How do I deal? (Authors and famous?)

Hey there,
I'm struggling with being a popular Author. I have a following of 10,000.
Every day, I wake up and respond to messages, and talk to my lovely fans of my work.

The only issue is I can't deal with being ill and having fans.
When I become hositle and manic, I tend to make huge rants about my mental health, and admitting very personal stuff to soooo many people. But I never think about what I'm doing.
I told them that I have a little girl inside me, because I can hear one and I feel I become a little girl.
I told them I'm violent as well sometimes, throwing things and stabbing stuff .llAnd I don't know why I tell my followers all this stuff. I'm paranoid thinking my fans are planning to realease my information, I began to search myself on the web and discovered a site that told my address and listed my whole family, and it's right there on the web to see!!

I get constant spam and people asking me questions, and im as nice as beans to my fans, I never say anything horrible, if I get hate I remove it so I know I don't respond to it and say something bad.

But then I write huge posts about what I'm worried about what I've done. And when I snap out of it. It's already been reblogged so much I can remove it. People are asking if I'm okay and I have to resure them I am.
I feel like I do this out of attention, but then I feel it a cry for help, and some reply with lovely things but I think their lying and they think I'm a werido.

There's so much information I've put out there and I scream, I suffer from trichotillomania and I end up pulling out my hair.
I hear voices telling me I'm an attention seeker, I'm never gonna be actually loved with how I act. No one would put up with it. They tell me I'm disgusting because Im a bisexual and I'm sick, I'm disgusting and sick.


But the issue is, I love my fans, and I love writing my story for them to read. I'm an author and my fans love my work.
But how do I deal with the fact my information is out there and it's permeant. That stuff is gonna be associated to my name now.


But I'm in a constant battle of trying to be private, to then being so paranoid, someone is gonna find my information and realease it, people are gonna harrass my family.

I wanna go far in life, I wanna be a somewhat decent author, but I can't even deal with the fans I have now. I dunno how to deal with a large sum of people.

What do I do? I don't wanna give up being an author, I've worked on this for so long. But mental health and work don't mix.

What methods do you think will help me? Stop me from being so paranoid.
.