I feel like I had done something terribly wrong

Snaga wrote:Well I hate to tell you, but you are probably pretty far, from awful. But you have to convince yourself of that, I can't do it for you. You really need to let this go. Have you spoken to a professional about this?

No I haven’t. I can’t afford therapy and even if I could I would be far too afraid to open up about this. I just want to cry. I wish I was a better person and not some disgusting waste of a human. :/

If you were a disgusting waste of a human, you wouldn't be tore up over this, when the rest of us, don't see you as all that bad. But you have to believe that for yourself.

And you really should, even if it's just a little therapy, or a free/reduced cost therapy service, or something. You are beating yourself up over this, to rival anyone in the OCD forum- I have OCD, and am the moderator of that forum, so I'm quite familiar with this pattern of thought. You need to learn to let this go.

Snaga wrote:If you were a disgusting waste of a human, you wouldn't be tore up over this, when the rest of us, don't see you as all that bad. But you have to believe that for yourself.

And you really should, even if it's just a little therapy, or a free/reduced cost therapy service, or something. You are beating yourself up over this, to rival anyone in the OCD forum- I have OCD, and am the moderator of that forum, so I'm quite familiar with this pattern of thought. You need to learn to let this go.

I feel so much pain but I’m probably just making it about myself. If I hurt those people and left them with permanent damage then I am a monster and I do not deserve to be here. I seriously wish I was better.

Some people will try guilt tripping you just becuase they think they can, I think it's power thing. Maybe they are pretty #######5 people themselves and this is one of those they can use to morally grand stand and make themselves feel better for their own crap. And as it's about sex etc you are put on the most fragile of egg shells and they know it.

I just feel like I don’t deserve to be here over this and my mind keeps going back to it. Am I some sick pedo? And I a groomer? I feel like I don’t even deserve to live another second of peace. I deserve to die.

No, you're not; and no, you don't.

Snaga wrote:No, you're not; and no, you don't.

I feel like I must be. I feel like some awful terrible person.

Most decent people do, at times. I'd be more concerned, if someone never felt like a terrible person.