Who would be compatible with someone with SPD?

My problem is that I was always diagnosed with a PD but never a specific one until recently. I always tried to hide my nature by being in a relationship and self medicating by drinking lots but my relationships where destructive because of my personality and lack of commitment to the relationship.

However I've been married for some years now (no more drinking) and my true personality has come out (it's just not possible to hide who I am any more). However, I still want to be with my wife, therefore we have some rules regarding space and my having time alone. It's difficult to manage but doable - if you have the desire to. Also she knows that I care for and love her, but knows I cannot show it.

My shrink described my schizoid traits as being doors that are all locked and my wife should be given the key. The key is trust, and the trust is never to open the door but to have the key. The doors I think are my emotions which I don't "feel" or show, due to childhood experiences and something apparently I've developed as a coping mechanism.

indifference wrote:

Darwinschild wrote:

indifference wrote:As for sleeping next to someone, this is difficult but I want to be with my wife so I accept that I need to share my space with her, on occasions however I sleep on the sofa just to get a bit space.

Don't you think it would be worth it, to share some space with someone, just to fill the emptiness?

There are times when I feel lonely but not when I am getting ready to go to sleep. In fact, that is the time I tend to enjoy the most. Usually, it is when I am trying to avoid doing something like studying, going out, or exercising that I feel it would be nice to have someone around to distract me from my thoughts.

I have an inverse question.

Let's say a couple of pwSPD seek out partners (or are partially pursued by someone, and we're not against the idea, which may be the case more often, unsure).

A possible scenario ensues where the partner attempts to make pwSPD jealous by flirting with other another potential competition of the same gender, or talking to or buffing their ego in public more, or as lesser examples such as talking about them to you privately excessively (at least once per conversation or so). One can assume that this has to go on for some time, and not a one-off thing, otherwise it doesn't count for the scenario. Assumed base reason for this: partner is insecure.

[Assumed not a reason: not paying them enough attention, or else they need 60/24/7 attention]

Can a pwSPD survive in a relationship with this, should we be able to, or not, etc. I am wondering, for me personally, I can put off jealousy for so long then I just don't know what to do anymore, if the above doesn't stop. Not a big fan of confrontation, or double standards either (but let's throw double standards out of the window and pretend it doesn't exist).

Should a pwSPD be stoic in this case or would it in reality just not be possible? Do we need to find a partner that won't try to evoke jealousy? (or we supposed to feel jealousy at all)

Insecurity and jealousy just seem like the two silliest and non-valid reasons that a relationship wouldn't work (as opposed to things like cheating, lying, those should be much worse), so trying to figure this one out.

Daven wrote:Should a pwSPD be stoic in this case or would it in reality just not be possible? Do we need to find a partner that won't try to evoke jealousy? (or we supposed to feel jealousy at all)

Insecurity and jealousy just seem like the two silliest and non-valid reasons that a relationship wouldn't work (as opposed to things like cheating, lying, those should be much worse), so trying to figure this one out.

What you described sounds like obvious, intentional manipulation. I would have trouble maintaining a relationship with such a person, not out of jealousy or insecurity, but just because I cannot stand such people and wouldn't be able to trust someone like that enough to enter into a serious relationship with them in the first place.

Daven wrote:I have an inverse question.

Let's say a couple of pwSPD seek out partners (or are partially pursued by someone, and we're not against the idea, which may be the case more often, unsure).

A possible scenario ensues where the partner attempts to make pwSPD jealous by flirting with other another potential competition of the same gender, or talking to or buffing their ego in public more, or as lesser examples such as talking about them to you privately excessively (at least once per conversation or so). One can assume that this has to go on for some time, and not a one-off thing, otherwise it doesn't count for the scenario. Assumed base reason for this: partner is insecure.

[Assumed not a reason: not paying them enough attention, or else they need 60/24/7 attention]

Can a pwSPD survive in a relationship with this, should we be able to, or not, etc. I am wondering, for me personally, I can put off jealousy for so long then I just don't know what to do anymore, if the above doesn't stop. Not a big fan of confrontation, or double standards either (but let's throw double standards out of the window and pretend it doesn't exist).

Should a pwSPD be stoic in this case or would it in reality just not be possible? Do we need to find a partner that won't try to evoke jealousy? (or we supposed to feel jealousy at all)

Insecurity and jealousy just seem like the two silliest and non-valid reasons that a relationship wouldn't work (as opposed to things like cheating, lying, those should be much worse), so trying to figure this one out.

Despite what other posts might suggest, SPD does not mean you do not experience emotion. Unless you were born without an amygdala, I don't see how that would be possible. So no, I don't think an SPD should be expected to be better or worse at regulating their emotions.

Daven wrote:Should a pwSPD be stoic in this case or would it in reality just not be possible? Do we need to find a partner that won't try to evoke jealousy? (or we supposed to feel jealousy at all)

Insecurity and jealousy just seem like the two silliest and non-valid reasons that a relationship wouldn't work (as opposed to things like cheating, lying, those should be much worse), so trying to figure this one out.

If someone wants you to be jealous, I think it is a good enough reason to end a relationship. Either the person wants you to jump for them, or they would rather be with someone else. Or both. In any case, your relationship is not very solid.

On the other hand, jealousy is part and parcel of every relationship. You are supposed to be jealous, otherwise, it won't last. I guess it is a matter of degree.

-- Wed May 01, 2013 9:41 am --

indifference wrote:My shrink described my schizoid traits as being doors that are all locked and my wife should be given the key. The key is trust, and the trust is never to open the door but to have the key. The doors I think are my emotions which I don't "feel" or show, due to childhood experiences and something apparently I've developed as a coping mechanism.

He wants you to make the same mistake Bluebeard did.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bluebeard

someone that has same hobby as you do.
like if it's super fun to talk about some subject you are interested in with that person
you'd sure prefer to have him/her than not

-- Wed May 01, 2013 11:47 pm --

omg i am not rejected from spd forum ? O.Osince when? dawww acception ~

What you described sounds like obvious, intentional manipulation. I would have trouble maintaining a relationship with such a person, not out of jealousy or insecurity, but just because I cannot stand such people and wouldn't be able to trust someone like that enough to enter into a serious relationship with them in the first place.

Thanks for the opinion, the trust issue was heavily weighed upon my mind as well. I think perhaps another possibility is it could be not deliberate, or was perhaps because pwSPD wasn't interacting with her as well publicly as in private. If the like is too much for the potential partner then not going to give up after just one period of uncomfortableness, would like to see how it proceeds.

OneRinger wrote:

indifference wrote:My shrink described my schizoid traits as being doors that are all locked and my wife should be given the key. The key is trust, and the trust is never to open the door but to have the key. The doors I think are my emotions which I don't "feel" or show, due to childhood experiences and something apparently I've developed as a coping mechanism.

He wants you to make the same mistake Bluebeard did.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bluebeard

LOL interesting.

Not Dx with this but I'm comfortable in this forum. Just wanted to say this thread I find fascinating. See ya around