Who would be compatible with someone with SPD?

I'd have to wait until he/she falls asleep and then go to my own separate room with my own bed.

That works for me too, it might work for everyone else that wants to sleep with their partner. I don't know if it matters that you actually wake up next to them or not, after all, some people can get up and be awake without disturbing their partner's sleep and they don't wake up together, but they went to sleep together.

I had a partner that would stay with me until I fell asleep the few times I was falling asleep or in pain on the couch, then go to bed or do whatever she was doing herself. She was nice like that. Can't see anything wrong with it if it applied to the bedroom.

Obumbrata wrote:I think the trick would be to obtain an object of value from the other which can only be returned on the next date. So if you go on a first date with a schizoid, steal something from him. Let him know you have it, and are willing to give it back on your next date, and repeat.

Don't do this. I would become easily infuriated with someone who did this.

A person who would be compatible with someone with SPD would be more like a good friend rather than a demanding partner. Generally he would have his life and she would have her life without placing excessive demands or even any demands on one another, but occasionally they would do things together and provide support for one another.

Personally, it really wouldn't even matter to me if my partner was sexually faithful to me, or whatever, as long as I like her company and her behavior doesn't become MY problem, get it? As long as she doesn't create problems for me, we're okay. It's only when she starts creating problems for me and interferes in my life that we start having a problem.

Don't do this.

A person who would be compatible with someone with SPD would be more like a good friend rather than a demanding partner. Generally he would have his life and she would have her life without placing excessive demands or even any demands on one another, but occasionally they would do things together and provide support for one another.

I agree on both counts even though everyone is individual. I know the "steal" part was actually a joke though. It would feel like suffocation, drama, pressure if someone actually did that without my acceptance.

The latter goes without saying. If a norm expected me to produce a certain level of expression or positive interaction with their more negative swings of emotions, bad days, and so on, I would find that pretty difficult. I don't mind a neutral or happy mood, it's only the negative moods and the expectations that a partner might have on me on dealing with them that would be problematic for me really.

Obumbrata wrote:I could do everything except share a bed. I'd have to wait until he/she falls asleep and then go to my own separate room with my own bed. I don't know how uncommon that would be for the other person. Are people ok with not always sharing a bed with their partners?
I like the idea of a conjugal bed, but with separate rooms for being alone when needed.

I don't want to have to feel obligated to wait for someone to be comfortable sleeping on a shared bed, then quietly slip away so I can have my own space. Too much work.

I don't think it is that strange for an individual's need for personal space to include the bedroom; problems falling asleep with another person sharing the bed and a desire for privacy are two valid reasons for doing so. More space for storage and a shared bed would not work.

First of all, I need to explain something... I have? (or maybe had?) a crush on a schizoid guy. I know it's stupid, but it's true. That's why I came here:

schizoid-personality/topic111070.html

I know it's not logic at all to fall in love with a boy you met online, but this has been hard for me, because what I know about him is the closest thing to my soulmate. But as I have no chances, I need to totally get over this.

So I'm not precisely looking for a partner. I'm here because I want to know more about all of you, and well, if I meet someone, and we became friends, it's perfect for me. And if I can find my soulmate that would be more than perfect. However, it's not my priority. I would like to find a partner, but I'm not desperate at all (believe it or not). I just like joking about it, even though what I said about the schizoid compatibility is true.

BTW, two of my best friends (IRL) are schizoids.

Obumbrata wrote:I think the trick would be to obtain an object of value from the other which can only be returned on the next date. So if you go on a first date with a schizoid, steal something from him. Let him know you have it, and are willing to give it back on your next date, and repeat.

Nick_J wrote:
Well, that was forthright, if you're ever in the UK do let me know. Nice girls are so hard to find.

Thank you, and for sure, I will!

Mrfeathers wrote:
I had a good laugh at that. Not at you personally, just the blatancy of it is very funny. I hope your efforts yield fruition, that would be very interesting.

