What is remorse?

It's a funny thing remorse (I don't mean funny haha) because I don't know if I actually feel remorseful for things or if I just feel sorry for myself.

I'm in big trouble at work at the moment and I've had my meeting with the boss and I've had a letter inviting me to a disciplinary and I've said all the right things out loud to management but inside I'm not really sorry for what I did I'm just sorry I got caught.

I mean I'm sorry that what I did has ended up in the national tabloid and I'm sorry to bring the company's name into disrepute but I also know that what I've done has been done 100s of times before and no ones even batted an eyelid because its never reached the newspapers.

I don't know if I'm supposed to feel remorse or not actually.

What is remorse?

remorse

a strong sense of guilt and regret for a past action.

guilt

a self-conscious emotion
characterized by a painful appraisal of having done (or thought) something that is wrong and often by a readiness to take action designed to undo or mitigate this wrong. It is distinct from shame, in which there is the additional strong fear of one’s deeds being publicly exposed to judgment or ridicule.

regret

an emotional response to remembrance of a past state, condition, or experience that one wishes had been different.

American Psychiatric Association Dictionary
https://dictionary.apa.org

Yeah I've got a bit of regret about it and I know that I'll try not to do it again.

Thank you Datura.

Happily.

In evolutionary theory, emotions are considered motivators for actions

I believe normative people experience things like remorse, regret, guilt, etc as a motivator not to repeat the action (that caused the feelings) again.

I'm uncertain how important the actual experience of the emotion is if one can self-motivate themselves towards the same action that the emotion was supposed to accomplish.

Not only that, but some people become overwhelmed by things like remorse, regret, guilt, shame, etc - which leaves them frozen and not acting - or not dealing with/getting help for the action they don't want to repeat - or repeating it by means of escape.

Also, from the perspective of evolutionary theory, emotions don't stem from altruism or inherent human "goodness," they're for survival.

For example, by feeling remorse, the individual would be motivated to act in a way that would prevent them from getting cast out of their 'tribe' because without their 'tribe,' they'd have absolutely no safety, no food, no one to cooperate and procreate with, no shelter ... their death and the death of their genes would be inevitable.

Yes. I feel motivated to not do what I did again. I'm thinking of ways to avoid such a situation.

At the moment the only think I can think of is to hand the responsibility to someone else and then it's not me with the final say on things.

It's a ######6 stupid job anyway.

I'm not sure how serious this is or how much you need this job, but if it is important, I hope there's some type of legal aid or any type of work relations advisory that can clarify your rights and guide you.

You've used waiting for your "disciplinary" meeting to be proactive.

You've self-reflected for days and reflected upon what happened and how you feel about it.

You're concern is less about yourself and more about the regret of bringing the "company's name into disrepute."

You've been brainstorming on ways to make things right

In your desire to protect and prioritize the company, you're willing to pocket your pride, and "hand the responsibility to someone else and then it's not me with the final say on things" (add decrease of pay if applicable and whatever other consequences you will have as a result of your caring intentions to safeguard your company).

You plan to continue to reflect upon your decisions, are taking "...." following actions and are wondering if you missed anything, such as what reparative measures you can further take.

If you have your company's mission statement and values, weave it in as well.

Vote Manners for 2020

It is pretty serious. The other person involved got fired immediately and the company we work in conjunction with have asked for me to be removed but the owner of our company has said no to that so I do feel like they've got my back in that way.

I work in sales so it all has to be done legally and $#%^ and we went against regulations and it ended up in a national tabloid. It's a pretty big deal.

I know that I did wrong but this kind of thing has happened so many times and nothing has ever come of it before. Basically no one gives a $#%^ until the $#%^ hits the fan.

I'm OK really. I feel better than I did yesterday.

I find it hard to feel bad because I know that if this didn't happen then no one would even give a $#%^ that this kind of thing is going on. But I can't bring that up in my meeting because that would mean that I'm not sorry.

I've never had an issue with saying sorry. It's just a word to me.