Symptoms are getting worse...

Hi Jasper,
it is five for me and i am up, without any good reason than anxiety.
good that despite the high mood you will go on with the appointment. i have realized in this path to recovery that i often cheat myself a bit too soon, before i give chance to treatment.
do go! and make your list, i hope that the positive feeling remains.!!
good luck!

Hey loise,

Actually I forgot about the list, good that you reminded me.
I'm sorry you're having anxiety issues.
Why are you having anxiety?
I hope you are feeling better soon.

I'm also anxious, but not nearly in the same way, it's more an anxious nervousness because of the appointment. I'm going into that place, I've been paranoid about for entire 3 years. And even though I realise that now... My brain is still sometimes switching in the old highly paranoid mode. Somehow I guess everything will turn out just fine, at least I hope do.
... I slept something between 4 and 5 hours tonight and knowing the fact that I usually need a lot of sleep, about 8 hours, than that's really not much and now I'm hyper again.
I'm still not 100% certain if some noises I hear are real or not, but it's just tiny stuff and not really bothering me. I'm also still highly sensitive to noise what's really exhausting.

Actually the psychiatrist and I just talked. I mean we talked about my paranoia I had (and still have to some degree) towards the psychiatry in my city and what caused it and what to do in future. Out of this point it was helpfull. He told me the possibilities I have and because of my mistrust he agreed because of that that I can be transferred in future in another psychiatry of my choice (if the other psychiatry agrees of course). Because the point is that normally I would have to go to the psychiatry in my city, because I live here. I also have to write down that I want to go in another psychiatry in the future and it's best if my family doctor and so on sings it. So that I can show that I've made this decision being able to and not freaked out. It's just a legal thing that I've thought about it. I've also a psychiatrist I can turn to who doesn't work in this psychiatry.

The thing is that of course I was extremely paranoid, but also a lot of mistakes have been made from their side and they know it. So that was the solution they came up with, with my agreement.

That sounds like a really great agreement! I'm glad that you were able to get that information so you can start getting the letter together and signed by your doctor.

Hi Jasper!


I'm sorry you're having anxiety issues.
Why are you having anxiety?
i have always been like this, but i just did not call it that way, i thought i was nervous or apprehensive...getting older has made it a worst.

I've been paranoid about for entire 3 years. And even though I realise that now... My brain is still sometimes switching in the old highly paranoid mode.
i guess bad experiences leave a scar, i do not think you are paranoid if it is fundamented, but maybe i have the meaning of the word wrong, it has happened before.

... I slept something between 4 and 5 hours tonight and knowing the fact that I usually need a lot of sleep, about 8 hours, than that's really not much and now I'm hyper again.
i also have to sleep a lot more, but the anxiety gets me up every morning, then i try to go back to sleep, after a warm glass of water and an apple and a magnesium tablet.


I'm still not 100% certain if some noises I hear are real or not, but it's just tiny stuff and not really bothering me. I'm also still highly sensitive to noise what's really exhausting. [/quote]
I love it that you share this, i sleep with ear plugs, that has helped me a lot, and early in the morning at home i like staying with them on....i have not told my psych but i have a lot of hearing allucinations...i hope, i wish it was only because lack of sleep, but sometimes is a sign that i am entering an episode of psicosis....(i can remain functional, a lot of acting, camouflage, and changing my schedules.
i see that you already visited the psych, but i will comment on the other message. !

-- Tue Mar 18, 2014 6:12 am --

Hi again "Jasper"
I mean we talked about my paranoia I had (and still have to some degree) towards the psychiatry in my city and what caused it and what to do in future"'
i am very very happy, that you were able to make some changes, well the first step to change them.
i also travel outside my city to visit my psych, it gives me privacy and i enjoy the trip.
it is your right, so make sure that you family doctor understand that this is a ""must"for you to function better. i do not know if we have it in the psychiaty, but in general health there are some groups that are trying to have a more "holistic approach"to see the whole person and to take into consideration your own history and background.

I've also a psychiatrist I can turn to who doesn't work in this psychiatry.
Wonderful!!

The thing is that of course I was extremely paranoid, but also a lot of mistakes have been made from their side and they know it. So that was the solution they came up with, with my agreement.[/quote]
Ï am very happy with you!!
if its possible try to learn to detect the symptoms when things are getting off balance to avoid these unvoluntary
hospitalization...

good luck!!

loise wrote:i guess bad experiences leave a scar, i do not think you are paranoid if it is fundamented, but maybe i have the meaning of the word wrong, it has happened before.

I think this is a highly difficult question to answer. I once read (sadly I don't find it right now) that a psychiatrist said that a delusion shouldn't be defined by the fact if the believe is true or not, but by it's certainty, incorrigibility and by the amount of time spent on it. I know a delusion is still something different than paranoia, but I think there are paralels and I think there is some truth to it. For example, I could think that I could be attacted by a criminal leafing the house. That's of course true, it might happen, but the possibility is not so big actually. If it's just a thought, that's not a delusion, more an anxiety thing, if it's even that, but when I keep thinking about it all day long, cut out newspaper articles about criminals, thinking that someone walking behind me could be a criminal and imagining how the person might look like and that the criminal that is trying to attac me could be everywhere or even my neighbour or best friend and start to distant themself from the world because of that believe than it's getting delusional.

