feel ashamed because of my sexual past

hi,
i was a sex addict n i feel so ashamed. i've had random hook ups. could've been beaten up a few times. i feel ashamed now thinking of those acts. feel unworthy. there was childhood sexual experimentation with my cousin. he was older n the active partner. i think that messed up n i was always sexually aroused.

now i feel remorse for my actions. just feel unworthy of happiness. like even if i want to be happy, i feel unworthy of joy. like i dont deserve happiness.

Personally I think you are liked and much responded to hear for good reason as you have a decent head on your shoulders and seem like a self-reflective person who has learned from their past

the shame is immense. i dont know whom to confess to. in real life i'm scared of telling people of it, fearing they'll judge me because there's gay word in it. i feel ashamed at making pass at straight guy n pressing my palm to his crotch. he yelled at me n threatened to beat the $#%^ out of me.

it was wrong of me. i should've waited for some signal from him before progressing. i feel irresponsible. n i fear that what if i had gone more ahead n he had thrashed me in front of everyone. i've heard such stories of people being beaten up cause they made gay pass at straight men.

i feel ashamed of myself. n feel unworthy of happiness. like stained. or some dirty criminal.