Who would be compatible with someone with SPD?

questioning_life wrote:Not Dx with this but I'm comfortable in this forum. Just wanted to say this thread I find fascinating. See ya around

Welcome.

Blackthorn wrote:Anyways, out of this I've found that for myself the people that can handle me best have a couple of underlying things going on.

1.) Have their own life.
Anybody who attempted to live through me vicariously was bored and done with me in a week. Definitely had to have a hobby that had nothing to do with me.

2.) Has an external social network.
I can be a shoulder to cry on, but I empathize about as well as a pet rock.

3.) Does not shut up.
I don't know why this on this one. Just a pattern I have found.

4.) Has a sexual appetite.
? - Dated an asexual for a while. The relationship was not fun. I've always thought that a certain level of physical attraction was required to exist in the relationship. Didn't realize just how correct I was with this one.

5.) Can deal with the fact that I'm an asshole.
I think that kind of speaks clearly.

Thanks Blackthorn, all of the above would appear to be optional but helpful to me as well.
1. Never considered this before, probably has always happened naturally.
2. Yeah I try, but would have to agree, by nature I should fail more than average here.
3. Optional, but I do really enjoy the one-sided conversations, it's like, no pressure at all.
4. Optional, but I do have unlimited enjoyment of it when it's good.
5. XD, describing my perfect woman, XD

Someone who shares your interests and is understanding towards your disorder/interested in it. I don't see the point in two SPD's together, it would get messy real fast.

[quote="EdgyNickname"]Someone who shares your interests and is understanding towards your disorder/interested in it. quote]

from the outside looking in. written above, independent, confident, jealousy issue, can deal with having own life.

Some one like my husband. He is also distant and never talks. He is not schizoid though. He is avoidant at times. He only expects sex from me...but I can feel his frustration that I am not interested in anything. We have almost been married twenty years and he wont believe me that I am schizoid. So I told him what I felt one day....I said remember the woman who drowned her five children. I felt nothing....
"If my nephew died I would feel nothing"... I have to pretend to feel anything. Ok I did not tell him the nephew part. My best advice is to not get married so you have a way out.

"Before you find that you are in a relationship with a schizoid, get some counseling advice to manage your levels of exhaustion. Their silence and blunt affect can be very frustrating especially for a person who likes to engage in conversation and is not afraid to show appropriate emotions. Schizoids are capable of wonderful relationships but you need to understand their natural limitations and not have expectations that contradict with their abilities." I found this quote on Psychology today.

I would say the perfect mate is someone else who has the same diagnosis. Then neither party would have to hide their lack of feelings or invent a persona to deal with the marriage.

As someone with severe personality disorder(schizoid) and depression diagnoses, i have found out that i always work really well with people on the autism spectrum. They seem to appreciate my very to-the-point approach of things, and i appreciate how they aren't very needy in relationships.
We also share a lot of the same interests.

I don't know.
I've been married twice, and twice divorced.
Neither marriage was short (fifteen years and thirteen years) and my wives were very different people, and both from very different backgrounds to me.
The divorces were definitely due to my SPD, but I had (undiagnosed) SPD when I met them.
They married me for their reasons (which didn't include fantastic sex, as I tend to be asexual), and stayed with me for their reasons, with social convention being one element. It definitely wasn't status or wealth, as I have neither.
I married them because they wanted to be with me.
I loved them both and still do, whatever love is.

For me it would be someone who has little emotional needs. Preferably someone I can talk to if I am feeling sociable. Someone who also enjoys to read and tends to be on the quiet side. Definitely not someone who loves television because I find it to be loud and obnoxious and tends to interrupt my activities. Televisions are definitely a pet peeve of mine. Also someone who is patient and laid back (the complete opposite of what my father was). Definitely not someone who is lazy. It would also need to be someone who can teach me new things as well as them learning from me. It's mostly fantasy in my head, but maybe one day i'll be able to stand someone enough and be able to be comfortable in their presence.

While I would personally never even consider being in a relationship, if I was interested in being in one, it would have to be someone that:

1. Has their own separate room (better yet, their own apartment/house)
2. Has no interest in socializing (i.e., doesn't have people over to the house)
3. Doesn't expect me to engage in conversation or go places with them
4. Doesn't want or need anything from me in terms of my time, energy, attention, etc.
5. Is an extreme introvert/hermit type