Of course my negative experiences I made in the psychiatry happened, but at some point my fear of the psychiatry, that they could harm me, got so big and influenced all my actions that it was clearly abnorm. The psychiatrist I talked to yesterday said that I keep mixing up past and present and that he's already noticed that the last time. He meant that I don't differentiate between what happened in the past and the present, what had changed and that they know me better now and so on. Actually thinking about it, he is right. The psychiatry even has a new builing now, so there is no way that they could lock me up in the way to old psychiatric ward I've been back than, but my mind had difficulties understanding that. Of course negative experiences leave their scars, but I had some symptoms of thought disorder to it and not quite logical conclusions.

if its possible try to learn to detect the symptoms when things are getting off balance to avoid these unvoluntary
hospitalization...

Hm, I haven't been hospitalised since then. I would have freaked if it would have happened again. I was so paranoid if I would have had the decision between locked ward in the psychiatry and death, I probably would have chosen the death. It was very extreme, but I'm glad that I can recognise that now. But I still have issues. I also medicated myself to some degree at that time, because for me everything seemed to be a better solution than psychiatry. I dunno what lead to the fact that I can recognise it now, maybe my brain chemistry, who knows. But I began to doubt my reality more and more and then I began to notice the irrationality of some of my thoughts that things have a special meaning for me that when I leave the bus that there could be ghosts and so on. They've never been extreme, but somehow present. Probably my symptoms didn't get worse when I opened that threat, I probably just started noticing the irrationality of my symptoms started worrying about them.

Cheze2 wrote:That sounds like a really great agreement! I'm glad that you were able to get that information so you can start getting the letter together and signed by your doctor.

Thank you
... I guess the psychiatrist in the psychiatry noticed my issues and the reason for it and even though I calmed down now that it's still not the best choice for me to go there in future. But the psychiatry in my city also had to agree to transfer me in future to another psychiatry. I've the feeling otherwise it might happen that it overwhelms me in future again.

Hi "Jasper"

I think this is a highly difficult question to answer....

thanks a lot for the explanation, it has made things very clear to me. I am not that long in this forum and busy with these themes, yet i should have begon long time ago, because it is definitely familiar ground to me. i really appreciate that you took the time to explain and did not feel frustrated by my ignorance...with both answers...i just realized how little i know.
i hope things go slowly better for you!!

loise wrote:thanks a lot for the explanation, it has made things very clear to me. I am not that long in this forum and busy with these themes, yet i should have begon long time ago, because it is definitely familiar ground to me. i really appreciate that you took the time to explain and did not feel frustrated by my ignorance...with both answers...i just realized how little i know.
i hope things go slowly better for you!!

I think that delusions is a very interesting topic with a lot of misunderstanding. I also had a different view about it until I started reading into it and I still don't understand it fully.

I agree that to some degree it is from dx revelance if a situation is true or not, but not all delusions are "bizarre delusions". Bizarre delusions are highly typical for paranoid schizophrenia, but in "isolated delusions", where the only symptom is just one delusion, the delusions are typical not bizarre and the person often also can hide their symptoms to some degree.

Also very interesting:
"Studies on psychiatric patients show that delusions vary in intensity and conviction over time, which suggests that certainty and incorrigibility are not necessary components of a delusional belief." - Myin-Germeys I, Nicolson NA, Delespaul PA (April 2001). "The context of delusional experiences in the daily life of patients with schizophrenia". Psychol Med 31 (3): 489–98.

Patients can be actually be aware of the fact that their thoughts and believe systems are a norm and not talk about them. There is an interesting phenomena in schizophrenic spectrum disorders, it's called "double bookkeeping" meaning that the patient believes in his/her delusions and at the same time on the reality. This leads to the fact that schizophrenics very often don't act on their delusions. This also leads to paradox behaviour. A person with schizophrenia might say that the psychiatrists in the psychiatry might poison his food, but still eats the food or says he/she has no children but tells their names when asked.

Hi Jasper,
i thought i had taken very big steps accepting some mental disorders, among others psychotic episodes...then after a couple of years i realized that depression was also present,
well throughout this conversation i realize that paranoia and delusions, have been part of my daily life, all my life.
i thought delusions had to be non real. i thought paranoia had to be non-grounded.
with your explanations i fit within again.
i notice that under you message you write high functioning autism, me too! although not diagnosed,
but yes through several tests and the strong present of autism in my family.

but what i wanted to say is that you wrote schizoaffective or schizo... in small letters...
is it because you have a hard time realizing that there is a possibility that you may have it? i ask because i have a hard time pronouncing, and writing words that i am not ready or willing to accept.

when i was three or 4 years old i remember very well, looking and judging what my mom was doing with her friend, just laughing and putting on make on us, two little girls to dance something i did not aprove, i was so ahead of my time, it is like if i was born an adult.
i can dream and walk into places, realities, that are supposed to be non-real, without big problems,
i can feel the space between the walls, the texture of the walls, the atmosphere of the place,
i try not to indulge myself. i try to keep my feet on the ground, but my mind drifts away so often
so often.....