What are your delusions?

I'm curious about the range of delusional thoughts. I've just been pre-DX'd with schizoaffective and am trying to revaluate my thinking, and I don not know which thoughts are which... I would elaborate but for now I lack the vocabulary, so if anyone would be so kind as to share their ideas I'd be much obliged.


xoxo

I don't know if they are delusions or not... how can we possible know? Sometimes I can look at what I said or wrote and say, "That sounds crazy" but realize it was still ringing true in an overly eccentric way.

Do you really want to know? Suffice it to call them delusions of grandeur, but that isn't the half of it and I'm intelligent enough that they are not entirely far-fetched. I'm too tired to share anything right now, I am sorry... maybe when I am in a healthier, stronger state of mind. And maybe not...

Most of the time, I am in full control of my thoughts and they don't range too far out of relatively 'normal,' as if such a thing even existed. Mania generally triggers my schizophrenia directly (usually turning very bad as it wears off and crashes), how severely it is varies. It also makes me have insight and enlightenment at incredible levels, brilliance that varies in accuracy but never lacks imagination.

Beyond that, I have voices in my head, that I recognize as a part of my mind I can't control... or am I mistaken? I tend to just be really depressed and bothered by a relatively unconvincing but painful and hateful voice I cannot resist responding to, especially when alone. The 'shifting shadows' -- as I like to call them -- in the darkness also unnerve me on occasion despite logic generally overruling them. (This is the closest thing I have to visual hallucinations)

I am sorry, I am just not comfortable sharing the utter depths of my depravity today (so to speak), or possible any other day, either. I hope this limited insight proves helpful to you, but I cannot say that it is reliable or even remotely typical, and a great deal of this -- especially recognizing it as a condition -- is such a new and confusing experience for me right now...

Thank you, any insight is appreciated.
I'm not looking to collect stories from people, but somehow cope with the idea of delusions and how maybe see whether I do have them or not. I've just been pre-diagnosed and it really left me in the dark, so any input is appreciated. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable, needless to say. It's really dark times for me now and I'm trying to educate myself.
So thank you again.

PinkiePie wrote:Thank you, any insight is appreciated.
I'm not looking to collect stories from people, but somehow cope with the idea of delusions and how maybe see whether I do have them or not. I've just been pre-diagnosed and it really left me in the dark, so any input is appreciated. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable, needless to say. It's really dark times for me now and I'm trying to educate myself.
So thank you again.

It's the same for me, I didn't even recognize the bipolar symptoms as even being 'symptoms'. Mania was not a thing I recognized as anything more than an elated mood and spark of brilliance until it was explained as such, and even then...

The symptoms of schizophrenia I have always felt, but never knew they meant a disorder.

Delusions are a funny thing... the challenge of differentiating delusions from not, and especially picking apart what is and isn't, can be very, very challenging. Paranoia and unexplainable foreboding feelings seem like good examples. It's certainly more diverse (and in-depth for these two examples) than that, though.

Does it count as paranoia to imagine terrible things happen to your child, to imagine holocaust scenarios, to invent tales about people being awful to you, even if you can somehow shake them off as unreal but they are so morbidly intense? Is this just overactive imagination or actually delusions?
Tho I certainly have delusions: being watched, looking for signs everywhere, extreme superstitions
(I couldn't let my character in animal crossing wear a black veil because I imagined it will cause the death of my kid?).

So, so lost. With DID on top of it I am just waiting for my hospital stay (in a week) antsy and so impatient. I wanna know what's up with me and I'm breaking down.

Thanks for the replies, feels really good to read them

Idk if those are delusions but I did the exact same thing. That's what got me put in therapy when I was in elementary school. I had fears of the second story of the house falling down because I couldn't imagine how it was supported. Also I'd flip out at water because I'd get intrusive thoughts of it being stomach acid and it would melt me. Another was on food, like I'd think an apple or something would change to worms or bees while I ate it. I also had some related to disasters and history. Like we learned about slavery, and that horrified me as a child (as it should, but I was having constant intrusive thoughts about lynchings and such). I also had intrusive thoughts of being skinned alive or tortured, because I saw some documentary on this guy who threw a huge party and did that to the guests (he lived in the renaissance, he was close to royalty and the party was over royal politics, I forgot his name but he was nicknamed a vampire). Other disasters I obsessed with were 9/11 (I was 6 at the time), which related to my fears of the second story of my house collapsing, and that typhoon in India (I forgot when that was).

Toucan wrote: Also I'd flip out at water because I'd get intrusive thoughts of it being stomach acid and it would melt me. Another was on food, like I'd think an apple or something would change to worms or bees while I ate it.

Had the same exact thoughts with the exception of it not being stomach acid but some chemical!
Also having intrusive thoughts of torture, \\TW

also sexual
//TW
Are you DX'd with schizoaffective? Sorry if I ask too much.

I'm not diagnosed with anything but I was prescribed anti psychotics due to my hallucinations.
I forgot, I was DX'd with depression/anxiety when I was 9. They didn't really know what to think of the other symptoms.

It might sound nuts or something, but I made very negative experiences once in the psychiatry when they locked me up and since that time I've the paranoia that they are out to get me, the psychiatrists who work in that clinic. Upto a certain degree I know that's unreal and just me, but I still can't trust them.

Jasper wrote:It might sound nuts or something, but I made very negative experiences once in the psychiatry when they locked me up and since that time I've the paranoia that they are out to get me, the psychiatrists who work in that clinic. Upto a certain degree I know that's unreal and just me, but I still can't trust them.

I don't trust either my psychologist nor my psychiatrist. I think they are both just trying to take advantage of me in one way or another, but at the same time they are the only people that can directly help me, so I am at a loss...

I haven't even really seriously considered the concept of being hospitalized nor has anyone brought it up, but I've been asked multiple times whether I had suicidal thoughts, to which I vaguely answered 'no'. I suspect if I was even slightly convincing that I might, it wouldn't be pleasant for me... but I am being honest to be fair.

Sorry... I digress. I only bring this up as it's being brought up in this topic.

More details on some of the delusions I have had:

As a child, I've always had irrational fears and delusions of things that would kill me, and to this day I am extremely unnerved sometimes by the dark. Every now and then I feel like something terrible is going to happen if I do or don't do something, and sometimes I cannot help but submit to this feeling 'just to be safe'. Paranoia is a constant thing, I cannot trust anyone. Yesterday it got so bad that I couldn't even trust my own family, which I have never experienced before. I have severe social phobia as well, I obsess over how people think of me and it drives me crazy.

My memory is not very good lately, so I can't really help much more than this. I wish I could be of more help.