Need advice for relationship with SPD friend

anagram wrote:

Jakez wrote:What would drive me insane is the idea that we could have worked out, had I only given the relationship more time to grow.

And this is how to ruin something before it even starts.

Wait what? If this hadn't of started, I wouldn't be here right now Enough of a relationship exists for me to be confused by it.

Zomonada wrote:He could be manipulating you and you don't even know it. That's why he's playing hard to get, because you wouldn't want to be with him as much as you do now if he let you have what you want. You even admitted your feelings towards him are amplified by it. But soon he will let you have it, but for a price. Maybe it will be your life, maybe it will be your dignity, or maybe you'll be sold as a slave. Who knows?

(This is also an advice)

Sweet mother of god :O Do you think he could be trying to take my kidneys D: I hear they go for a good price.


Anyways guys, I've given this a lot of thought. I've decided to give things a few days to calm down, then I'll ask him one final time. If he still makes excuses or just turns me down, then I'm going to give him that letter. Don't get me wrong, if it reaches that point, I fully expect that he will either just disappear or will at best tell me we're just friends. Giving him the letter will just let me say some things I've wanted to say for a while, to tell him I'm grateful for our friendship, and that I respect him a lot. I'll explain that I've felt like more than friends for a while, but that I understand if he doesn't feel that way. Mostly, I just want to let him know that I'll need time away from him to get over my feelings, but that if he feels like it I'd still like to be friends. I know that I truly am on the verge of moving on, since just 30 minutes ago he went offline without having said a peep for 6 hours, and I honestly felt nothing more than a slight disappointment. No sinking sensation, no falling into a figurative pit of self-pity, no spending-the-remainder-of-the-night-debating-whether-he-likes-me-or-not.

Believe it or not, I think I am truly ready to move on, I've been thinking a lot about it, and I realized I was being hysterical about losing this love. There's statistically got to be a ton of people who share at least a good amount of my interests, are gay/bi, and I would find physically attractive. I'm not trying to pretend that he's replaceable, he'll always be special to me, but he's not the only person I'll ever meet. In fact, despite the distress in this relationship (which I'll admit was mostly of my making ), it was worth it. I've learned a lot of things about myself, and I think that I've improved as a person. I'll still be sad if things don't work out, but it'll be tempered by hope

Thanks for all the help so far guys, for your insight into the situation, and to anagram, who played Socrates for me You got me to see that I was being blowing this thing out of proportion. I still think that I was right to apply a general PD model to determine the course of action, since it was the discovery that of all the personality disorders, narcissism fit him like a glove, that drove me to consider whether or not we could ever be together. Maybe he really has it, maybe he doesn't. But the fact is I realized that no matter what I may do, he might just never get any closer to me, or worse we might, but it might only be illusory. However, you were right to question my motivation as to why I was so obsessed with making this work. So thank you!

I'll post back if anything big happens, and definitely tell you ultimately what the outcome is.

Is going through all this what normal people do?

Mrfeathers wrote:Is going through all this what normal people do?

I was wondering the same thing. I've only lightly skimmed this thread, but it's enough to put me off relationships for life.

Mrfeathers wrote:Is going through all this what normal people do?

I have no idea, since real romances are usually a private 1-1 thing. I know that I cared about him a great deal, and this was all worth the effort I put into it. I have finally seen sense though and am bringing an end to it this week. I honestly doubt anything will come of it, but I'll be able to move on.

As for my normality, I'm not really the best example of normal. I have a codependent leaning (when I develop a crush on someone, I tend to slowly place all emotional satisfaction on time spent with them, I know, it's not healthy), but I've been working on that for a while now, since before I met him actually.

javert wrote:

Mrfeathers wrote:Is going through all this what normal people do?

I was wondering the same thing. I've only lightly skimmed this thread, but it's enough to put me off relationships for life.

I wouldn't judge normal relationships based upon this one. At best, this one is a case of unreciprocated love, at worst, it's a codependent and an NPD/SPD confusing each other . Most people would have been dating months ago, and by now be in a close relationship.

I can tell you that despite the distress I've felt, I'd do it all again. This was my first time I felt anything that I would describe as love for someone (every other time was just a physical attraction). It made me realize a lot of things about myself that I never did through introverted thought, like my bisexuality, but more importantly broke me out of my cycle of sitting at home wondering why I couldn't find a soulmate. I've realized that I have to go out and look for the person, rather than expect them to just fall into my lap. I'm thinking of joining some clubs to maybe get to know more people. All I know is that if I just do the bare minimum, I'll never meet someone who's right for me.

Why did I do all of this? Because despite being introverted, usually not socializing a lot, I felt a deep loneliness. Not for a superficial relationship, but a yearning for someone who could understand me, someone who I could share my interests and life with. I just didn't know anyone who I could discuss my interests with, who I could talk philosophically with (all I had was internet forums, like you guys ), and who I could just be with. It's hard to describe, but it's more than likely just a biological drive, that makes humans social animals. Maybe you don't have that feeling, there's nothing wrong with that. If it ain't broken don't fix it . Just be sure that you truly don't feel lonely. If you don't, then why bother?

Mrfeathers wrote:Is going through all this what normal people do?

At first they post here, then they stop posting for awhile and eventually end up in the NPD or HPD forums.

Some thoughts (free-association ) about this thread:

The relationship as I see it from Jakez's point of view:

This song



The aftermath of the thread from the vantage point of forum regulars:




Jakez you seem like a fine young man. Best of luck & keep us updated.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2VtuZqQq1Hs

WichitaLineman wrote:Some thoughts (free-association ) about this thread:

The relationship as I see it from Jakez's point of view:

This song

I was about 95% sure I was about to get rickrolled. Wrong again

OneRinger wrote:

Mrfeathers wrote:Is going through all this what normal people do?

At first they post here, then they stop posting for awhile and eventually end up in the NPD or HPD forums.

Not all of us!

Oh wait, you said normal people...never mind.

You are the only exception, non-cartie. : P