Help

The pain won’t go away. It just won’t. I saw my family this week and I know some of them know. Oh the deep pain. I haven’t been home in three years and my fears were correct. In addition, this Drake song, the whole beef is triggering lol. This is the only place on the internet I can go to vent. Anyone know of anywhere else? Anyone else feel this way?

https://www.reddit.com/r/RealEventOCD/ might be worth checking

I've been struggling again recently so you have my sympathies. As the years have gone on I've learned that it comes in waves at least. I've largely made my peace with the fact that I'm never going to feel untainted - that the best I can do is live with the past and my regrets, trying to live better. Even though your event is real, it doesn't stop your brain's reaction to it from being OCD. I am almost certain that the majority of murderers and torturers don't live with as much daily guilt as you do.