I just want to start my post over from scratch..

So it all started when i was 11 at age 11 i was a normal happy kid, i had just started wondering about girls all the time before that i was a "Pillow Humper" So theres 3 events and 1 or 2 things i want to talk about badly, I feel dumbfounded and stupid and remorsefull and guilty and shamefull, So is what happened was when i was 11 i touched my sisters butt while she was asleep for a good 1:30 seconds
then i stopped, second event was when i was in 5th grade im in high school area now, So this is what messes with me the most because i feel like i raped him he was 3 so he couldnt consent to it, he doesnt remember but well get to that later, so is what i did was rub my penis on his butt/buttcheeck/Crack area for around 35 seconds he told me to stop and i said "Please bubby" he said ok in a daunting manner, I feel so bad i just wanted to know what it would feel like and i was a little horny it was a kind of new feeling, third event was when i touched my tip of my penis to my sister while she was asleep this was when i was in 6th during summer, I dont like it when people reply based on age, because mainly i new better to do it i just did it, i feel like a monster who should die and who should go to jail, Can i go to jail?. Am i a monster? Should i die? Ok now the thing that made me repost was today i asked my little brother about if i had ever done anything weird to him he said "You touch my dird" i said when he said "In the shower" i said how did i touch it he said "you go like this, Then he hit his penis showing me what i did" i partly remember this is all i did was hit him in the balls gently to play with him in a joking way, he thinks this is bad. He always had an obsessive thing over his body and being naked, So natturally when i get in the shower with him because he was 3, He wants to touch my penis, Because he is curious about it and he says its bigger than his and he says "me touch it" I always say no then he just crys and i say yeah, I dont like it when he does it, The thing with me is im just waiting for the day he goes to school and tells his teacher and i get put in jail. I am diagnosed with OCD DEPRESSION ADHD And Im on a home hospital thing for suicide watch, Please help me with my main concerns and i really dont like it if you reply based on age because i want to know the problem for what it is not what age it happened because i feel like i new better but at the time i just wasnt thinking.

Your behaviours were obviously wrong/inappropriate, but you shouldn't be (or feel) defined forever for what you did as a young kid imho, but you have said not to reply with regards to age... So, if an adult person did those things then, yes, I would want them to serve time in jail.

I am a little confused whether your behaviour with your young cousin is on-going/ current or happened in the past?

it happened in the past and its not my cousing its my brother..

-- Fri Mar 16, 2018 9:12 am --

Reply based on my age then i see you point

-- Fri Mar 16, 2018 9:30 am --

Do I really deserve jail? I'm a young teen..

Then no, I do not believe you do But your age absolutely factors into it! If a 20-year-old man did what you did to a 3-year-old then I absolutely would believe that he should be jailed or, at least, kept apart from children. So, your age is important.

yeah

-- Sat Mar 17, 2018 7:08 am --

Ok so in my post I told about hitting my brothers balls in the shower as a joke I didn't do It hard but he remembers it as "I touched his peepee". I told him I just hit it and he believes me he is easy to convince since he is so little but he still remembers and when I ask him if ive ever done anything weird to him hell either say yeah or no if he says yeah he says u touched my peepee in the shower wich he calls a "Dird" and I'm like how did I touch it and hell say you hit it, or he'll take his hand and poke it and say I did that, but the problem is is I'm scared this is going to be traumatizing for him, and someday he will say I touched him in the shower when in reality I didn't I just "Balltapped" him that's the only term I knew for it, Ok so I'm just paranoid hes gonna be traumatized and like tell his teacher I touched him I cant say sorry it wont do no good as he is 4. He says its a "bad deal" when I ask him I said whats a bad deal he said its thumbs up for good deal and thumbs down for a bad deal, that's all I usually get for him he doesn't like it when I ask, if ive done anything weird please help me on those 2 problems, 1: I'm worried he may be traumatized because in his head I touched him 2: I'm worried he may go to school and tell his teacher. As a result. He doesn't seem like he cares at all. but he does get aggravated when I talk about it because I have to repeadetly ask him now there was one time when I did touch his penis in the shower but it was innocent, So we were in the shower and he had just learned about his privates so he was fascinated so he tried to touch mine I said no, then he said you touch my peepee I said no but he wouldn't shut up about it after a good 10 mins of him aggravating me I gave in and just poked it really fast, so that may be what hes talking about idk he has 2 different versions 1 is I poked it 1 is I hit it 1 is its a bad deal and 1 is it was a joke its funny. That's everything he says he doesn't like me to ask him please help if I can get over this little question ill be good to go!

-- Sun Mar 18, 2018 3:21 am --

please respond..

All I can say is you'll have to learn to live with that uncertainty. It's hard, but you can do it! At the moment it seems like what your little brother wants is for you to stop going on at him about it so you need to respect that!