Shame of what I did.

I did this when I was 13/14. , i Just thought I should share my experience. I was exposed to porn at a very young age. I did this when I was around 13 to 14. I was not really a mature kid or anything. the other person was around 4 or 5. It involves me making them sit on my lap and me groping, this happened like 3 times, and one time when I was changing her underware, I touched her private part, when she asked whether I was a doctor, that's when I freaked out, this whole situation lasted like 30 sec to 1 minute max. I remembered this like 3 years ago, and been depressed ever since. there has not been a single day when I didn't think about this. I suffer from severe pocd for what I did, and I just hate myself. I wish I was never born. I just feel like I am the worst person even here on this discord group, i think i've done the most disguisting thing
my main worry now is the fear of what if she still remembered that. I had a very good relation ship with her, till 3 years ago, I used to play with her, help her with homeworks and stuff, never had any sexual thoughts, and ever, she seems happy and even try to talk to me when she sees me , only I try to avoid her, even thinking about what I did just makes me want to jump of a building. I am just worried what if she rememberes this, I somehow made sure I did this without her knowing and hating me myself for everything I did, tried to end my life a couple of times. I just hate living, knowing I shuould carry this forever. I wish I could go back in time. I am sorry if this is too muchto share, I just want to let it out. I understand I am a worthless piece of $#%^ and want to rot in hell what I did.
There wasn't any focrce or violence at all, I just hope she dosen't remember this, I no longer have contact with her for like 6 months , She is happy and well, I wish she don't remember them.
sorry if I said something wrong.
would appreciate anyone's opinion.

I am just terrfied of her remembering this incident. I don't know what to do . would appreciate any advice.

Hello, and welcome. Well, this is my opinion:

Thirteen year olds can be little monsters, to be perfectly blunt. I grew up in a world where seventh graders had their own school, all to themselves, precisely for that reason, I rather suspect. Sure, 13 year old you could have used a stern talk, but it seems as if you managed (as I think most of us do) to eventually figure out that there are some things that we just mustn't do. Sex hormones and an immature brain and a tendency to act impulsively- that's an adolescent perfectly described, don't you think? You can only judge yourself so harshly, because the person who did that is so totally different from the person who's feeling remorse over it. You're not a horny adolescent any more, I really think you need to cut yourself some slack. It seems as if nothing serious bad came from this, so I would set this down and slowly back away from it and what happened in adolescence can just stay in adolescence. You're not that person any longer.