just tired!

1st to anyone who reads this I'm AM NOT looking for pity or sympathies I just need a strangers point of view.
I have been diagnose with depression a long time ago & just accepted it. And yes I often thought & planned my own death. But usually I always have an excuse to stay here. this week has not been a good one.Due to a major disagreement with my sibling I've haven't spoke with her or my niece & nephews for 8 years. I know that was my choice but we just reconnected and I went to see them. It was not good! My sibling is an obvious addict & living off her children. my feelings were so intense I didn't know whether to cry or beat the $#%^ out of her. I've already been diagnose with vary ailments manageable but left untreated can cause death. I've just been diagnose now with a enzyme deficiency with my pancreas and I'm suppose to stop drinking. My heart & mind tells me that I have to stay & help my niece & nephews because its partially my fault of my earlier decision of no contact, but another part of me is saying maybe finally its time to just give up and go to sleep so I don't screw up anymore lives.
what do you think?
G

Hi G,

I’d follow your heart and mind and stay to help.

I fail to see how you screwed up anyone’s life. You haven’t spoken to them in 8 years. How do you screw up someone’s life when you are not even in their life to screw it up? I can understand wanting to help them now, to make up for being gone so long. Family situations like this can be tough. You are obviously a good, caring person to want to help. Your concern and support will hopefully mean a lot to them. Again, I’d follow your heart and mind and stay to help.

(See, no pity or sympathy at all, as requested. I like to think the support offered here by myself and others is usually more on the empathetic side of things anyways.)

Best wishes and take care. -- Jan

I think it is better for you to stay around and to work to make your life better for you so you are not feeling so awful about it and contemplating what you are contemplating.

Keep going

Cracked