Symptoms are getting worse...

Jasper wrote:I'm sorry to hear about your symptoms and also about your daughters.
I know what you mean, I also have many difficulties focusing but when I'm highly interested itso okay, but I can't decide myself to where to put my focus on.

thanks Jasper, i could not say it better!!

So hi...

I'm new to the forum. I've been diagnosed for 1.5 years now. I'm 19 years old female. My father left when i have been about 10. First we talked alot through the internet and i would come and visit him, but now he does not want to contact with me, because he strongly believes that he is being watched and would not like for others to know what we are talking about.. I know.. Sounds familiar. He is also very depressed and i think "Schizoaffective Disorder?".

Sorry went a bit off topic. For two years now i see a dark shadow-like man with red eyes. He is currently speaking in my head. He is the leader of the creatures that visits me every night. I also see a dead (asexual, sexless i don't know the correct term) creature with white eyes and screwed joints and it has a lot of cuts on his body and it has long and sharp claws. It does not talk, just growl or lurk in the corner. It wiould hurt me (claw me, strangle me) if i get in an argument with the "gang". There is also a funny, fat, fluffy, black cat that walks on two legs and he is sarcastic as one can be. Still he is fun. and there is my favorite one. The boy. He is shadow-like, made of hairs and smokes and is all black. The cat has yellow eyes sometimes.

I was admitted to the mental hospital for 4 times. I'm currently am on 20mg olanzapine, 1000mg depakine, 400mg quetipin and 100mg setraline and haloperidol (7,5mg) and i occasionally take some sleeping pills. The problem is that even that many medicine does not make me "normal". And lately it's getting worse. The only time the creatures go away to their own dimension is when i take maximum dosage of 4 antipsychotics at once, which makes me a walking corpse.

Maybe you guys know how to nicely communicate with my night guests withut making them mad? I would like them to stop making fun of me and threatening to hurt me and my family if i will not do what they want me to do. And admission to the mental hospital does not work.. I tried. They get really really mad and make me cut, stab with neadles, beat myself or worse.. they want me to do bad things... How to live with them? Especially when depressed.

P.S. I can't tell that it is getting worse for other people, because they will loc me away, i know. they are watching me and waiting. and locked up.. i am all alone with them. please, don't tell anyone.

slapukaityte Hi!!
I am sorry you are going through such difficult time.
What you say reminds me a lot of a couple of psychotic episodes I had.
during the day this face would laugh at me, and then at night I would have the most horrendous nightmares.

how it stopped? I grew up in the church, I prayed ....but I also despite the fear, learned to confront these evils and tell them to go, that they were not longer welcome in my dreams.

if you believe in a greater force, or in the goodness within you, then take the strength from there and ask them to leave. I also take xeroquel now, but now is nothing compared to those days.

I am sure as I see from far away, that I had many problems then as a student, economic, emotional, romantic, etc, that probably brought the anxiety and the nervousness and stress to its limits.

look around your life, what do you need to change to create an armonious and friendly and loving
background for you to heal?
medicines are important to get out of the crisis,
then we slowly learn to make necessary changes in our life, to the extent that we can,
and then we learn to see the symptoms as they approach us, and ask for help before the next crisis.

there will be good forces fighting against the negative ones, sometimes they are silent or you can not see them, they are with you and will help you through these difficult times.

great that you have shared with us, you are not alone, there are many of us that have gone through it and got better.
keep in touch and you will be in my thoughts and prayers,
l

Hi loise thank you so much for your response. There are still some questions I would like you to ask.. I understand you managed to tell them to go away? How did you do that? I tried ignoring them, then they get angry.. I tried to asking them to leave, they just laughed. And when I demanded.. Well that night the angry creature came and he started clawing me and choking me, I tried to get his hands off my neck and tried to run away. And.. Then blank.. I don't remember what happened next, but I "woke up" from that (I guess I could call state or blackout..) when I felt a really bad pain in my belly and blood. That night I miscarried.. I don't know how to ask/make them leave. They threaten me if I won't do what they says they will make me kill someone I love again. It got so much further than "hallucinations" could go.. I'm not crazy.. I know I see things others don't see, but also psychics do, but no one puts them into hospitals... Maybe there is a way to coexist with the "gang"? They are nice and supportive sometimes.. Like we all are.

]Hi slapukaityte

... I understand you managed to tell them to go away? How did you do that?
it was years of struggle, at the beginning like with you, it would get worst. I never stopped praying, but eventually I realised I needed help.

you did not killed anybody, the miscarriage occurred and your mind gave it a context of evil, but it is not like that. Your body probably was not ready to have that baby.

I do agree that some people like us, can feel and see that fight between evil and good within and outside of us, but you need to remember that we are good, and anything that wants to prove us the contrary is a lie, The lie, the lie that confuses us, the lie that comes dressed up as anger and confusion.

one time I tried to laugh at it, and it became very violent against me.

at times I thought if maybe I had convulsions, and my brain gave them a story...because physically there could be so much pain...just like you say.


sometimes like you, from the fighting I would wake up and be afraid to go back to sleep. it is a very very difficult time.
they can not make you do something you do not want to do, because you are stronger than them. That is the problem, they have us subdued for years before we realize we are in control and they are nothing else than a smoke curtain.

.......I know I see things others don't see, but also psychics do, but no one puts them into hospitals..

me too, and it has always been like that. With the years I have learned to, not coexist,
but control them. there are things that are available to us, like too much of it, makes us sick, like candy....well this ability to walk into this other realm is also dangerous in the long run, better stay out of it. This is a more delimited and partial reality, but believe me, the other one has no end
and no limits. IF you want to function among others, then you need to take slowly your interest outside that world.

trust your instinct, sometimes ignoring them, sometimes confronting them, sometimes attacking back, you will find what works for you, but you need to make a choice, between there and here, once you make it, the rest will follow.
let us keep in touch,
l

I sure need to make a decission...

Thank you

slapukaityte wrote:I sure need to make a decission...

Thank you

your welcome