i dont know how to continue in life

hello

when i was younger, around 14-16 years old i recorded someone exposing their underwear unknowingly and i got myself off to it.

the worse part was that it was someone younger thwn me, and that i got away with doing so and i only realized recently, the ppl i recoreded dont know that i did and i hope they dont

everyday im reminded of what i did and i feel like i deserve to die and everyrhing else thag you would normally feel knowing you did somethint so fing screwed

i dont know what to do
ive only opened this up to my family, psyxchologist and thats it

i dont know if god or suciide is the answer, the thinf is that it eats me up everyday and i feel like i xant lead a normal life as a result

if the public knew about tjis i would be dead
my frienss would leav me my loved ones would leave me

i dont know what to do, my family says i should just moce on but the faxt that i got away with such a morally abhorrent act makess me question myself on a constant day to day basis if im a monster or not

i dont know what to do i cant take it anymore

This is the words I read:

"When I was a teenager, I did a stupid weird teenagery thing"

You're not that weird teenager now. I think you really seriously need to move on.

Hi Throw,

I am very sorry for what you are going through. I totally understand your pain.

I know you are also feeling that you don't know how to get out of this morally questionable deed that you did and you are going in circles thinking about it.

I think this would help you if you write them down on a paper and read them every time this negative thought pops into your head.

1. You were a teenager.
2. People do silly mistakes all the time and you did because you were silly back then.
3. You never shared those videos with anyone, so even though you did a bad thing, you didn't cause those people any horrible damage.
4. End of the day, your family is standing by you. Thats very very very important. If your parents are forgiving you, if your siblings are forgiving you, then please forgive yourself.

Learning to forgive yourself takes time.. and it comes with practice. God will help you.

Keep forgiving everyone whom you knew did a mistake. Just learn compassion. That will help you.
I am trying to do that too. I do have a lot of guilt. and I made a list and am trying to work through it.

Hope it helps you too..!! and don't do the mistake again. I wish you all well..!!

The world would NOT react the way you think if everyone knew this about you. How I react, is that I believe you're a good person who did something they regret deeply. What you did isn't unforgivable and basically everyone has done weird things they regret when they were that age. The fact that this has caused you so much pain just shows how good of a person you are, if anything. If people knew what you did, but also knew how much pain it caused you, everyone would forgive you and tell you to let it go and forgive yourself.