Symptoms are getting worse...

I guess I kind of knew it subconsciously when I came here, but since yesterday and especially today it has been clear to me that my symptoms are getting worse.
My head feels "loud" and my environment feels like a dream, I keep forgetting where I put things and so on. I've also strange thoughts thinking for brief moments that things have a special meaning to me or about supernatural things, but then the thoughts vanish again.

I'm deadly afraid of the psychiatry in my city and I'm totally paranoid of them, but I've the feeling that I've to tell them what's REALLY going on with me and regulate it somehow. They just had a handful of suspicions, but the thing is I didn't know back than what was going on with me and was totally blocking. But some things there were still not okay and even rationalise what happened doesn't really help me with my paranoid thoughts towards them.

I also could get help for my symptoms some place else, but I've the feeling it's best at least to try to solve that issue. So I'm really anxious. And also my symptoms aren't really blew sent at the moment, even though they could be worse, but I don't want to wait that long...
I kind of know that it's not good for me to be soooo paranoid and that it's making my other symptoms worse.

I'm not sure how to tell them what's going on with me, but the best thing is I just read it out loud, so I make sure that my thoughts are not too confused or blocked because of nervousness.

Hi Jasper,
it takes a lot before i can trust someone and i am not yet where i could say i trust the mental health system, neither do i think i will ever be. i do not know if that means i am paranoid. maybe we do see what does not work.
however if you need to ask for help, don't hesitate. just be careful with what you say and how you say it. sometimes waiting too long, might be the worst thing to do, because the crisis calls for extreme measures. So better while you are still in control. writing is a great idea, i always write everything b efore i get there, and my psych gives me the time to read it all, then we get started...even if it is to wrap things up.
wish you well!!

Schizoaffective is degenerative. It will continue getting worse and worse unless you get medicated.

It's scary at first, because you have to be assertive and lay it all out to your psychiatrist. tell them all your symptoms and what your goal for functioning is.

Think about it this way...

You will continue to decay unless you get help. The sooner, the easier, and the better.

I have experienced similar things in the past when I am not doing well. Questioning things such as "When do I ask for help?" I agree that it is better to ask sooner rather than later as in my experience, the times that I have waited too long are the times that I ended up being involuntarily admitted to the hospital and ultimately had not so great experiences while at the hospital. The times when I asked for help sooner and was able to have more of a say in the decision making process is when I had more positive experiences.

I too have used writing a letter helpful, so I think that can be a good idea.

Okay I just called in the psychiatry and mentioned my symptoms and my problems and also my paranoia towards the psychiatry and also that a friend of mine died when I called last time, because they didn't help me and that's why he wouldn't find me in the system because my file was closed afterwards. The psychiatrist said to me to call my psychiatrist on Monday and when I can't wait that long I can also come in the psychiatry and I don't have to come stationary, I can also come ambulant. He told me if I'm feeling really bad I could also come right away. I said: "no, I've claustrophobia", because when you come there right away in the psychiatry here, it's ALWAYS in the locked ward first.

I told him also that I've been in the psychiatry for nearly two years in the past (they have an ambulant section there) and that I was released just with suspicions, not one single dx they were sure about. I noticed how surprised he was and that he could hardly believe it.
I told him it was because I blocked for two years and was highly paranoid and I didn't know what's going on with me back than.
... Actually I know him, I don't remember how he looks like, but he was the psychiatrist back than how left me in the locked ward back than, but I didn't care anymore. I dunno why I don't care that much anymore after being extremely paranoid about that situation for three years or something. I just fear it a bit, it's not like I've totally forgotten it, but it has changed somehow.

Somehow I'm still nervous about it...

@jasper

what country do you live in?

in the US, they really dont lock people up.
My schizophrenic friend killed someone and he was only locked up for a month.

I used to be scared to be "locked up" until I realized that they dont do that anymore.
yeah, sure you can be committed for maybe a few days or a week, but you have to be a threat to yourself or a threat to others. Otherwise they will refuse to take you in, even if you insist.

I live in Germany, where do you live?

Here you also have to be a threat to yourself or to others, but it also depends how you interpret that. They could say that I'm a threat to myself because I refuse taking my medicine. Sounds strange, but that's even a reason, but just if you have severe symptoms usually.

oh, I live in the US.

:/ they'll give any excuse to not give medical help.

in order to be a "threat to yourself or others" you have to have attempted suicide, plotting suicide, plotting homicide, or attacked someone.

:/ even then they'll just throw you off to the side.

my friend is required by law to be medicated, yet they wont give him medication.

Hm that's also not good. I actually think our health system is not so bad, but in the psychiatric system they tend to be too controlling very often. I can't deal with the fact when someone try's to control me in any way, even in small things, it makes me paranoid.

So I called in the ambulant part of the psychiatry today for an appointment, but the psychiatrist I talked to in the past and he isn't working in the ambulant part of the psychiatry anymore. I was told I've to make an appointment by someone else, but I was confused and hung up.


I feel like I need at least some reliability and this confuses me now.