im an abuser, ammendment

You bet, you lost My sister left home, and in a way she left what we both shared before, I would describe it as a silent battlefield of scorched earth. I came to her like a refugee, for some timeouts, and we did the little things, cooking, eating, dressing up and going out. Her friends became my friends. We went back to an innocent state when we were just sister and brother. We both longed for it. We were not ready to confront it. Later on she made the first move and we talked.

Your sister grew up as your tyrant and soon became a real sister. A nice conclusion. Well, from what i witnessed today i think my sister is just going to grow up and be a weirdo, reclusive and discusting. It makes me incredibly angry to be honest. I don't know if i'll ever be able to reach her.

You would? Aren't you? This is a minor fault to me. I would like to know what she thinks about it, but I have done something worse to my cousin when I was 14. I have sent him a mail, this is a work in progress now.

Sorry. Yes, i am. I just hate the idea of introducing people to sexual situations, but i did that anyway. I don't know if i even want to know what my sister thinks about it. Good luck with your cousin.

I am schizoaffective, that is a little different. I had an episode 3 years ago after losing my job, home and partner, going through a depression and failing to reboot because I went manic with circumstances I was not able to change. There is some permanent damage with my brain chemistry rendering me disabled by 50%. That is the top of the iceberg. I can deal.
But some childhood experiences may have added to my HPD, and this is the iceberg itself. I am going to work on it in 2012. You are worrying about your sister, right?

I'm sorry, that sounds awful. Apologies for getting off topic- i just wonder if worrying about it will ever send me off the deep end someday. It might already have.

I want to stop to put pressure on you, just asking: are you going to address your OCD?

I don't know. Mom and dad don't want to pay for the prescription and don't like the idea of a developing person on dope, quite frankly. I don't either. This reminds me, i wanted to spill guts on the OCD forum soon. Regarding this, i will say; im sick of being cornered all the time. My physcological hang-ups are going to mortally snag me, come adulthood, come real life. But i seem to be hardwired to not get help. I imagine, that if i could describe what i will have when i am kicked out of the home at 18 years old, it would be "crippled independence" ...at best.

I think we are done here, time to let go. Yes, spill your guts on the OCD forum, very good idea. This introductory post could be helpful, do not miss it obsessive-compulsive/topic14031.html
OCD is not exactly my number, so I will not post much on that forum, but I will continue to read you. Thanks for sharing!