Sudden breakup by schizoaffective boyfriend

Hi,

I'm new here and looking for some answers, although I understand that there might not be any. I was in a relationship with a man with schizoaffective disorder for 8-9 months before he broke up with me out of the blue. He's bipolar subtype. Everything was going extremely well, we were super connected and the best friends in the world. He just said that the spark is gone, even though is still loves me. It's like one day he woke up and just forget the feelings he had. I'm still hoping for him to change his mind honestly, because nothing is different when we're together since the breakup, which puzzzle me a lot. Is it possible that the illness is affecting his decision making? I don't want to cling to the relationship either if it's not the case an that's really how he fells now and will feel in a few months down the road. I know this type of breakup is common for bipolar, but I don't want to hurt myself in the process by getting false hope. Any of your input would be greatly appreciated, many thanks.

Has he gone into a depressed phase around the same time? If so, he may have felt a loss of "spark" from life in general. If not, then I don't know.

I would advise talking things through with him to understand what he is going through and why he ended things, but don't apply pressure. Keep an open mind.

I mean, there are a few reasons that I can imagine his health affecting the break up. One of which is if he developed a delusion about you (I.e. that you're out to kill him, that you're not who you say you are, etc), or if he got depressed.

If you recognised any change in behaviours leading up to the break up, such as his mood dropping or his psychotic symptoms flaring up, it might be possible that the break up was influenced by his health.

I personally think you have two options, you can either confront him about why he broke it off and go from there or try to move on. I don't think there's anything wrong with asking, just be prepared emotionally before hand in case it goes astray

Hopefully I can give you some insight from the eyes of a male that does the exact same.. I've been doing this for 6 years with a girl that I absolutely love and want to start a life with.
We're all different and it's hard to really say without knowing how his whole life story of his struggles and coping mechanisms. So here's my story hopefully it gives some understanding..

he broke up with me out of the blue. He's bipolar subtype. Everything was going extremely well, we were super connected and the best friends in the world.

I usually would last a few months of intense love and being able to show and give it to her, Then comes the inner turmoil and chatter leading me to my coping mechanism, dropping her and everything out of my life so I can feel safe and comfortable in my own silence from the world.

He just said that the spark is gone, even though is still loves me. It's like one day he woke up and just forget the feelings he had]

In my shoes, and as others have pointed out. For me that was a good indicator that i'm entering a depressive place disconnected from others and feelings. There's nothing you can do for him except support him and be very gentle letting him know it's ok. (If you choose this route)
For me sex can trigger that as well.. the over flooding of intimate emotions would eat me up and couldn't handle the emotions, so I shut off.

I don't want to cling to the relationship either if it's not the case an that's really how he fells now and will feel in a few months down the road. I know this type of breakup is common for bipolar, but I don't want to hurt myself in the process by getting false hope. Any of your input would be greatly appreciated, many thanks.

Unless you absolutely love this man, and are willing to make life sacrifices around his limits, be careful. I've caused so much heart ache, not out of choice, but my coping mechanisms.
AND most importantly.. if he's not on medicine and or getting therapy, I'd recommend backing up from the intimate level, it will more than likely happen again. I did it 6 times before the right dose and cocktail of medication. But love is love, Decide if you're really willing to be on his rollercoaster. Make sure it's 50/50.. You need to do what's best for you.

Thank you so very much for your replies. Just a dude, what you are describing sounds a lot like what I was perceiving of the situation. He is currently away for a few months. He wanted to keep contact and was still calling me everyday. I decided that it would be better for me and probably for him to stop the contacts like that for the moment. He knows how I felt about the breakup, so I don't think I need to hurt myself everyday with his phone call. If he really wants me back in his life on the terms that I want, which is not crumbles of friendship, he will find a way to let me know. Like you said, it's supposed to be 50/50. I do love him with all my heart, I still do and I understand he has challenges that I don't have with intimacy. He takes his medication religiously, but he doesn't currently want talk therapy (he did it for years before). So it means he should probably be willing to go back to talk therapy in the case we got back together at some point (I go myself, it's life hygiene for me). I guess time will tell. Do you think the no contact could be hurtful for the relationship or does it make sense to you?

You defiantly don't deserve to feel that way.. In my head no contact makes my mind spin and I start assuming and believing stories inside (That is if I really feel strong for you) but I also am extremely sensitive person when it comes to romance.
That's great he takes his medicine religiously which is a big plus, although I've found in my journey that psycho therapy allowed me truly grow, and understand my self so I view it as a must on my end.. Don't push it on him, let him make the decision. As they say in AA you have to hit rock bottom to truly seek help if you want to live. (not making assumptions, as we all are different )

I'd say Gradually cut down on the communication, Try for 3 days a week i'd say and maybe try and communicate via text instead? He should understand if not, just think about your health and wisest decision. That way you don't have to hear his voice and make you ponder or effect your day. As you said, it's his journey and he will find a way if he wants this.
Try and make you're texts with some emotion behind them. For me I love getting a smiley face stuff like that lol, short sweet and to the point no open ended to let the mind wander. But remember the 50/50 via text as well with how much effort you put into texts..

One last important thing I think that would help you in a good amount of fields would be to take notes on his moods / triggers.. Try and see if you can pin point the usual length before he starts a new emotional cycle, length etc. This will make you truly know him on a deeper level.

You will figure out what you need to do to thrive and live a great life you deserve, and so will he.

Feel free to ask any more questions if you have any