Need help I feel horrible.

Yeah I don’t think so either. I remember being a good kid... would I have gone to jail? What would of happened to me... is it something I actually deserve to let go?

You NEED to let it go....

guilty1989 wrote:That must be the OCD.

It is. People with OCD will experience horrific false or theoretical memories as well.

Does the therapist know you have OCD?
- It may help to be working on this as well as the remorse because OCD takes more than outsiders reassurance.

Instead of self-persecution and being suicidal, could you do something indirectly for restitution?
Donating money or items to a related cause, volunteering somewhere etc?

Have you ever been sexually abused?

Memories are very repressed but it just eats at me all the time. Everyone says it’s not my fault and I was just a child but I keep having thoughts that I’m an abuser or this bad person who would do that. I try let the thoughts be and try tell myself you deserve to move passed this but then I’m like do I deserve it? I just torture myself daily.

guilty1989 wrote:Memories are very repressed but it just eats at me all the time. Everyone says it’s not my fault and I was just a child but I keep having thoughts that I’m an abuser or this bad person who would do that. I try let the thoughts be and try tell myself you deserve to move passed this but then I’m like do I deserve it? I just torture myself daily.

Yeah.
Do you get support for OCD?
Reassurance seeking can make this stuff worse.