Therapy - what worked for you, what didn't?

^
I said the same thing, about the tool part. In fact, the second time I went to a psych, it was especially for that, and only for that. But they don't do that it seems. Was even told lately that it was immature to expect that and that they dealt only with mature people, so I came to the conclusion that it was not for me. Strangely enough, that is what I was saying too when the psych got upset. So I have to believe that they have what it takes because they say so, but also that they don't because I am a sinner of the worst kind. lol

Realy, i don't think they have a clue what we're about, do they?

How is there a difference between my the'mind'rapist being allowed to be herself and me being allowed to be myself if we are both not harming society with our actions. I don't see it. Its just this mantra of uniformity being forced upon you every time. I do not want to be uniform, i am at my core not uniform with the majority, so i'm just that slightly green pebble getting tossed asside from the pile of shiny white pebbles because, what? i don't fit in, i make the whole look bad? umm... can you think of anything, ohh maybe my green color might rub off on the shiny white pebbles? hmm... i honestly can not think of anything valid as to why this uniformity is so desperately needed in society.

flora wrote:Realy, i don't think they have a clue what we're about, do they?

It is something I am asking myself. They do and they don't at the same time. It is like an alternate reality that has in their mind no bearing on reality, as far as I can tell. So there is a concept out there, a diagnosis, and it can be applied on people. But it is all theoretical. In practice, a lot of professional still act like if they did not know anything. So their knowledge does not affect their acts. It is like someone who knows something is bad, but somehow it does not apply to them or what they do. This form of separation seems to be quite common. It baffles me too much to be able to deal with that, so I gave up trying. Especially in a case like this where those psychological concepts are pretty vague and all encompassing, it would take forever to figure out a basis for work, especially given the fact that they believe they have everything figured out already before I said anything. It takes two to dance.

flora wrote:i honestly can not think of anything valid as to why this uniformity is so desperately needed in society.

There is a lot of reasons actually. But in the end, the reason you go there is to conform to some degree, so in a way, they are justified to expect some changes. How much and how fast though is the big question, and also what can reasonably be expected and not is another issue. But from my experience, I had the impression I had to be already totally different to even start, so it was a non starter.

* Have you had therapy
Yes

* how long
On and off over 10 years but it wasn't always for SPD.

* what kind
Can't remember all of them or the names but counselling, CBT, psychotherapy, individual and group therapy. Also tried anti-depressants and anti-psychotics.

* were you positively or negatively influenced by it or did nothing change
CBT did help the social anxiety, which was the reason I went there in the first place. Nothing had any effect whatsoever on the SPD. Except I remember whatever medication they put me on, did make me depressed.

* What were the things that helped
CBT

* what is absolutely 'no go' for you
Nothing. I would have tried anything. Unlike quite a few people with SPD, I want to change.

Yes, i want to change as well and i have changed quite a bit over the past year, However the 'quite a bit' would look like tiny details to others, might not even be regarded as change at all, but to me its a positive change, and i don't care what everyone else thinks, its my life, if i think i'm improving, i am.

I would love to be able to work, but it always involves people somehow and it's something i just can't cope with. I burn out after as little as 2 months. Though i've had some absolutely wonderful jobs, it wasn't enough to keep me hanging onto them, the people just ruin it for me. I've had so much job coaching i'm not even getting that anymore, i'm a 'lost cause' to them, they litteraly said that to me. Wow... that made me feel realy good, i tell ya. They finally just put me on dissabillity after 15 years of hell, so now i'm at home.

I STILL would love to find a way to participate in my own way, but i genuinely can't seem to be able to do it and i need HELP. erghgh... i'm so tired of it.

This probably doesn't qualify as the type of therapy you had in mind, but I was on Risperidone for a short while, which is an antipsychotic medication. It wasn't so bad in the short run, since it limited my ability to have negative thoughts as well as my ability to actively feel negative emotions. It also "turned off" my internal fantasy world, if that's why you want to call it that, or my imagination, which is probably related to why it's used to treat schizophrenia. This wasn't necessarily good or bad, although I did feel less intelligent since abstract thinking wasn't as easy. I wouldn't be surprised if that's what it's like to be "normal", without an innate tendency toward the abstract, and perhaps it helped me empathize with the common person a little bit more and see what he sees.

All this thinking and abstraction the schizoid does naturally...the common person does none of it and is probably innately unable to do so. Their physiological makeup does not allow for it.

