I need to know for i am really sorry

I am close to 30 now, when i was 12 or 13 i started having strong sexual impulses, my sister is a year and a half my junior, then, at that age, and i must admit that i don't remember what triggered the first encounter, we started touching each other. I discovered i liked it and tried to have more interaction. First time we ended up naked she was on top of me, and i ejaculated. I remember to like the sensation, and then convinced her to try sex another day. That was the second encounter. I tried, but she was in pain and i left. Asked her for a third occasion, and said no. Never bothered her again. I know now i was wrong then and while i knew it wasn't exactly right, i never thought of being particularly wrong, just experimenting. On later years i realised how wrong i was, i knew i wanted sex, at least from the second time onforward and i had consumed porn from an early age. I asked her not to tell our mother, but apart from that, never forced to do anything, though i tried to convince her and it only lasted 2 times. For years i carried the guilt for taking advantage of her, in spite of considering harmless and child's play. I think i am worthless and unworthy of any recognition. Now i am on therapy working on these issues and i apologized to her. She said she remembers it and that i lost her trust as a brother, as she sees me now as another man, who looked at her as a woman, a piece of meat was her description. I need to know what happened, and if there is a future for both my sister and i

I think if there was no coercion that, though you were the older sibling, you might one day heal the relationship between you. I am sure therapy will help with that. However, you must not rush or push it - that wouldn't help anyway. Hope for it as an eventual outcome to slowly work towards, but simultaneously try to accept the possibility that your sister may never forgive you and that is her right. Hope for it, but don't make it a need.

Thanks for the reply, I read a lot of stories from here, and i still trying to understand what happened. I think that with knowledge and acceptance i might eventually move forward, to eventually trust myself again and have a fulfilling life. I am still thinking on telling my parents, because i know she has to work this. But i am scared of their reaction, and the worst thing is, my sister and I live together in the same apartment, thanks to our parents, and i read here that if separated she might deal better with this. If I say anything it might destroy all of us, If i don't say anything, and try to move, without any special motivation, it might lead to complicated questions. I know that she might never forgive me, nor i am expecting her to, just for her to seek help. If anything, my greatest hope is for both of us to move forward, have beautiful families, if desired, have fulfilling lives and eventually, both our children play together

Hi,

I just saw your post and had to respond to you as I have had pretty much the exact same thing happening just with my brother. I don't really have a lot fo advice to offer as I am still struggling with this myself but I would just like to let you know that you are not alone in this. I felt unworthy as well but I am telling you as someone that is in pretty much the same position that I understand how you feel and that you are not a bad person, if you would be then you wouldn't feel bad.

Thanks to you all. One day, when guilt was in a higher point, i told my parents about it. They say it is child experimentation, so does my psychologist says. I am now on the mending of our relationship. I hope it heals.