Former abuser

Rest assured; I have no interest in discussing religion.

Yes, please guys, don't argue. Maybe there are other charities that don't involve religion or maybe the OP will just find something that suits them best.

Yes, but the problem here is that the OP is (was, I hope) seriously considering hurting his sister because of religious brainwashing about CONSTANTLY feeling remorse and CONSTANTLY praying for forgiveness.

That is not a good thing, that does not give the OP peace at heart; that is having drunk the Kool-Aid.

People come here for advice, they don't come here to be told "you should talk to somebody else" the moment they bring up religion.

And you moderators shouldn't jump on command either, rushing in here the second some overgrown man-child of a jesus-freak complains that he feels "offended" by somebody pointing out that not only doesn't his emperor have any clothes, his emperor does not exist himself.

It's not your place to tell someone why they're considering abusing their sister, it's not an assessment you can make over the internet.
I'll moderate this forum like I'm meant to, if you don't like it you don't have to stay.

And that is as it should be, but you should read the OP also.

Recently, I have watched a TV show which depicted second chances in life. I confessed my faults to the Lord and asked for forgiveness. I believe He has forgiven me, although I sometimes doubt about it. I have also forgiven myself and look forward to move on. I want to take responsibilty for my actions and seek to ask forgiveness from my parents and sister. It doesnt matter for me if I will get really punished for what I did. I would accept it if I am sent in jail. I will accept the pain because I truly deserve it. I want to reveal my actions to parents and my sister. However, I fear the consequences that might happen to my family, especially my sister. I am full of remorse and will accept whatever punishment will be given to me. But I fear that this revelation may ruin her life forever.

That's the part about hurting which I was referring to.

pheonixrise wrote:Of course it will devastate them. But it might be something your sister needs to understand herself and heal, in which case it would be better for her (long-term) to know. I don't know for sure whats best in your situation.

If I read the story correctly, his sister was sleeping. She is probably totally unaware and unaffected. There would be nothing to heal from. It's not a memory that is repressed and needs to be exposed. It's totally out of her mind, might as well have not happened. Have you ever had someone ask if you heard the thunder storm or the train going by, and you didn't know that it happened because you slept through it? It's like it never happened at all. It sounds to me like the only problem she has is that her brother is suffering from stress. If he tells her, I doubt that she will regain memories… at least accurate ones. She might imagine what happened, and have it turn into a memory, but if she was asleep she didn't experience the abuse and would have nothing to remember.

Thank you everyone for replies and sorry for not replying for a very long time. I was very anxious to post here for some reasons. Anyway, I would just like to say that my sister doesnt know anything of what I've commited during those times. At the same time, I didn't remove any of her clothing or did any form of forcing. But that is no excuse for what I've done is a crime against humanity. At the moment, I am well. I still maintain my relationship with my sister. I haven't told anyone of this . I do have to say that there are times that I do still feel extreme guilt. But this pain of mine is nothing compared to those who were abused. Still, there where times where I was feeling little to no remorse at all. I do not know the reason. But what I do realise is that I cannot stay forever whining how I could have turned back the time and avoid doing what is done. The damage is there as my2cent says. I have no idea if I can ever reveal the truth and repair the damage. I do not fantasize my parents or sister forgiving me. Sometimes, I doubt if ever deserve forgiveness. But whatever happens to me, I will still love my sister and my parents. If someone hurts me for what I have done I will accept it and always ready to forgive. I will not give up in this life just because of the mistakes I did. I know myself better that I used to have. There's no excuse for me staying and complaining all day. One day, I believe, the truth will come out. No secret can be kept forever anyway. I do hope that I will be the one to reveal it.

-- Wed Aug 31, 2011 11:36 pm --

Also, I am at peace. I look at nature be at peace or I can just meditate. I have many ways to regulate my emotions. And I do not a whole day long keep reflecting on what I have done and the consequences I might face ahead of me. I still retain plans for the future and some of my normal activities. I pretty much accept that what is done is done. There's no more turning back and that I am responsible for everything. Everything will be revealed. But I do plan to do it in the future, as I consider her age at the moment(14) very crucial for development. For now I wait patiently for that moment and take care of this life.

I do hope that things work out for you and your family.

Cracked

Yeah, as long as you "reveal" this for her sake and not just to reinforce your own perception of yourself as a sinner by adding damage to insult.

As I said before, Alevi, don't tell people why they want to do something in their own thread, especially this kind of thread.