I can't forgive my parents, yet I feel so guilty.

I am the baby in a family of six adopted kids. I am 24 now. My mother was adopted, had me at a young age, was in and out of my life until I was 4, had some legal issues which made her flee to the other side of the country with my baby sister and her boyfriend, leaving me with her adopted parents, my grandparents. My grandma, my adopted mother, never was able to have children of her own, so I was exactly what she wanted.

They took me in as their own and lavished attention and material objects on me. Whatever I wanted, I got. I had no consequences. I never got disciplined. Being an intelligent child, I quickly learned how to manipulate them through guilt and anger. I was the master of the temper tantrum. This led to some ugly conflicts, some often violent, that I am not proud of. These memories eat away at me, causing lots of guilt and self-loathing.

My parents were also overprotective of me, often I was forced to stay inside rather than play with other children. This has caused me to have stunted social skills as an adult and low-self esteem. I felt different from my peers, which caused me to develop severe depression before the age of 12. I was only allowed to watch Christian programming and was forced to attend church until the day I left their home for college. I am not religious at all; I discovered this at a young age. When I tried talking to my parents about it, they sent me to a psychiatrist. I was put on Wellbutrin from the ages of 13-18. It made me gain about 50 lbs.

My parents also never taught me life skills at all, which has caused me strife in relationships. I never learned how to cook, the value of hard work, or even how to drive a car until I was 23! They just babied me and did everything for me! I am having to struggle now to catch up to the rest of my age group. I also have severe anger control issues, stemming from the fact that I was never disciplined.

I can't help but hold my parents accountable for the struggle that I am enduring and for my depression that holds me prisoner so much of the time. Then I start to feel guilty because I know they had good intent and love me so much...but I just can't love them back...I never have

Please discipline your kids. For their sake.

Welcome Lotus,

It is really difficult to grow up in a family where healthy boundaries are not enforced and I am so sorry you had that experience. I think allowing yourself to be angry with your parents is difficult but very important if you are to move on from this. Are you having any help from a therapist - if not I think this would be really useful for you.

Cracked

I am not currently seeing a therapist due to lack of insurance. I'm unemployed right now because I just moved a little while back and can't find a job yet.

I am sorry to hear about your situation. Keep posting here if you want to talk it out more.

Cracked

Lotus Blossom,
My parents also never taught me life skills at all, which has caused me strife in relationships. I never learned how to cook, the value of hard work, or even how to drive a car until I was 23! They just babied me and did everything for me! I am having to struggle now to catch up to the rest of my age group. I also have severe anger control issues, stemming from the fact that I was never disciplined.

Its possible that your parents were narcissists. The engulfing kind, you were *golden child* the one who can do no wrong.
My friend was the*golden child* of a engulfing narc mother, the youngest of the family she was not required to do anything, she was babied, controlled, infantalised.
She ended up anorexic.
Over protection, 'loved too much' its sometimes called. But of course its not love, not really. To love someone is to do the best for them NOT the best for you If you only do whats best for yourself, thats not love, its SELFISH.
I was infantalised by my narc mother, she taught me nothing, I was socially inept still am to some extent.
You say you feel guilty because you do not love these people, it could be that on some level you always knew they loved themselves, and lacked any genuine empathy for you (or anyone else). Why should you love them? They did not have your best interests at heart.
You need to work on your self esteem, and become independent of these 'parents'