Daven wrote:This is probably a good place as any to find a schizoid person if you're not already one, not sure about the odds of something happening.

I've noticed there seems to be a small audience of people that have an attraction to the spd mindset. I'd be interested to see how that plays out in reality.

I find it funny too... I hadn't noticed that my post says: "I'm desperate, I want to get married"

Of course, it's a great place to find a schizoid person.

Well, I think it would work. Two years ago I met a schizoid guy (IRL), he asked me to be his girlfriend. We had a great friendship. Unfortunately, he was not the type of guy I was looking for (but mainly it was because I thought I had a chance with the other guy, so I didn't accept ), besides he moved out to another city.

Daven wrote:The latter goes without saying. If a norm expected me to produce a certain level of expression or positive interaction with their more negative swings of emotions, bad days, and so on, I would find that pretty difficult. I don't mind a neutral or happy mood, it's only the negative moods and the expectations that a partner might have on me on dealing with them that would be problematic for me really.

I think this is difficult not only for schizoids, but for everyone. It can be stressful. However, it's impossible to "look happy or neutral" all the time, at least for me. I think that, in those cases, what most people expect is just a hug and something like: "Everything is going to be OK, I'm here". Then, you can leave the room...

Kabuhi wrote:

A person who would be compatible with someone with SPD would be more like a good friend rather than a demanding partner.

I totally agree with you.

Obumbrata wrote:I could do everything except share a bed.

I'm not sure about this... I can get used to either share a bed or not. I'm adaptable.

Daven wrote:That's what I like about it. I'm blatent too. If I don't put any limits on myself, I'm blatently honest!
I think if someone can say what they think and want and nobody is surprised or offended or can make a snap recoil judgement on the blatency of it, could be a good thing.

I'd be interested how it plays out too, having a vested interest in it.

Hi Guess

I'm subtly blatent... I mean, I like being honest, but without hurting other people's feelings.

Kabuhi wrote:
A person who would be compatible with someone with SPD would be more like a good friend rather than a demanding partner. Generally he would have his life and she would have her life without placing excessive demands or even any demands on one another, but occasionally they would do things together and provide support for one another.

Personally, it really wouldn't even matter to me if my partner was sexually faithful to me, or whatever, as long as I like her company and her behavior doesn't become MY problem, get it? As long as she doesn't create problems for me, we're okay. It's only when she starts creating problems for me and interferes in my life that we start having a problem.

This, a million times. The question is, whats the common definition of a partner? If there are no emotional dependencies, its more like friends. You interact with them occaisionally, but mind your own business most of the time.

Haha, this thread greatly amused me - how many times did I read something and think, "oh man, it's funny cause it's true!" ... five? Six? Eighty-five billion? Eh. Didn't exactly keep tally, but you f-ckers crack me up.

In terms of a partner, I seriously think the part that interests me the most is the potential knowledge and wisdom that could be observed and consequently interpolated into one's life. I'm much more interested in extracting a lesson or two and assuaging my insatiable thirst for interpersonal knowledge than having to spend the time "getting to know" someone and having to discern and wholly comprehend their emotional needs. To echo the sentiment expressed by literally everyone here, not only do I not really get people's paroxysmal responses to stimuli, I also have no idea how to deal with how *I* feel about sh-t, which would throw a screwball to pretty much every chick out there.

...like, there was a girl who was kinda into me for a couple years. She was A) introverted as all f-ck; B) already in a bad relationship, which I assumed was the crux of her aforementioned "needs." Which was great - means I get the good parts and none of the bullsh-t. We talked about cool stuff and the other idiot was left with the emotional frivolities. Of course, til she decided hitting me up with how distraught she actually was in that relationship seemed like as good plan. I just kinda stoically sat there and tried to conjure up an objective analysis of her situation, but nothing came to me. After that, her interest in me overtly waned. Stopped talking to me completely. She apparently met another dude and left the other guy for him. So my assumption was that she was trying to bait me into making a move? Faulty idea, since I have no idea how to make any moves whatsoever. But I still don't get that (assuming it's even true, which it very well may not be) - why play games with my head? Just stop hanging out with the other guy and hit me up instead. Case closed. But I don't know... I could very well be off base on all of that. Ok, now to end this astoundingly unsolicited rant...

