i sexually abused and i want to die

so you touched her stomach and went for a feel northpole but she stopped you and you stopped? dude, your just bein hard on yourself. you DID NOT sexually abuse her. shes angry her cousin tried to feel her up. that is all.it happens. Only SHe can bring herself happiness. Do you honestly think she would be happy that she made you kill yourself over going for a feel and you stopping when she said stop ? My answer: no. There is nothing you can do to help her forgive you. she has too. you could send her roses everyday for the rest of your life, apologize all you want, only she can make herself forgive you. but i repeat, shes blowing it out of proportion, and so are you, if yall think that is sexual abuse. Possible sexual misconduct depending on your morals.

so in short: take it easy on yourself and give her space. Talk to a therapist, im 99% sure he'll agree, if your telling us all the details.

if every women got mad for a guy making a move(and them stopping when she says stop)(the only way youll know if they are interested is to make a move), EVERY guy on earth would be a sexual abuser.\

im glad your feeling better and thinks are looking up, but the sanity of this blow out of proportion situation is questionable.

just give her space.

I can't believe you're upset about this.
Well, I might not be the most empathic person in the world, but I can't comprehend how this upset you this much. You almost killed yourself over moving your hand towards her breasts. I'm not saying this in the "you're weird and I'm judging you" kind of way, I'm saying this in the "You should stop obsessing about this as what you did is completely natural" kind of way. Which I hope /should/ make you feel a little better.

If it helps, I've done something much worse than this and I don't regret it at all. I suppose remorse is a subjective experience and that I'm an emotional idiot for trying to relate to you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7l33gXpt ... ure=colike

Life is precious....this song touched me and I hope it will help your realize what you're worth

Piratana wrote:

sexualabuser wrote:I don't really need therapy as I am not depressed, I am just sad. Furthermore, I am least bothered about what I do in my life. All I want is, bring my cousin's happiness back. Make her feel that this world is just not made of perverts like me. Make her feel happy and confident that I won't escape the punishment I deserve.

That´s how it begins, now, I really hope you´re doing fine now, I myself went through a slight stage of depression before everything went melancholy, I also hope you´re in therapy as you said, and you better talk to your cousin, as you said yourself, she was 17, maybe she forgave you, I probably wouldn´t but at least don´t take her words seriously, even if it means you´ll never talk to her again, you should not die because she told you so, and the fact that you´re guilty means that you are not a pervert asshole, when I was 14 and I was one morning using the underground trains (we call it u-bahn in germany) some pervert started to grab my ass! And I couldn´t do anything about it because it was so crowded and I couldn´t move from the spot, thank god i never saw the face of the idiot! And that I had to get out 1 station later.

I am sorry to hear what happened to you and thanks for your advice. I respect your thoughts but its just that I have been good(or at least I tried to) to be good to everyone regardless of what they have done to me. So, it was too hard for me to digest to believe that I could do such a thing. I would think a million times before harming any living being(including animals, insects etc...). Although we have now started to talk again, I only speak to her for a couple of minutes once in every few days, just to make sure she is having a great life. I don't speak to her for too long, because I don't want the past memories to crop up(not even unintentionally). like I said in my previous posts, I don't hate my life for it is like telling someone(read 'God') that although they gave me the most precious gift(read 'life') but you don't need it, which is ridiculous.

-- Mon Sep 19, 2011 4:33 am --

Jason Raub wrote:'sexualabuser' as has been said, you are not! a sexual-abuser. I think the deal you made out of what you did with the belly rubbing, scares your cousin more, than what you did! really. Put your self in cousins shoes for a moment, okay so your male cousin is holding your hand, and you wake up with his hand on your belly, startled you say why did you do that, now think about being in her shoes seeing your male cousin freaking out saying sorry a million times, that would be scary, as her you might just like to hear 'I'm sorry i just got carried away' because really it's nothing to be ashamed of, may be you made her feel ashamed by freaking out. It really! is okay, just calmly call again and say: 'I'm sorry I made a huge deal out of this situation, yes it was odd to rub your belly, and I felt terrible about doing it to you, lets be close again like we used to be, you know I would never do that again, remember how we used to love being with each other, i miss that allot, you know i care about your feelings cousin, please i want you to be happy again not angry & sad'. You should also seek help, if you are wanting to kill self.

