Husband of a Schizophrenic needing help

I will start by saying I love my wife of 13 years dearly.
In 2010 they diagnosed her with paranoid schizophrenia, started her on lithium and xanax, i forget the other drugs. My wife has had a love affair with xanax since her teens. i assumed she was pill seeking and they misdiagnosed her. I hated her drug issues but loved her enough to let the proffesionals do their job.
As I look back, knowing what i do now , Her symptoms have existed since the day we met but she was fully functional and i fell hard for her. Fast forward 13years...
In Jan. 2018 we were in bed watching tv and out of nowhere she began accusing me of some strange things that got more heinous as she went on. I was stunned. I did t understand how someone i had been so honest and open with, who i had shared such a close bond with and whom i spent every minutemof the day with could be accusing me of these things.. I began to argue how i would never do these things why was she accusing me of such. I rarely left her side, ever. This went on over 6 hours.. she fell asleep and I sat there, my world rocked, debating what to do.
She began miving her lips like she was talking to someone but no sound and even reacting as if someone was talking back.. i was defensive and began attacking back with the truth when she would attack me with aqusations. She would wake me up and scream she wanted a divorce , even accused me of actively sexually assaulting our 11year old. I was defending myself as I would never, could never abuse anyone but to say this about my son...
We fought and bickered daily , more extreme accusations coming out of her daily. She would come in the room i was in and just let me have it. Leave, comeback latter oblivious to the earlier confrontation and asking me what was wrong. I still thought this was a game she was playing to get me out of the picture and secure custody of our son and no idea why.
We are now in may and she has had 1 day, this past sunday, where she came in weeping, begging me for forgiveness and not to leave her. Turns out she had stopped taking her lithium 3 months earlier and i had no clue. So i began giving it to her 3x a day in hooes the woman i loved would be back as soon as the medicine did its job. Every day had its good momentd and bad. She would converse with walls, spend hours motioning as she “talked”like she was controlling elements or casting spells or something. Never acknowledgin i was even there..
This past sunday I thought was a huge step forward for us. She went to take a bath and I was so thankfull and happy that she had broke through and realized what had gone on. After 90 mins i went to check in her, heard her talking to “someone” and went back and sat down. She comes in the room enraged and began threatening to kill me in my sleep. Ripped my heart out of my chest. Her attacks are peronal, very belittling and i worried what would happen if she told others the things she accused me of.
I get so upset ive. Oticed my chest gettig tighter and I kniww its blood pressure but nothing i do is helpfull in difusing the situation. Tonight was the worst yet., I was inforrmed she is Saint Lucifer, doing gods work. I am interfering in her work and need to stop or i will be stopped. The voice and the hate in it were new... she told me our son was a angel, Michael to be exact and was in heaven.. which scares me. She and my son dont have a close relationship due to her being able to handle a infant.. she was terrified to touch him. I had 2 kids from a previous marriage so i took over both parental roles. Now they arent close and he and i are. Im worried if she sees him and michael physically the same. If she may try tomaid him in getting to heaven.. shes been out of the room just under 3 hours. In that time ive read a lot of pertinant information. I see her in many posts here, her actions and patterns. I feel really bad about defending myself and bringing up what shes been putting me through. I didnt know..
im not sure what to do when she does come in. Flip flopping and trying to change she will notice and see as a scheme to domsomething bad.,
I have noone i can trust to even talk to .
Her mother believes its a act ..
What do i do? I vowed in sickness and health.. I meant it. But me having a heart attack truly leaves my son in a bad situation. He thinks shes playing games as well, has told me as much. Imremind him thats his mother, and the woman I love hes talking about. He gets it..
Anyone know of any online live chats for people needing answers sooner than later?
How do i change my disposition from hyper defensive to loving support after months of this fighting? She goes to her psychiatrist and acts like nothings going on. Ive even noticed shes trying to nudge her doctor into writting her fav. Prescription, xanax. This is why i thought it was a act honestly. I saw her pushing for drugs very cunningly. I see her transform into a depressed, anxious person needing meds specifically for depression and anxiety.. and then had her chat with the window, audibly but very low, on the way home.. So i thought she could turn it on and off..
Im sorry im now ranting, venting. I just need someone i can talk to, unload on.. someone knowledgable in this diseases symptoms and treatments. Im tired, beginning to wear down. I kniw my blood pressue has to be high. I just want to love my wife and not argue nad have drama every day. Never knowing whats goung to happen minute to minute. Shell be very loving and switch inna heat eat..
any help is appreciated.
Thank you,

This situation does not sound good. It sounds like your wife is unwell, and her treatment is not working. It's good you are reaching out for support.

When patients go off their medication they are often blamed for it, however, if the treatment is effective and they have a good relationship with their psychiatrist, compliance improves. There is no point blaming her, because there is nothing she can do about it. She goes off the meds because she is sick.

It concerns me you said that she went off her lithium and you started giving it to her three times a day. Be careful with that. Lithium is toxic and can cause permanent damage to the kidneys if the dosage is not carefully monitored by a psychiatrist with regular blood tests. It does not take much to cause this overdose.

Also if she is on lithium permanently she needs other health checkups such as the thyroid gland. Other medications also have health side effects that should be monitored with her general practitioner.

Try to attend the psychiatrist appointment with your wife or call her psychiatrist and tell him/her your concerns. Or sit down with your wife before the appointment and make sure she is properly prepared. It would be good for you to have some contact with the professionals who are treating your wife, for three reasons:
1. It is for your education on your wife's condition and strategies to manage
2. You serve as an advocate for your wife, whose brain is sick and can't monitor the effectiveness of treatment.
You can tell if they are doing a good job or not.
3. You can best facilitate communication and trust between your wife and the doctor, and inform the doctor of her progress.

First, it sounds like you are a wonderful husband who has suffered much. Get her better help is my advice and soon. Sickness and health is one thing but her emotional abuse will permanently damage your relationship unless you get her illness under control. If she becomes dangerous call EMTs or the cops and makes sure they know she is mentally ill, many communities have units that deal with nothing but mental health care crisis. Call your local emergency number and ask for the psychiatric emergency response team to be sent to your house. It is an act of love. I have been through it my friend both myself and my wife have schizoaffective disorder. We met at an online dating conference for people with mental illness and stigma breaking. Anyways we have both been on the other side of the fence and there is no shame in it, just get your golden girl what she needs.