Shameful Cousin

It is brave of you to post. I think the best thing you can do is apologise to her and your family and get some help to show them you are working on addressing what you did. I would suggest finding a therapist to work through this with and tell them what happened. Good luck.

Cracked

I found this forum and feel relieved that people are going through the same things I am. I abused a cousin the same age when I was the same age as Shameful Cousin. There were only a few incidents, but I feel an incredible sense of guilt and remorse. It's been over a decade since then and I have never abused again. I have even avoided relationships out of fear of finding out.

My biggest fear is that my cousin, who is now in college, will turn me in one day. I don't want a careless, stupid childhood mistake to come back and ruin my life and my family in the process.

I don't want to tell them, maybe they forgot, but if the day comes when they want to talk about it, I will be quick in my forgiveness.

I think it is brave of you to post. I would advise you wait for her and see if she wants to bring it up. If she does the apologise and acknowledge what you did was wrong. I would also seek therapy to discuss what you did and why you did it. They may also be able to give you advice about what you should do to approach the situation.

Cracked

Six years later from when this forum was active, I'm posting here. I have a very similar story from when I was young 15-16, sexually abusing my younger female cousin 3 years younger than me when she was asleep. I'm about to be 21 now and I also feel like I don't deserve good things in my life because of what I did. I beat myself up for it all the time. If anyone is reading this with a similar story, know that other people like you see in this forum go or have gone through the guilt, shame, and anger towards oneself because of what they did. Do what is right for on out. Do what's right, be strong. If you feel inclined to do so: apologize to her when you feel it's right to do so, volunteer your time and help others, support rape/abuse prevention programs in any way you can, or anything else you can think of. That's it. Have nothing else to say.

Peace.

samehere wrote:Six years later from when this forum was active, I'm posting here. I have a very similar story from when I was young 15-16, sexually abusing my younger female cousin 3 years younger than me when she was asleep. I'm about to be 21 now and I also feel like I don't deserve good things in my life because of what I did. I beat myself up for it all the time. If anyone is reading this with a similar story, know that other people like you see in this forum go or have gone through the guilt, shame, and anger towards oneself because of what they did. Do what is right for on out. Do what's right, be strong. If you feel inclined to do so: apologize to her when you feel it's right to do so, volunteer your time and help others, support rape/abuse prevention programs in any way you can, or anything else you can think of. That's it. Have nothing else to say.

Peace.

Have you gone to therapy? I strongly encourage it because you need guidance on how to deal with this issue. Ask the therapist how best to go about to deal with the situation. They can talk over what your options are. You are brave to share with us and explaining your remorse is a good thing. Please seek help for yourself to be able to deal with this in a healthy way and to be guided in what you should do next (if there is that option to do something about it).

Maybe it is safe to ask for forgiveness or maybe it is not, I can't give you advice on that because I am not a therapist who would guide you. It is a touchy subject for sure. You also need to view yourself in a way that shows your sincere remorse. And sometimes, talking things out in a safe environment is the only way to process what happened. Do this for her. And do this for yourself.

I don't know what I am donig . It's been 10 years since you wrote this post. I am write this in the hope that by any chance if you will see this, I would appreciate if you could reply what you have done. I am exactly in the same boat. I know probability of the real poster seeing this like 00.01% , but I don't think i have any other option. If you happen to see this, please reply me. tell me what is going to happen. I am currently on the 3rd year of my constant suffer and shame, ocd make me think i am a ped*. If you ever see this, please reply.

To me it's obvious that you're a good person who did a bad thing. And, you did this bad thing when you were a kid yourself. I'm not excusing it, but this isn't something that shouldn't ruin your life or you should hold onto forever. In my opinion, you've tortured yourself long enough and it's time to begin the process of forgiving yourself.
You might find more peace in telling her what happened and hopefully getting her forgiveness in time. I think it would also be a good idea to talk to your parents about it, and a therapist, then it won't feel like this burden you're holding inside. But this is all something you will have to determine on your own. If it were me, I would try to think of what the best course of action and outcome would be for everyone, and then do that. Sharing it and not sharing it both will have their challenges, but I do think you need to stop punishing yourself, and instead focus on what the best thing to do is and how to live a good life moving forward.
All the best,
Catnaps