I probably may have made a big deal out of it, but I did not bother her for nearly three years because I thought that I have apologised and she would speak to me the day she forgives me which finally did happen. Although I have not(and I never would) spoken to her about that incident again, but from what I could make out from our short conversations is that although she has forgiven me, she never would forget what has happened, but at the same time, she is talking to me like normal, like I never did anything to her. And she is definitely not angry or sad any more. It takes courage and a great heart to do what she is doing and she is probably the greatest person I have ever seen my life.

-- Mon Sep 19, 2011 4:56 am --

zausel wrote:so you touched her stomach and went for a feel northpole but she stopped you and you stopped? dude, your just bein hard on yourself. you DID NOT sexually abuse her. shes angry her cousin tried to feel her up. that is all.it happens. Only SHe can bring herself happiness. Do you honestly think she would be happy that she made you kill yourself over going for a feel and you stopping when she said stop ? My answer: no. There is nothing you can do to help her forgive you. she has too. you could send her roses everyday for the rest of your life, apologize all you want, only she can make herself forgive you. but i repeat, shes blowing it out of proportion, and so are you, if yall think that is sexual abuse. Possible sexual misconduct depending on your morals.

so in short: take it easy on yourself and give her space. Talk to a therapist, im 99% sure he'll agree, if your telling us all the details.

if every women got mad for a guy making a move(and them stopping when she says stop)(the only way youll know if they are interested is to make a move), EVERY guy on earth would be a sexual abuser.\

im glad your feeling better and thinks are looking up, but the sanity of this blow out of proportion situation is questionable.

just give her space.

I am taking it easy now that I spoke to her and found out that she is completely fine. I am giving her the space she needs and although she has forgiven me, I try not talking to her too much because I know things will never be the same as they were before this incident. But I am glad that I can call her, talk to her and make sure that she is doing fine. I actually don't know what a sexual abuse because I had never kissed anyone before, let alone touching someone's belly or other body parts. She never had blown it out of proportion for it was just that she did not want to talk to me or see me any more. I know she said she wanted me to die, she was angry etc.. but anyone would have reacted the same way she did. And I may be I did not give it time to heal or give her the space she needed. But all seems to be well now and I have learnt my lessons.

-- Mon Sep 19, 2011 5:02 am --

TryingHarder wrote:I can't believe you're upset about this.
Well, I might not be the most empathic person in the world, but I can't comprehend how this upset you this much. You almost killed yourself over moving your hand towards her breasts. I'm not saying this in the "you're weird and I'm judging you" kind of way, I'm saying this in the "You should stop obsessing about this as what you did is completely natural" kind of way. Which I hope /should/ make you feel a little better.

If it helps, I've done something much worse than this and I don't regret it at all. I suppose remorse is a subjective experience and that I'm an emotional idiot for trying to relate to you.

I respect your thoughts but I disagree to agree that it was normal. It wasn't right. But I also agree that I probably blew it out of proportion. I do regret it and I will make sure that this is the first and last time that I have ever done something like this to anyone.

-- Mon Sep 19, 2011 5:11 am --

ChloeAllen wrote:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7l33gXpt5HU&feature=colike

Life is precious....this song touched me and I hope it will help your realize what you're worth

Agree that life is precious and I love my life, I really do. But I have always wanted to live without hurting or harming anyone and I probably could not understand how I could do something so bad. I don't know what I am worth but I would not give away my life just like that. When I said I wanted to die, it was more to do with me wanting to do what my cousin wants. It may be hard to comprehend to understand what I am saying, but I can't think of a better of putting my words across.

I know this thread is 5 months old, but you are not helping anyone by beating yourself up like this. Everyone makes mistakes in life.

Did something really bad happen to you in your life that destroyed your self worth? You seem like if you had more self worth, you wouldn't be beating yourself up this badly. That is what you need to be working on fixing, not what happened with your cousin.

Besides, you were 19. People do inappropriate stuff when they are younger. I really hope you learn to forgive yourself. If it helps, find a charity you can donate time and money to (you said you don't have time due to school, so maybe when you do get free time you can, etc). This is no way to live.