The Difficulties of Living As a Schizoid in the Modern World

Hello to everyone. I've found this site recently, then i read almost all the posts, and now i'm writing my first entry because i think this site is for me since i'm a real schizoid. First some info about me :

I've been living in Turkey since i was born, that is, for 22 years. I'm one(the former) of the two children of two teachers one of whom is retired. I was born as a highly gifted child in mathematics and language (I don't exaggerate my talents, really). I was quite successful from elementary school till high school. Meanwhile i possessed the signs of being introverted throughout this era. I was dealing with mathematics, reading(generally classics) and also having a deep interest in almost all kinds of sports. Besides, i was playing football - soccer, i mean - and even i played for the school team even though i was isolated and had a few friends. But people generally thought that i behaved in that way just because i was quite shy. But in fact it was just because i wanted to be alone to spend my time more effectively. Some of them tried to invite me to join them in a cafeteria or to attend some parties, but my answer was often "no". It was more fun resting on my bed reading a book, or thinking, or trying to solve a tough mathematical problem rather than sitting without doing anything except for talking nonsense or playing stupid card games. The other reason was that i was a machinery in their eyes which provided them with help in the exams. Yes, i helped them several times in the exams but then i noticed that after each exam had passed, they ignored me as if i hadn't done a favour for them till the next exam appeared in the door! This was the first time when i saw the "two-faced" side of the people. Anyway, meanwhile i participated in the mathematical olympiads, and though i studied hard, i didn't perform well in the final. It was the first big disappointment in my life since my aim was to be an outstanding mathematician, and it changed my life. Last year of the high school was like a nightmare for me; i had no desire to do anything except for getting prepared for the university entrance exam.

Then came the second disappointment; i again performed quite bad in our stupid 3-hour exam, and i got into a computer engineering dept. in a mediocre university. I chose engineering just because my parents saw no bright future in being a scientist in Turkey. Then there again i met with smiling classmates(not mates!) who expected me to do some favour in the exams, and unfortunately i helped them just because my parents wanted me to become more social. But i also got frustrated since the quality of education was not high, and dealing with programming concepts didn't satisfy me as much as i expected it to do before. And the result was a severe depression including a suicidal attempt. It happened in the spring term of the second year and then i had a rest for several months. This helped me a little before entering the university entrance exam again. For the first time being lucky in an important exam, i gained the right to register to the mathematics dept. of a very good university, METU (I thought like that at that time). Although feeling a little happy, i knew that i would encounter a serious problem in the university: Since my family was living in Izmir and the university was loceted in Ankara, it meant i had to stay in a dormitory of 4 or 6 people (Yes there were some rooms of 2 people but the cost of living there is twicw as much as living in an ordinary dorm). I was right: I generally preferred studying, reading on my bed, getting into Internet or going to movies throughout the year, and it wasn't enough for the idiot roommmates despite the fact that i wasn't a problem for them. Why was i acting like a mute? Why wasn't i participating in a student club? Or why was i going to cinema alone? Or why wasn't i joining up their "dirty" dialogues? Another problem was that i found it difficult to attend classes since this time lectures were generally in the amphitheatres. I didn't want to recognize strange eyes staring at me since i chose reading or thinking in breaktimes while the others began chit-chat! Sometimes just because of this reason, i gave up going to classes and preferred to take a walk in the campus. At least, my grades were good during the first year and my parents became proud of me after a long time.

All these happened last year, and now i'm a sophomore. Since i like studying individually instead of participating in the lectures and listening to the instructors, my grades fell slightly in the fall semestre but it's still good for me. Despite being succesful, i'm not content with my position now. I'm not sure whether i will manage to continue my education here. It's not because of me; it's because of that stupid guys from classes and from dorm. Yes i have one close friend and 2-3 more guys but still i'm like a martian who fell on the earth without knowing what to do, or a freak since i don't behave like an ordinary college guy: attending parties, having fun in the classes, and talking about small things. Anyway, what they think of me is not important for me, but you are important since a person having a schizoid personality is probably a highly clever one and i really have respect for clever people.

