So lost

So I have no memory of sexual abuse. I do however have triggers. Like today on facebook I saw this weird practices in foreign countries link. I opened it because I was curious and this African child who could have been no more than 11 was holding this reusable pad and it made me feel all weird inside. I remember my mother telling me and my sister about good touch bad touch and I felt weird inside. Also stories of sexual abuse trigger me but are very interesting to me exspecially father daughter incest. I have some odd behaviors and thoughts but no idea where they come from. I really would like to believe I was abused because it would explain alot. I also think knowing I was abused wouldnt free me from guilt though because not all people are like me that were abused. Im lost.

I think you are overthinking the situation Try not to get lost in reading these things online if you can as it's not helping

It's just that I want to know why I am the way I am so bad.