Stalked my ex, I truly hate myself

I dated a girl for about 4 months, I loved her, she was my first girlfriend and obviously my first breakup.

We broke up because she wanted to focus on her life, she was behind in college, her dad was very sick, She had 2 jobs. She had a lot on her plate and realized that being in a relationship was not a good move for her. Totally understandable.

Well, I did something that i cannot being to explain in words for how much i regret it, and how much i hate myself for it.

I saw her driving down the street in the town I live in, and i decided to follow her to see what she was up to. I legitimately ######6 followed her car in mine for about 10 minutes and then left. And she caught me. She texted me calling me out on it, i denied it like the stupid kid i am. There isnt much else to this, other than I also have driven by her house a couple times aswell. But man I just hate myself for doing that. I'm a ######6 stalker. A S.T.A.L.K.E.R. I hate being labled as that. I hate what i did, and I feel so much guilt, and mostly, dissapointment in myself. I haven't done anything like that since. Sometimes, if I'm driving in the town and I pass by her work, Ill just glance and see if her car is there. But the difference for that is that i'm not going out of my way to see if she's there. I just do it when im on my way to my work or going to a friends house.

How do I forgive myself what i've done? She no longer wants anything to do with me. She blocked me on everything (understandable) and i hate that my name in her mind is tarnished, its in the shitter. I've never felt so much remorse in my life. I've never felt true regret like this. I just want her out of my mind now, I no longer want to think about her, or that night. But its like its ingrained in my brain.

Okay, so you might have freaked her out a bit, but seriously, if that's the most you do, I don't call that stalking. I've never followed, but my first love I had a habit of driving past her place late at night, playing sad songs and crying, so.. yeah. You just got it bad for her and it'll take time to get over. Don't follow her no more, try not to drive past her place, but also please be easy on yourself you're not a stalker in my book, not a serious one.

Snaga wrote:Okay, so you might have freaked her out a bit, but seriously, if that's the most you do, I don't call that stalking. I've never followed, but my first love I had a habit of driving past her place late at night, playing sad songs and crying, so.. yeah. You just got it bad for her and it'll take time to get over. Don't follow her no more, try not to drive past her place, but also please be easy on yourself you're not a stalker in my book, not a serious one.

Oh believe me, I will never, ever, follow her, or anyone for that matter, ever again.... I haven't driven past her house since that night, and I never will. I don't even get the urge to. It's just gone. Its just shame now. But thank you for your reply. It's nice knowing that someone has read this and doesnt think it's as bad of an offense as i do.

i just have to marvel at how so much of our language is dedicated to degrading us. as a species, we sure have it in for ourselves.

so, you were a bit obsessed. that's love.

Yeah, I agree with Snaga on this. You did something dumb but I highly doubt she'll be scarred for life from it. First loves are hard. The attraction is strong and you think they are irreplaceable. To save myself some embarrassment I won't post what I did when my first boyfriend broke up with me but lets just say it was worse than what you did.

Oh and she did you a favor by deleting you from social media. The less connections you have to your ex the easier it is to get over them, move on, and find someone better.

Take care,
-S

i must admit, from what you've written, i don't think she was that into you.

Shattered Mind wrote:Yeah, I agree with Snaga on this. You did something dumb but I highly doubt she'll be scarred for life from it. First loves are hard. The attraction is strong and you think they are irreplaceable. To save myself some embarrassment I won't post what I did when my first boyfriend broke up with me but lets just say it was worse than what you did.

Oh and she did you a favor by deleting you from social media. The less connections you have to your ex the easier it is to get over them, move on, and find someone better.

Take care,
-S

Yeah i can agree on the social media part forsure haha. And yeah, i think the hardest part about moving on is worrying if I can find someone better than them. Its rough

-- Mon Apr 30, 2018 12:35 pm --

shock_the_monkey wrote:i must admit, from what you've written, i don't think she was that into you.

Maybe, But I think she was, there's more to it than what i said as to why we broke up, she didnt take it easy at first either, even tho she's the one that broke up with me. Who knows. It was a hell of a 4 months tho. damn.

TrulyAshamed wrote:She no longer wants anything to do with me. She blocked me on everything [...].

... these aren't the actions of someone who had your best interests at heart.