Should We Change?

If I could change my inner self so that I could feel bonds with other human beings, I think I'd take it in a heartbeat, because I see where it's just so much more beneficial to be an authentically social human being. I've seen it this past year where my inability to be that kind of person has really been damaging to achieving the things that I want to achieve in life, and it's been really punishing on me as a person. It's not the family part so much that's a goal for me. It's more professionally that it's really been a problem. I can't really imagine myself having a family. I think I'd like to fall in love once though. It seems like a rather magical experience. I feel like I have all of the other necessary ingredients to be a successful human being. I just really lack the one thing.

I am fairly adept, maybe more adept than most, at faking it. I can fake it for long periods of time, as long as I make sure to get the right amount of alone time where I can pursue outside interests. When my free time starts getting filled too much by other people and tasks for other people, I crumble. I can't fathom how some people can come home at night and take comfort in another person being there. I don't understand how people can work all day, steadily, on one particular goal. I need balance between together and alone, productive and receptive.

EtherealStarlight wrote:it's about time that we make a thread about this.

do you think that schizoids should try to change? does spd cause unnecessary pain to others? is spd okay as long as you take certain precautions (like not getting married because you can't provide for your spouse's emotional needs, stuff like that)? does spd make your life difficult? is it worth having little pleasure if you get little pain, too? and why am i asking so many questions?

First of all, normies cause each other unnecessary pain all the time, so this is nothing I'm very concerned about. And I think as long as you are able to live a functional (whatever that means to you) life, you are just fine the way you are. But if some aspects of spd cause you distress, there is probably some work to be done.
Personally, I'm not very happy with my situation right now and spd definitely plays a role in that. Thoug I don't think that I am a textbook spd specimen, there's probably some other shenanigans mixed in.

EtherealStarlight wrote:i would add my opinion, but... i'm not totally sure what it is. i'm okay with being schizoid, and i try my best to take care of what few not-too-close family relationships that i do have. then again, i can really see how spd can mess up your life and i've had some problems with having no social network, no motivation, and no interests. i hear good arguments for and against.

so what do you all think? X3

There are definitely some practical problems if you're not a secret schizoid. Socializing always seems like some secret alien craft to me, but you just don't get around it. My lack of drive also caused a lot of problems for me in the past. If I had just enough social skills and motivation/energy to get what I want, I would probably be a very happy person.

Maybe I'm just pessimistic, but I don't see how I could change. Most of the symptoms are all preferences. If I could choose to enjoy things that I don't enjoy, I'd obviously do it. Who wouldn't want the ability to enjoy even the most boring of chores? I just don't understand how I could, though.

For the emotional symptoms, I'm not sure. I guess I could probably get meds or something to make me emotional, but from where I am currently, it just seems like it'd be fake. I know people who get shaken up about every single disaster, terrorist attack, and epidemic they hear about on the news. To the me who exists in my head right now, it seems 1. completely unbelievable and 2. like a very painful state of mind to be in.

That's a tricky question, because most of the reasons for changing would not necessarily be ones Schizoids care about.

"You should change to be more social."
Haha

"To be a more functional member of society."
I never understood this question, although I heard it a long time ago and it kind of stuck with me. I volunteer, I help people out, I probably give more than I take. What exactly do I owe to society? But I digress. This one doesn't apply to me either.

"So you don't hurt anyone."
It's not like I'm trying. If they're getting hurt it's because their expectations are too high.

Yeah for me the only way I'd be able to change is if my brain was "rewired" entirely different. As it is right now even if my memory of all the thoughts I've had regarding how I interact with people/who I am was wiped away, I'd still eventually get to the same viewpoint after a lot of introspection.

If I could change I would only agree if I had no prior knowledge of how I used to think. I would need to be ignorantly bliss 100%. At this point though If I was to change I would be a completely different person and I'm not sure I want to change. The way some normal people act I defiantly would not want to become like them.

Change into what? This is all I have really known my whole life. I have thought about this a lot actually. Kind of like if I could hit a magic reset button, and become normal would I do it? I don't think I would mostly because I would hate to become like my classmates. Always stressing out about stupid things, always wasting my time trying to keep up with what is cool, and always caring about how other people think about me. They seem to be so dependent on each other it makes me sick. I do kind of envy normal people's ability to socialize. It would be nice to experience true happiness, or fall in love with someone. Overall i guess I can say I want to better myself, but not change myself.

On a completely different note Rob K. I have made it my mission to see one of your posts before you delete it.

EtherealStarlight wrote:do you think that schizoids should try to change?

I can't see how any answer to this question relying solely on binary group-based distinctions such as "XPD" vs "non-XPD" can ever be meaningful. I can only see such answers as rationalizations (i.e. either unfalsifiable assertions, or logically disconnected observations, evoked through selection bias and presented as matter-of-fact arguments, purportedly supporting what, in fact, are inflexible standpoints).

does spd cause unnecessary pain to others?

Adopting a loose interpretation for the implied concept of causality, I suppose it often does. But then again, is pain being caused unnecessarily, or is pain being suffered unnecessarily? It's not a straightforward thing to judge. It depends a lot on the context and on the level of responsibility involved.

is spd okay as long as you take certain precautions (like not getting married because you can't provide for your spouse's emotional needs, stuff like that)?

SPD comprises the whole personality of a person, so you have to be more specific: which aspects of it? Also, okay for whom?

does spd make your life difficult?

Difficulty is a relative measure. So: difficult compared to what?

is it worth having little pleasure if you get little pain, too?

Okay this one I do have a (personal) answer to: no.

Still, my primary criterion is sustainability rather than pleasure itself.

I like what anagram said, and I think it's intuitively a case by case person by person sort of question and answer.

In my case, my schizoid characteristics don't seem to drag me down too often. They have at specific times, but they are mostly just my own personal preferences and emotions and I can't see any reason to change them unless it's hurting me or other people somehow.

EtherealStarlight wrote:it's about time that we make a thread about this.
do you think that schizoids should try to change?

No.

EtherealStarlight wrote: does spd cause unnecessary pain to others?

Yes. Unnecessary from the point of view of the one on the receiving hand. Nobody likes to be rejected, especially for no reason. There is also the problem that if you end up in a group, but don't really participate, people don't know what to do, which causes them pain. Psychologists also complain about some transference strain, but they are cry babies.

EtherealStarlight wrote: is spd okay as long as you take certain precautions (like not getting married because you can't provide for your spouse's emotional needs, stuff like that)?

It does not matter if it is ok or not. It's not illegal in my area. Actually, the type of precautions you are talking about are the same that others don't want you to do, so clearly, they would not find that excuse very convincing.

EtherealStarlight wrote: does spd make your life difficult?

Very.

EtherealStarlight wrote:is it worth having little pleasure if you get little pain, too?

If you can forget the pain and remember the pleasure, then yes. I don't think I can, or it does not get processed in the same way. I don't deny myself beforehand, but when I remember what I did, it is painful, unless it was perfect, in which case I will not feel anything special about it. It's like the decision center was not concerned about the pleasure, which is strange. Anyway.

I guess the answer I would give is that you should try things that you imagine might be positive, if you have not done so. Only if remembering about that thing is painful then you should not do it. I think it is common sense and everybody does that. There is a lot of people though that will not do something because they anticipate some pain. I don't know if that prejudice can be fought, but if it can, it should be. I can't really tell, because my anticipation is usually positive, so I never had that issue.

Do you think SPD is a renunciation of the social realm, or a natural temperament?