Am I a sex offender. My negative thoughts are killing me

Ada wrote:You said in your original post that you see your cousin regularly and that you get on well. I would suggest that you ask to meet with him, somewhere private, and ask him about it directly.

i respectfully disagree. don't talk to him about this. if he doesn't remember, it will only freak him out and there is no reason to do that. being gay has nothing to do with any past experiences, it's innate and it is nothing for you to worry about.

ihauntyourhouses wrote:if he doesn't remember, it will only freak him out and there is no reason to do that.

I understand that, you're right, ihyh. Although I still think it's the quickest and most complete route to sorting this out. However, the alternative would be talking it through with a therapist. That could help to clarify your memory, JimBob, around the original event. And if there are other factors involved [for example, OCD or other mental health considerations] they should be able to tackle those with you.

thanks Ada, i was mainly thinking about the effect it could have on his cousin... but i also think if this is an important relationship between the two of them, JB70 will probably want to preserve that connection for his own sake.

I can relate, read my post, we had very similar experiences.

You ###$ up once in a big way but you were still pretty young yourself, but they don't remember, but its eating you up because you don't want to be that sort of person.

I believe you when you say it was a one off never happened before, never again, and I detect sincerity in you.

I think you have suffered enough. You ###$ up, and you seem damn determined to never do so again. You got away with it really in terms of legal trouble, sounds like you were being a dickhead maybe hyper and very immature at the time, and didn't appreciate the full angle- I don't know.

$#%^ happens. You ###$ up. I don't think your going to go again but I think you should forgive yourself this once, but if it ever happens again... I don't think it will in your case. You should be flattered i am generally a @@@@@@@ to sex abusers, I don't think per SE thats what you are, you were just young and ###$ up, and have grown up since.

I admit I was drawn by your title... but truthfully I don't think you are a sex offender.
First, it was a one time thing and you didn't touch your cousin.
Second, I think all guys show themselves to someone else at some time or another... it's not unusual. The main thing is that you feel remorse and you've never done it again... and it's obvious you haven't ever considered doing it again.
It's obvious you've learned your lesson and you've changed your behavior. I believe that if you were a real sex offender you would have continued this behavior and gotten your jollies doing so.
So... my advice to you is stop beating yourself up! You are not a sex offender and it's pointless to keep beating yourself up over this one-time incident.
You need to forgive yourself and move on with your life. It's obvious you are a decent guy or else you wouldn't be feeling these pangs of conscience.
So... learn to forgive yourself and move on with your life.
If a police officer hasn't knocked on your door yet, they probably never will. Also... they want people who have offended continually throughout their lives... not just once as a teenager. I also believe that so much time has elapsed since then that you probably wouldn't even face legal issues.
So... chill... learn to forgive yourself... and move on and learn your lessons... that's the best thing you can do... I think that you're worried over nothing at all...

Objectively no, you didn't do anything wrong. Put it in another context: What if you were both nudists. Would showing him your penis be offensive? Subjectively, if you did it and were arroused and asked him to fondle it or something like that ya, that's inappropriate. Not a major deal though. If two 5 year-olds had done it it'd be laughed away. Would say then the context matters more than the actual act itself. If you didn't force him to touch you and it was a basic 'show n tell' sorta thing it's much ado about nothing.

We make these things out to be worse than devil worship and treason when they're actually quite normal, and again depending on the context, can be healthy. Been a lot of research done among nudists to see how children relate to adult genitalia and the consensus is that they don't fret over differences in size like some might think would be the case, but rather are reassured that their's will become bigger as they get older. So even done in a secret show n tell event, mere showing and touching isn't anything harmful. Much depends on context and any followup to it, like if parents find out and scold or shrug it off. The adult reactions determine how events are perceived in children since for the kids it's always innocent if in play.