Can an abuser ever right the wrong?

If someone has abused a younger sibling when they were an adolescent, and that sibling turned out to have severe problems, what if anything at all can the abuser do to make things right? Would it even be their place to try? Let's say the abused doesn't listen to anyone but the abuser. Lets also say that the abuser keeps reccommending a social work program for the abused sibling, but to no avail. What then? How can that person be helped in any way possible?

I don't know if you can make it ok or not...my stepmom stuff happened mostly 14-15 and some later but it's a been at least a couple years and I have not been able to forgive her or move on from it, and due to my religious beliefs I think people SHOULD forgive those who have hurt them, br it is really hard to actually do that.
Maybe if she really seemed to know she had done something wrong and wanted to change...maybe then I'd be more forgiving, I don't know. But as she doesn't seem to think she did anything wrong and she doesn't plan on trying to change...not really feeling very forgiving.

I think first of all does the abused person really still want their abuser in their life? If not, the abuser should respectfully back out and not be in their life...maybe healing would be easier for the abused person if their abuser was not around them. Or even if they still want some contact, let them be in charge of it as much as possible- meaning, the abused person gets to decide how often visits/phone calls are, that way they can decide not to see or hear from the abuser if they so choose.
However if for whatever reason they are ok with the abuser being in their life... the abuser should encourage the abused person to do whatever it is they feel they need to do for help, like counseling, etc.
But the abuser cannot and should not force or try to pressure or manipulate the abused person into doing these things.
Abuse takes away control from a person- it is liberating for the abused person to have freedom to make their own choices without pressure tactics, intimidation, or even pushiness.
So the abused person definitely needs to be free to make their own choices, even if those choices are not really the smartest. They deserve the right to choose their own lifestyle from now on.
I also think it could possibly help if the abuser says that they are truly sorry for what they did and they regret it and feel terrible that they have caused problems for the abused person; and they say that they want to make sure they never hurt another person they way they hurt him/her, so they are going into counseling to help stop those behavioral/thoughts.

These were just some things I was thinking about for your question but I don't know if they are right or not..these could be all wrong...I'm no expert

I don't know either.

My mum, who was abused by her mum, said she'd know her mum was sorry when the first words that came out of her mouth were "I know you may never want to talk to me again, but I'm sorry, and this is why."

None of my abusers were siblings, and I never want to see them again. The mere thought of being near them makes my skin crawl.

With siblings it can be a bit different though. I think Waiting has a lot of good advice. First you have to know if the survivor wants to have the abuser in their life or not. If so, the survivor is the one that sets the boundaries of the relationship, the abuser must respect them. If not, the abuser must respect that.

Perhaps the survivor would be more inclined to try the social work program if the abuser were to tell someone else that the survivor trusts and has told their story to about the program, so the trusted friend/family member could pass on the information to the survivor.

I think that the abuser can try to point the abused in the right direction but should not push it as psychologically that is taking control again and it is so empowering for the abused to take control. I also think the abuser should consider therapy themself in order to work through their feelings about the situation as it is very complex.

Cracked

Thanks for the responses. Good advice so far.

By the way, I want to make it clear that by "right the wrongs" I don't mean that the abuser should try to mend the relationship with the abused. I can see how it could also be healthy if neither talked to each other again.

What do you think about the abuser seeking therapy? I think it might help them. Ppl who abuse often have reason to do it and complex thoughts going through their head after they have done it too. Therapy can help with that and may also help with knowing what to do about righting the wrongs with the abused.

Cracked

Note I am not excusing the abuser's behavour or saying what they did was right, just that therapy might help them figure out WHY they did it and WHAT they can do now

Cracked

sitar85 wrote:If someone has abused a younger sibling when they were an adolescent, and that sibling turned out to have severe problems, what if anything at all can the abuser do to make things right? Would it even be their place to try? Let's say the abused doesn't listen to anyone but the abuser. Lets also say that the abuser keeps reccommending a social work program for the abused sibling, but to no avail. What then? How can that person be helped in any way possible?

As a topic, righting past wrongs has too many answers... It depends