The bad side was that I began to experience shaking or oscillations in that short time. It didn't make me more social or want to be more social. If it didn't have so many listed negative side effects, I might recommend it though as a possible treatment for schizoids struggling with the negative aspects of the disorder. It wasn't so bad in the short run, but I would never recommend it's use long term.

The problem isn't so much that i suffer from myself. I don't, i enjoy my life as it is but i just want to be able to participate somehow but i have no clue how that should work as the outside world is so hostile and even agressive towards people like me, i have no defense against it. It constantly forces me to give things i'm not able to give or even feel. Constantly raping my mind for things i do not wish to share. Yeah, thats how it feels for me to be around people, mental rape, thats how i can describe it most acurately. I'm doing no harm to anyone but the world forces me to retreat. I'm pretty much anti meds. I'd only use them if i had a crisis. I do not generally suffer myself much.

"Mental rape" - I get that. The form it takes is interesting - people make themselves vulnerable to the point it could be called masochistic. It is like they are constantly bluffing, demanding responses they will find familiar, and while it is always an option to call the bluff with a flat affect, that happens so rarely the machinery is kept hidden.

"We should get together some time!" - oh no, what have you done now? You have created a situation where I must either deflate you and suffer embarrassment for you or comply and suffer an even greater amount of future failed intentions. I reply "Yeah, some time", and the lack of specificity reverberates.

This complicates the fact I do occasionally find people I want to connect with in some capacity. I can't bear the thought of subjecting someone to the same dilemma, so I am excessively cautious.

* Have you had therapy
Yes

* how long

About a year now

* what kind

One on one, once a week, talk therapy. Have tried to elucidate with him whether or not he was focusing on CBT, DBT, etc. but he's one of those Jungian quasi-hippy therapists who doesn't believe much in defining and labelling. Maaaan.

* were you positively or negatively influenced by it or did nothing change

Hard to say. Both, probably.

* What were the things that helped

Dont know

* what is absolutely 'no go' for you

Group therapy...family therapy...

Hi flora, the following monologue is maybe not helpful so TL;DR: Seeing a shrink in a few weeks, he seems promising. I can report back if you're interested.

Long-ass version of my past failed attempts at therapy:
I have had therapy, but not specifically for SPD.
I saw a child/adolescent psychologist for maybe 4 months when I was 15/16 to talk about like, not killing myself. I don't know what that kind of therapy is called. Anyway, I was already on prozac. he put me on some antipsychotics... olanzapine (i don't remember taking it though, i just found a half-empty bottle of it with my name on it and his name on it which was filled in 2008... no recollection). He put me on risperidone. I took it for two days and lost all sense of time, i was walking through a fog, I was confused. everything was in slow motion. this lasted 2 weeks even though I only took it for 2 days. I'm not saying that risperidone should be avoided. It works wonders for lots of people. I'm on a bunch of meds and have been for years. But I'm never taking risperidone again.
So that's what didn't work medication-wise. What also didn't work was that my psychiatrist was... i dunno, bad? I would tell him something that happened to me that I thought was relevant to my current state, and he replied "you know, I've had three or so patients about your age who were violently raped by their fathers for years on end." That was all he said. I interpreted that as "What do you have to complain about? Stop wasting my time bitch". Never went back, and swore I would never open up to anyone ever again.
I did some cognitive behavioural therapy last year and again few months ago after a mental breakdown, just to make my mom happy. But of course it wasn't helpful cause I never told her what was actually wrong. I eventually just told her I wanted to kill myself and it was like she didn't know how to react. Like she was so shocked. Not seeing her anymore.
A few weeks ago I went to a forensic psychologist (yeah, like the kind that deals with mentally ill violent criminals). I was open and mostly honest about a few things that I'd never told anyone, and he just... without even trying, somehow made me feel like I wasn't a horrible person. It was painful and uncomfortable, but I'm seeing him again in 2 weeks, and I plan on telling him how I see myself and other people. I'm going to tell him everything because I want to change. I don't want to view people as objects anymore. I want to be able to see myself as a human being. I'm 21, and I'm reaching the end of the lifespan I planned out for myself. In the next few years, I will adapt or kill myself. So I'm going to try to adapt. And I'm going to give it everything I have because I have nothing to lose. And I'm going to ask for help. And it will start in two weeks.