Guilt , false memories and OCD are killing me , HELP!!!!

shock_the_monkey wrote:it seems to me that you're using this whole scenario as a stick to beat yourself with. you haven't hurt anyone. the only person that you're hurting is yourself. now, this may sound trite, however, forgive yourself. there are certain things in life that truly are unforgivable, at least to us mere mortals, however this certainly isn't one of them.

at some point we all need to draw a line under the past and move on. and, as difficult as that might sound, that's what you need to do here. it takes courage and determination to make a new life for yourself. but every day is a new beginning ... if we want it to be. and, if you really try to be the best person that you can be, every day will bring you closer to that aim.

i do happen to know a little of the esoteric arts: image/ordain/manifest. that is: hold an image of what you want your life to be in your mind, ordain that image by saying words that describe it, and by the power of your thoughts and words that image that you ordained will become manifest in your life.

the bottom line here is to have a purpose in life and to pursue that purpose with an unwavering single-mindedness. anyone can do this. the trick is to be able to see where you want to get to without overlooking the steps that will get you there.

another little technique which, again, anyone can do is to keep a diary of the daily events in their life and use it to reflect on them and what they want to achieve and how they intend to achieve it.

in other words, you can re-build your trust in yourself but it will take time and effort. however, if you're willing to put in that time and effort, one day you'll be able to look back on the life that you had as a distant memory.

shock_the_monkey wrote:

Dnester wrote:You are going to have to accept the fact you didnt do it or you will go crazy over it.

... people have to live with far worse things than this. my mother's GP accidentally ran over his daughter and killed her. can you imagine trying to live with that.

Dnester wrote:

shock_the_monkey wrote:

Dnester wrote:You are going to have to accept the fact you didnt do it or you will go crazy over it.

... people have to live with far worse things than this. my mother's GP accidentally ran over his daughter and killed her. can you imagine trying to live with that.

I know. I was just saying he cant let it eat at him or he wont have a happy life.

MrDamaged wrote:I guess I just must move along and don't think about this false memories .

shock_the_monkey wrote:

MrDamaged wrote:I guess I just must move along and don't think about this false memories .

... even if you did, which you didn't, it wouldn't have been unforgivable. so, either way, you can just let it go now.

MrDamaged wrote:

shock_the_monkey wrote:

MrDamaged wrote:I guess I just must move along and don't think about this false memories .

... even if you did, which you didn't, it wouldn't have been unforgivable. so, either way, you can just let it go now.

But is not that some kind of a child abuse or it is not ? You know I started to remember that there was no such thing , but that OCD is killing me

shock_the_monkey wrote:

MrDamaged wrote:I guess I just must move along and don't think about this false memories .

... even if you did, which you didn't, it wouldn't have been unforgivable. so, either way, you can just let it go now.

MrDamaged wrote:There is something else that bothers me . Today I had a very strong desire to do the thing that I did not do for a long time , download CP , and I almost did it , fortunateley I did not do that , but I am scared right now , I understood , that my unhealthy desires did not disappear , that I will bear this cross to the end of my life . I am so afraid , it was like a drug withdrawal , I feel myself like a junkie , who is wants to inject himself with another dose of heroin but resist , this is driving me mad , what should I do ? I can't even go to a therapist because in the s***hole I live is no any good therapist . I am afraid that one day I will not be able to stop myself and will return to my CP addiction . I won't do that !

shock_the_monkey wrote:

MrDamaged wrote:There is something else that bothers me . Today I had a very strong desire to do the thing that I did not do for a long time , download CP , and I almost did it , fortunateley I did not do that , but I am scared right now , I understood , that my unhealthy desires did not disappear , that I will bear this cross to the end of my life . I am so afraid , it was like a drug withdrawal , I feel myself like a junkie , who is wants to inject himself with another dose of heroin but resist , this is driving me mad , what should I do ? I can't even go to a therapist because in the s***hole I live is no any good therapist . I am afraid that one day I will not be able to stop myself and will return to my CP addiction . I won't do that !

... take one day at a time. find things to fill your life with that will serve to distract you from the things you don't want to do. be strong.

i suffer from severe depression. over the past year and a half i've had to care for both my parents. my mother is now dead, however, i've still got my father to care for. i just don't have time to be severely depressed anymore, though i've no doubt i would be if i did.

so, decide what you want to do with your life and put all your energy into that. nothing is easy in life. we only get out what we put in. just have faith in yourself to make the best of your life that you can and not make the same mistakes that you did previously again.

MrDamaged wrote:

shock_the_monkey wrote:

MrDamaged wrote:There is something else that bothers me . Today I had a very strong desire to do the thing that I did not do for a long time , download CP , and I almost did it , fortunateley I did not do that , but I am scared right now , I understood , that my unhealthy desires did not disappear , that I will bear this cross to the end of my life . I am so afraid , it was like a drug withdrawal , I feel myself like a junkie , who is wants to inject himself with another dose of heroin but resist , this is driving me mad , what should I do ? I can't even go to a therapist because in the s***hole I live is no any good therapist . I am afraid that one day I will not be able to stop myself and will return to my CP addiction . I won't do that !

... take one day at a time. find things to fill your life with that will serve to distract you from the things you don't want to do. be strong.

i suffer from severe depression. over the past year and a half i've had to care for both my parents. my mother is now dead, however, i've still got my father to care for. i just don't have time to be severely depressed anymore, though i've no doubt i would be if i did.

so, decide what you want to do with your life and put all your energy into that. nothing is easy in life. we only get out what we put in. just have faith in yourself to make the best of your life that you can and not make the same mistakes that you did previously again.

Ok , I'll try , but the problem is that I don't know how to distract myself , I even have no any friends or girlfriend P.S. I am very sorry for your mother , I sympathize you , it is very hard to lost someone whom you love .