Abused? to abuser?

My mood has gone down drastically just an hour ago... And I've thought of some things...

Do pedophiles really deserve help??? I mean should we not just accept the fact that we are to feel the pain... I mean any rational person would think that it is only fair for wrong doers to be punished in any way... How about those who were abused??? They will feel suffering while the pedophile will find some sort of hope? I think its not fair...

I think everyone with remorse deserves help.

Cracked

CrackedGirl wrote:I think everyone with remorse deserves help.

Cracked

I fully agree.

[quote="the_unknown"]When i was on 2nd grade the gay brother of my grandpa (yes he is that old) went to my room and kissed me... I said I don't want that kind of kiss... he kissed me on the mouth with his tongue... he did it twice in one day... I felt it was wrong so I cried and I told my parents about it... He apologized... nothing was done to me after that... I still do however feel very ashamed of it... It might not be a sexual thing but that left a mark on me... That experience deprived me of having close friends because I have something so shameful done to me...

a few years later... (when I was 14)

I really hate myself and really want to commit suicide because I almost turned out to be like him - an abuser... I almost took advantage of my own sleeping sister... I however stopped thank God... i havent done anything but my conscience wont stop bugging me...I am now haunted by these thoughts...

I know I am wrong and I deserve to be punished... My depression is well justified because I have done bad things... To those who maybe triggered... I'm sorry I do not want to be a reminder of an abusive relative...

Can I forget these things? I want to live a normal life... Everything is behind me now but the memories are always there... I really hate myself...[/quote]

The qoute is only there for reference for me to comment. It has no bearing at all other than reference.

Some time in my life, back before I was two years old, something happened to me. The psychologists say it happened, but I have no memory of it except for images until I was four. NOr memories started. I know I was locked in a coal closet in the basement. You could see the little window parralel to the drive way...and I remember great big tires rolling down the drive way as I was locked and securered in the most frightening place in the house. The coal closet and all the ghosts and terrible things the house had. They put a small matress ontop of all the junk they stuck in there...and I know I crawled ontop of that and just stared at the window for a tire to wizz by to let me out. When I was let oout I cried for joy. Unless it was in the evening.

Evening found my behavior unsatifactory and I was told to be put in the closet. During the day, that closet terrified me. n During the night... it was torture. Whaqt could be in there... what ghost was going to kill me?

There I was locked. I couldn't reach the light up above for chain was too short. I couldn't see to make out how to get on to the decrepid matresss they used. I was by the door, or sitting by the door seeing a tune.

Yes a tune. It changed pitch constantly, as I did it and right on time like clockwork. I kept singing the tune with no words.

Unknown from a ghost of man who was created by shame, destruction and pity.

Thus...OCD. The tune got me through the terror. It sounds like you have homosexual feelings. If you read my story... mine starts with a gay assault. BUt, I never stopped there. I wanted you to know me and show you my pain.

Now you.

You don't make it clear if you are homosexual or not. To me it doesn't matter...to you? The most important things is what you did not do. Why? It was your sister. Always remember these things. Tesstosterone is the governing hormone for sexuality, but it never completely controls you. By not doing something, you showing another side of you. The nuturing side of you. The defensive side took over.

Always remember this. No matter your feelings. Homosexual or heterosexual or sexual, it's chemical. Testosterone is in your system.

Your drugged by your own body to like these things. Yikes! So, it's about living with them as they work. Every step you take to get any control is a step above and beyond it.

Basically, you don't have to allow your body to control your feelings and values...

PM anytime... I can help guide you through it... it takes a few days...I'll respond... :)

-- Thu Dec 15, 2011 4:05 pm --

[quote="the_unknown"]When i was on 2nd grade the gay brother of my grandpa (yes he is that old) went to my room and kissed me... I said I don't want that kind of kiss... he kissed me on the mouth with his tongue... he did it twice in one day... I felt it was wrong so I cried and I told my parents about it... He apologized... nothing was done to me after that... I still do however feel very ashamed of it... It might not be a sexual thing but that left a mark on me... That experience deprived me of having close friends because I have something so shameful done to me...

a few years later... (when I was 14)

I really hate myself and really want to commit suicide because I almost turned out to be like him - an abuser... I almost took advantage of my own sleeping sister... I however stopped thank God... i havent done anything but my conscience wont stop bugging me...I am now haunted by these thoughts...

I know I am wrong and I deserve to be punished... My depression is well justified because I have done bad things... To those who maybe triggered... I'm sorry I do not want to be a reminder of an abusive relative...

Can I forget these things? I want to live a normal life... Everything is behind me now but the memories are always there... I really hate myself...[/quote]

The qoute is only there for reference for me to comment. It has no bearing at all other than reference.

Some time in my life, back before I was two years old, something happened to me. The psychologists say it happened, but I have no memory of it except for images until I was four. NOr memories started. I know I was locked in a coal closet in the basement. You could see the little window parralel to the drive way...and I remember great big tires rolling down the drive way as I was locked and securered in the most frightening place in the house. The coal closet and all the ghosts and terrible things the house had. They put a small matress ontop of all the junk they stuck in there...and I know I crawled ontop of that and just stared at the window for a tire to wizz by to let me out. When I was let oout I cried for joy. Unless it was in the evening.

Evening found my behavior unsatifactory and I was told to be put in the closet. During the day, that closet terrified me. n During the night... it was torture. Whaqt could be in there... what ghost was going to kill me?

There I was locked. I couldn't reach the light up above for chain was too short. I couldn't see to make out how to get on to the decrepid matresss they used. I was by the door, or sitting by the door seeing a tune.

Yes a tune. It changed pitch constantly, as I did it and right on time like clockwork. I kept singing the tune with no words.

Unknown from a ghost of man who was created by shame, destruction and pity.

Thus...OCD. The tune got me through the terror. It sounds like you have homosexual feelings. If you read my story... mine starts with a gay assault. BUt, I never stopped there. I wanted you to know me and show you my pain.

Now you.

You don't make it clear if you are homosexual or not. To me it doesn't matter...to you? The most important things is what you did not do. Why? It was your sister. Always remember these things. Tesstosterone is the governing hormone for sexuality, but it never completely controls you. By not doing something, you showing another side of you. The nuturing side of you. The defensive side took over.

Always remember this. No matter your feelings. Homosexual or heterosexual or sexual, it's chemical. Testosterone is in your system.

Your drugged by your own body to like these things. Yikes! So, it's about living with them as they work. Every step you take to get any control is a step above and beyond it.

Basically, you don't have to allow your body to control your feelings and values...

PM anytime... I can help guide you through it... it takes a few days...I'll respond... :)

No I am not a homosexual... there is nothing wrong with it but I am not one...

Hetersexual it is. I am sorry that this has hapened. WHen you are hetersexual and things like this happen, it's hard to imagine other men or boys not doing this. It makes male to male relationships very difficult. You lucky to just have one male friend. Sorry.