I Have Remorse

First, stop and take a deep breath, okay? You aren't a waste of space, and you aren't some big, horrible monster. Reading over your first post carefully, and listening to some of the replies you've made, I think it's more likely that, like someone else already mentioned, this is more of a case of teenaged hormones and misplaced attention.

It's natural for boys in your age bracket to be aroused by just about anything, from the least provocation - that doesn't mean acting on it is right. Yes, you've made a few mistakes - but its nothing that cannot be worked on and dealt with. You do need to find a way to come clean about this, or to discuss it with your parents or someone else who can help you cope with the feelings your having and the things your going through.

I'm sorry that you feel like you are unable to talk openly with your parents about this issue - but can understand that you may not have a safe environment to discuss it in. Is there any other way you could get into youth counseling or therapy? Perhaps raise the issue of depression as a side note with your doctor for a referral, and find help on these other issues that way? Normally I would not suggest lying, but if you have no other alternatives to getting help, sometimes it's necessary.

The issues with your sister do need to be resolved, though, and honesty is always the best policy, if you are able to find a way to do it.

Know, however, that you are not a horrible person, you are not a monster, and you are not a waste of space. You are a valued, living person who deserves a happy life - no matter what kinds of mistakes they've made.

I hope you are able to resolve this issue!
-PSORLY

You came to the forum because you did need to tell someone. I am sure you had hopes and expectations from how ppl here would respond. I think, everyone's response here was both fair and compassionate and the advice everyone gave you was sound. I understand your fear about telling ppl about what you did, but if you want to make peace with yourself, I see no other way of doing it except telling someone in the 3D world. I don't know how your mom will react. I am a mother of an adult son, and I can tell you that if I had two kids and one of them came to me and told me that he did what you did, I would never disown him, but I'd make sure that he gets help and that the other kid is protected. I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your mom and what she will do when you tell her. I also understand the risk of seeing a counselor. If you live in the US, the counselor will be required to report this to child protective services. They do their own investigation. I don't think they get the police involved unless it's really necessary, but I can't be completely sure because I am not familiar with all their rules. I know of some cases where the kid perpetrator was put in the foster care, but I also know of some cases where they let him stay at home because they felt that he posed little risk to other siblings. I assume, there are cases when the police gets involved and the kid is put in the juvenile hall, but I believe those are cases when the kid is a repeated offender, has established a pattern of abusive behavior and the abuse is much more severe. Again, those are my assumptions. I have no idea what will happened when you tell someone, but I don't think that not telling anyone and living the whole life bearing such burden of guilt and shame is a good alternative. I think, telling your mom or some other adult you trust would be a good first step. This might have some bad consequences, but IMO living in fear and keeping this secret for the rest of your life is worse than anything else.

WM

imsouseless wrote:

CrackedGirl wrote:I am moving this to the Remorse Forum as it is more appropriate there due to its content.

I think it is extremely important that you tell an adult that this has happened as it needs to be addressed urgently for both of you. Please tell someone like your Mum. You have been honest here which is really good and very brave of you but you also need to be honest in 3D. Please tell her and let us know how it goes.

Cracked

If i do tell my mum, she'd probably disown me. Probably call the police too..

If i talk to my school counselor she'd probably report it to the police as well. I'm such a waste of space, this has practically ruined my entire life.

I think that it is really important you tell in order to get help for both you and your sister. If this is left I suspect it will get worse for both of you. I understand you are in a difficult place and I can imagine it would be far from easy to do something so challenging but I think leaving it is going to make things much worse.

Cracked

As someone on the other side, I know how it feels to be your sister. Please talk to her and gently approach the topic. Its a brave thing to do. I know my brother has never spoken to me about it and never will and now I am trying to figure out how I can approach him.

this reply was originally a page long, but i shortened it cause i really only have a few things to say

- you didnt do anything illegal
- personally i dont think you did anything morally wrong, yes a bit wierd, but nothing wrong
- unless your relationship is suffering i dont think you need to bring this up with your sister because it will just be very awkward.

so yeah, i think many people probably had slightly awkward experiences, but as long as you realise that its not something thats acceptable its fine. I think you can attribute all this to curiousity and puberty and now that you've had these experiences and you have learnt from them, it makes you a better person.

also, i think if you did tell your mum, she would understand

imsouseless,
I'd like to appaud your ability to come out about this before either you do something silly to yourself or the issues with your sister gets worse. My husband didn't come clean about what he did to his sister 13 years ago until last year. It also was not three instances (which have increased in intensity for you) but went on for a few years. He didn't have the guts or the guilt you do. He said at the time he felt like it was a naughty thing to do like stealing from the cookie jar. You at least know that what you did was wrong and that it could get worse.
Good on you for seeking help now, not bottling it up. I suggest finding someone you trust and respect who will listen and then help you move on from here. This may be your Mum, Dad, Uncle, Aunty or even a trusted friend of the family. Find someone soon, if you are in a church, perhaps the pastor is a good person, he'll support you, walk you through your feelings of guilt and worthlessness, how to repent and the fact that once you've repented you don't need to carry that guilt with you anymore, it's God's. Finally he should help you in speaking with your sister and your family helping them realise that you are NOT a monster or a pedophile in anyway.
Learn to respect yourself and move on from this with dignity and confidence.

I did something similar when I was young and now I have a healthy relationship with my sister. I just wanted to let you know that there is hope. It wont always be easy though.

I've become depressed, all i do is sit in my room and stare at my computer and occasionally cry. It's showing, too. My mum told my older brother to come talk to me because it's all i do, i've lost interest in playing video games etc.

This is ridiculous, i look at what i've done and think yeah it could be worst, she doesn't even know what i did. But then i start to think "you're a monster, doomed to be a pedophile, your mum wouldn't love you if you told her and your brothers would hate you too." I'm just a big ###$ up, my own dad din't even want me, neither did my stepdad.

It sounds like you are really struggling atm with all of this. I really think you need to ask for some help. Things are highly unlikely to be as bad as you think they are but you do need to talk to someone and ask for some support. You are not doomed but you do need help by the sounds of it. Please take good care of yourself and let us know how you go

Cracked

CrackedGirl wrote:It sounds like you are really struggling atm with all of this. I really think you need to ask for some help. Things are highly unlikely to be as bad as you think they are but you do need to talk to someone and ask for some support. You are not doomed but you do need help by the sounds of it. Please take good care of yourself and let us know how you go

Cracked

But what will 'help' do other than have my mum and family look at me like a freak.. i'd rather not have that.. and no amount of help will change the fact that i'm the scum of the earth, honestly what makes me better than the ones sitting in jail.. the only difference is that my sister to my knowledge doesn't know.