i sexually abused and i want to die

I know I'm late to this discussion, but I've got to say something about this. In some cultures, cousins do marry each other and no one thinks anything of it. Your ages were also close enough to each other that there is no question of this being a pedophilic kind of thing. In essence, what you really did was to do what millions of 19 year old boys do -- you went and felt up a pretty girl who was available and she didn't like it. Frankly, if she can't forgive you for that, then she has serious problems of her own. You didn't rape her, you didn't abuse her and it's not like you were doing something age inappropriate. While I wouldn't make a habit of doing such things, I'm sure you wouldn't be the first or the last 19 year old boy to do something similar with someone they felt close to and with whom they misinterpreted certain cues.

Bottom line, for most people, this would be one of those embarrassing, funny moments they mention at a party where every laughs about "how silly we all were." You beating yourself up about it three years later, not to mention deciding to commit suicide the next day is the real issue here, not what you did. You are being overly sensitive about something that should not be that big of a deal. Mind you, I'm not trying to minimize your pain, which I'm sure is quite real, but you do need therapy to deal with why something which is embarrassing and somewhat inappropriate but hardly a major issue is causing you so much pain.

Hi - I am new here, but this is the first thread that struck me as in need of feedback.

Your cousin has a serious problem of her own. It isn't you.

You need to disconnect from your guilty feelings (guilt-trip) because you are hoping that the guiltier you feel the more she will forgive you, but she won't. It's her game and she is just using you. Constantly hanging onto your guilt is just inappropriate (you didn't do anything that bad) and will damage you long-term. Get to see it as her problem. She is not reacting normally.

Good luck.

innergirl wrote:Hi - I am new here, but this is the first thread that struck me as in need of feedback.

Your cousin has a serious problem of her own. It isn't you.

You need to disconnect from your guilty feelings (guilt-trip) because you are hoping that the guiltier you feel the more she will forgive you, but she won't. It's her game and she is just using you. Constantly hanging onto your guilt is just inappropriate (you didn't do anything that bad) and will damage you long-term. Get to see it as her problem. She is not reacting normally.

Good luck.

Good advice here.

So, you gave your cousin a belly rub? You should have asked for permission firsts...

Anyway, what you did was stupid, but I don't think it is sexual abuse... Also, I think the problem is with your cousin that is not accepting your apology and is making you feel more bad.

You two are over reacting.

Sorry for such a late reply. I have been busy with my uni exams(I did realy well in d exams )
@JimCR. I know that there are cultures, where cousins do marry each other. But in our culture, cousin is treated like your own brother/sister. So, I was at fault. Like I said previously in my posts, I am normal and happy. All I want is to do something that lets her be in peace, that lets her feel that I got punished for what I did and make her happy about it. I am not going through any pain.

@innergirl. I understand that my cousin may have a serious problem. But I am responsible for it. She is NOT using me. I know her very well. She is innocent and would not do anything of that sort. I cannot get to make her see it as her problem. That is like you raping someone and blaming them that they have put you in the wrong circumstances because of which the rape was justified. Now, I am not saying that I have raped her, but I was giving an example of what your statement sounded to me like.
I guess what we cannot come on terms with is "HOW COULD I DO THIS TO HER?". She was so close to me. She would always call me her best bro. She trusted me the most. Try putting yourself in her shoes, you may not feel the same guilt, but you would still be like, 'what the hell has happened'. She got abused and lost her best bro, both at d same time.

@Cynosexual. I do not how my cousin is now so I cant tell if she is over reacting. But I certainly am not. Its more like, you know that you did something terribly bad and you just want to fix it somehow and you put in all your efforts to fix it.

On a sidenote, I value my life the most. So when I started talking about suicide and stuff, it wasn't like I did not think over it before I shared with everyone. My target was and still is the same. HOW DO I MAKE HER FEEL NORMAL. LIKE SOMETHING HAPPENED TO HER, BUT SHE COULD FORGET IT. MAkE HER FEEL THAT EVERYTHING IS OK. MAKE HER FEEL THAT SHE COULD STILL TRUST PEOPLE AND NOT EVERYBODY IS LIKE ME.

sexualabuser wrote: MAKE HER FEEL THAT SHE COULD STILL TRUST PEOPLE AND NOT EVERYBODY IS LIKE ME.

Regardless of culture, that is something she will learn in time. As she builds strong relationships with other cousins and other family members, she will know that not all people make such mistakes. In time, she'll most likely find a partner, and that's when she'll really begin to understand that she can trust.

I very much hope that you and your cousin are reconciled some day. I know that for her and for you, this is really a huge thing, and I hope one day you'll be able to say sorry to her and she'll be able to listen. I also hope that in time she will forgive you (and tell you). And that you will forgive yourself.

Congrats on getting through your exams, and doing well (:

Day before yesterday, I had a really bad day and I was very depressed. Things were not going the way I wanted. After the day ended, I sent an apology text again to my cousin stating that I was sorry and told her that I was going through hell and nothing would go right till she forgives me. It was her sister's birthday on the very next day. So, I called her sister up to wish her and my cousin was sitting next to her and after I wished my cousin's sister, my cousin took the phone from her and SHE SPOKE TO ME. although she did not say if she has forgiven me, she did start talking to me like everything was normal and we spoke for about 2 minutes and then she hung up. I wanted to tell her so much but my mind went blank when I was on the phone and I did not really talk much (which is why she hung up so quick). I feel so nice about everything now(nicer than ever!!!). I may call her up again in a day or two and just have a friendly chat again as it has been nearly 3 years since I spoke to her. I think she has either forgiven me or at the very least she cares so much for me that she doesnt want me to go through any trauma and is only talking to me so that I am happy!
She is such a great person!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it is so good to hear that (:

sexualabuser wrote:I don't really need therapy as I am not depressed, I am just sad. Furthermore, I am least bothered about what I do in my life. All I want is, bring my cousin's happiness back. Make her feel that this world is just not made of perverts like me. Make her feel happy and confident that I won't escape the punishment I deserve.

That´s how it begins, now, I really hope you´re doing fine now, I myself went through a slight stage of depression before everything went melancholy, I also hope you´re in therapy as you said, and you better talk to your cousin, as you said yourself, she was 17, maybe she forgave you, I probably wouldn´t but at least don´t take her words seriously, even if it means you´ll never talk to her again, you should not die because she told you so, and the fact that you´re guilty means that you are not a pervert asshole, when I was 14 and I was one morning using the underground trains (we call it u-bahn in germany) some pervert started to grab my ass! And I couldn´t do anything about it because it was so crowded and I couldn´t move from the spot, thank god i never saw the face of the idiot! And that I had to get out 1 station later.

'sexualabuser' as has been said, you are not! a sexual-abuser. I think the deal you made out of what you did with the belly rubbing, scares your cousin more, than what you did! really. Put your self in cousins shoes for a moment, okay so your male cousin is holding your hand, and you wake up with his hand on your belly, startled you say why did you do that, now think about being in her shoes seeing your male cousin freaking out saying sorry a million times, that would be scary, as her you might just like to hear 'I'm sorry i just got carried away' because really it's nothing to be ashamed of, may be you made her feel ashamed by freaking out. It really! is okay, just calmly call again and say: 'I'm sorry I made a huge deal out of this situation, yes it was odd to rub your belly, and I felt terrible about doing it to you, lets be close again like we used to be, you know I would never do that again, remember how we used to love being with each other, i miss that allot, you know i care about your feelings cousin, please i want you to be happy again not angry & sad'. You should also seek help, if you are wanting to kill self.