Also. Purple monkey dishwasher.

My guess (based on experiences and definitely shaky ground for me) is that she wanted you to make a move, and when you didn't she took that for meaning you weren't interested in her. She probably wasn't playing a game, she just didn't understand why you didn't act another way.

I can understand not making those moves at that time, assuming you were even interested anyway which wasn't necessarily implied, but then I'm dx: SPD, pssst, purple monkey dishwasher.

Question, do you think pwSPD wait for the other person to make the first moves (or from a perspective of a non, the first moves, which is more objective and harder to answer), or do we always pursue a relationship if we actually want one?
I guess the answers from the perspective of a PwSPD and of a non are both important.

Posting on this thread? That's a Paddlin'

Hi!

SalsaShark wrote:
...like, there was a girl who was kinda into me for a couple years. She was A) introverted as all f-ck; B) already in a bad relationship, which I assumed was the crux of her aforementioned "needs." Which was great - means I get the good parts and none of the bullsh-t. We talked about cool stuff and the other idiot was left with the emotional frivolities. Of course, til she decided hitting me up with how distraught she actually was in that relationship seemed like as good plan. I just kinda stoically sat there and tried to conjure up an objective analysis of her situation, but nothing came to me. After that, her interest in me overtly waned. Stopped talking to me completely. She apparently met another dude and left the other guy for him. So my assumption was that she was trying to bait me into making a move? Faulty idea, since I have no idea how to make any moves whatsoever. But I still don't get that (assuming it's even true, which it very well may not be) - why play games with my head? Just stop hanging out with the other guy and hit me up instead. Case closed. But I don't know... I could very well be off base on all of that. Ok, now to end this astoundingly unsolicited rant...

Also. Purple monkey dishwasher.

Hmmm, IDK. Maybe you said something that hurt her feelings? Or she noticed that she had no chances with you?

Daven wrote:My guess (based on experiences and definitely shaky ground for me) is that she wanted you to make a move, and when you didn't she took that for meaning you weren't interested in her. She probably wasn't playing a game, she just didn't understand why you didn't act another way.

I can understand not making those moves at that time, assuming you were even interested anyway which wasn't necessarily implied, but then I'm dx: SPD, pssst, purple monkey dishwasher.

Question, do you think pwSPD wait for the other person to make the first moves (or from a perspective of a non, the first moves, which is more objective and harder to answer), or do we always pursue a relationship if we actually want one?
I guess the answers from the perspective of a PwSPD and of a non are both important.

Posting on this thread? That's a Paddlin'

You could totally be right about that. Frankly, the whole thing left me incredibly flummoxed. I did like her fine... I would've dated her or whatever, but the expectations of emotional closeness would've been way too much. Her: "I love you." Me: "you love *soup?* What an odd thing to say..."

I really wouldn't know how to deal with something like that. The first hint of anything all romantic or emotional, and I'd probably just sit there like a statue. I try to deflect a lot of topics I dislike with jokes - I find people forget sh-t easily if you make a joke about something remotely tangential. But with all that emotional codswallop (good word), I can't even do that. So I guess what I'm trying to fly at here is... clearly she and I were never gonna go places, anyway. Meh.

As for your question, well, I think people like us *can* make the first move, but it would probably be a f-cking chore. I guess it's a question of, is going through the trouble of discerning the appropriate social action to take worth it? She'd probably have to be pretty damn special. And by definition, special almost never happens. So yeah...

To continue the theme going here, I gotta drop some knowledge from one of the pioneer thinkers of my time...

"Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is: never try."

Heh heh.