Yes, what do you think of yourselves? Have you ever experienced similar situations in your lives? What do you expect for the short-term and long-term future respectively? What are your main hobbies? (I'm asking this because i don't believe that a schizoid more likely engages in 3-4 activities which are perceived as a single one by the "normal" people because of the well-known stereotypes) Waiting for your ( a little detailed) comments.

Meanwhile, though i guess it's probable that most of you have known it before, i'm writing the website of a document in which a schizoidal life is described objectively:

http://www.pipeline.com/~dada3zen/schiz ... sorder.htm

The conclusion is : Being a schizoid is a choice rather than having a disorder. It's related to having a "different" type of personality.

For now, all the best to you!

outsider wrote:The conclusion is : Being a schizoid is a choice rather than having a disorder. It's related to having a "different" type of personality.

conclusion: if you think a pd is a choice, then you dont know the first thing about them. go read some books and come back in ten years.

Wrong conclusion. If you had read more carefully, you would have understood what i meant. I am not "diagnosed" technically, but i know that i have a schizoid personality, not sp "disorder". I haven't considered myself as a freak, or "diagnosed"(which is a favorite word used by those with different types of personalities to describe themselves). All these "disorders" have been labelled by those who are considered to be "normal", by the others who are also "normal". Yes, but can you give me the definition of normality? What does it mean? The fact that majority believes in something which is (clearly) wrong does not make that thing true. If you read as much as i read, you will encounter such examples in the history of mankind.

Is it clear now what i have said?

lol, youre bringing ME up on my 'moral absolutism'??? thats ######6 funny!

this is a forum for people with schizoid pd, tho from what you wrote you sound more like aspergers to me. and schizoid, along with the other pds, is not a choice.

Iserath wrote:this is a forum for people with schizoid pd, tho from what you wrote you sound more like aspergers to me. and schizoid, along with the other pds, is not a choice.

You've demonstrated your own poor grasp of SPD repeatedly. I would say his story is quite typical as far as schizoids go.

Personality disorders, or personality styles, (in my opinion) seem to be differentiated when functioning and difficulties come into play.

If you have a schzoid style, and it doesn't bother you or your functioning (or isn't hurtful to yourself or others), then who ######6 cares.

But when that style crosses the line, labeling it a disorder should be considered for treating, understanding and etc..

But when one person is fine with their style, it doesn't mean another person is. So saying it is a choice, shouldn't be fixed, or doesn't exist seems rediculous.

Excuse me for my interruption. I just thought to add my two cents.

Panic

agreed. im not particularly happy with my pd, but i can live with it. its other people who label it a disorder.

Well, outsider, I have some good news for you.

The world is becoming more schizoid. We don't sit and talk for hours, we watch TV and play video games, and if we want to talk we send each other short, succint text messages to one another or IM one another. We don't hear human voices when we call the bank's 1-800 number for help because our bank balances are doing funky things because the computers that we completely depend on are unreliable, and we never see the person behind the cubicle that fixes them when they do this. In fact, we hardly ever see anyone because we hole up in our houses with our huge platinum-screen TV's and watch OnDemand instead of going out to the movies or the theatre like we used to.

So pretty soon, I think you'll fit right in. I, on the other hand, will be crying and wondering why nobody wants to put on a play with me anymore.

Sorry, I was mistaken about this...

Of course it's not all doom and gloom. Outsider sounds like a fine fellow to me, nothing wrong with him at all, he simply has different priorities (probably by nature, but we don't tell black people they have a disorder because they like rap music). Anyhow, liking rap-music seems much more of a disorder than preferring solitude...

I do think that receiving dissention/derision and negativity from roommates is likely to be draining and an unwelcome distraction, I don't think it is necessarily the case that he "will drop out".

All I will add is that we would all do well to learn to do things for ourselves and not to impress other people.