical touch, as well as merely being physically near other people. There's not much point to dating if there's no physical component. That's just friends.