I can't stop thinking about this 17 year old girl

I'm getting no support what so ever. Only attitude. People hate me. I hate myself.

She was a coworker. She worked here for like 5 months. Now I'm isolated and completely by myself. I removed her from Snapchat. I removed everyone. Then made a new snapchat and removed her from there. Now what the ###$ am I doing. I'm becoming a stalker. I'm being a stalker. I don't want to associate with her anymore, but she helped me. She protected me. I loved her. I knew falling in love with her was a bad idea. I want to add her back to snapchat. But im afraid to. Everyone is telling me go stop. Well I can't. I'm going to add her back nothing is stopp8ng me. Just like another dose of heroin.

I was promiscuous. It's been 2 months since. I hate myself. I'm freaking out. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid to see a counselor. I dropped out of 2 classes because of this. She has a boyfriend. I'm working a #######5 isolated job. I'm afraid they think I'm dangerous. I'm not dangerous. Maybe I am. I laughed in the face of a customer last night and I don't know why. I've been on adderall. I've been off adderall for the last 2 days. I'm psychotic. Everyone is out having fun I'm just ######6 isolated. I'm going to be a pedophile rapist. Self fulfilling prophecy. ######6 hell. I'm going to jail. My brother ######6 hates me. I want to shape up. I cant.

Sounds intense. Probably best to get back on your meds. Even if it's for selfish reasons, focus on how ######6 bad you'd feel for the rest of your life for doing something with a 17-year-old kid. Trust me, I was with a 17-year-old when I was 21 and a decade later I think every day about how disgusting and pedophilic it was to be sexual with a child of that age. As I get older it just feels worse and worse. So, however much you're hung up on her now, it's not worth it. When you're young it's hard not to live in the present, but think about what you'll have to live with for the rest of your life.

sprock wrote:Sounds intense. Probably best to get back on your meds. Even if it's for selfish reasons, focus on how ######6 bad you'd feel for the rest of your life for doing something with a 17-year-old kid. Trust me, I was with a 17-year-old when I was 21 and a decade later I think every day about how disgusting and pedophilic it was to be sexual with a child of that age. As I get older it just feels worse and worse. So, however much you're hung up on her now, it's not worth it. When you're young it's hard not to live in the present, but think about what you'll have to live with for the rest of your life.

I'm 19, so it's not as bad. The best thing I can do for myself though is just stop feeling bad about it and implement it into who I am. Feeling bad about this will only make me feel bad. Nothing I can do will change it, so I did nothing wrong. It was wrong. Yes, it was wrong. Why fight the wrong. It's like fighting a brick wall. You won't win. It's who you are.

I told her I was in special education. I messaged her in the middle of the night, woke her up a few times. Made fun of her boyfriend in front of her. Stalked and made her feel uncomfortable at work. She had problems with her father. I asked her out 4 times

Yeh~ definitely not as pedophilic, but obvs bad that you made her feel uncomfortable.

I kind of get what you mean - you can't change the past so your actions always remain what you are and a part of you. All you can do is not repeat the behaviour and let her be.

my professional advice if you are 19 is just to get a grip. Depending on your state/nation, there is generally a statutory grey-area for relations up to the age of 21. It's fairly common to have a 16/21 consent bridge, but again, since it is a STATUTORY charge, thus differing state-to-state (and really, police department to police department), you'd have to do your own due diligence.

Futhermore non-legal advice, you seem to be suffering from an internalized moral regret and struggle, likely due to a cognitive dissonance between the person you think you are, and the reality of you having thoughts that you view as distressing and not properly reflecting your character. That or you're playing the regret card to win sympathy. Either way, there isn't much here to regret besides how much you're idealizing a woman, who by your own admission is already taken. Chill out, she's disposable just like all women are. Get on your meds, maybe go to a doctor during refills and ask for something to cool your jets, research bipolar disorder and parrot symptoms in order to get some Seroquel which tends to dampen mood, and in conjunction with Adderall tends to induce a pleasant empty-robotic feeling.

TL;DR, get a grip.

sprock wrote:Yeh~ definitely not as pedophilic.

Using Pedophilia in this sense is just incorrect anyway. I get what you're aiming at but it adds stigma to it that shouldn't be there. She isn't a prepubescent girl. In the UK and many other places she is even of legal age of consent.

Being attracted to someone of a different life stage to you can be an issue but it doesn't have to be. a 17 and 19 year old seems like a fairly reasonable age gap to me.

solemnlysworn wrote:

sprock wrote:Yeh~ definitely not as pedophilic.

Using Pedophilia in this sense is just incorrect anyway. I get what you're aiming at but it adds stigma to it that shouldn't be there. She isn't a prepubescent girl. In the UK and many other places she is even of legal age of consent.

Being attracted to someone of a different life stage to you can be an issue but it doesn't have to be. a 17 and 19 year old seems like a fairly reasonable age gap to me.

Would adding everyone back to my old snapchat be okay, then? I think we had a thing and she liked me for a little bit but I've distanced myself and things got quiet. But she is as neurotic as I am. I removed her from Snapchat because everyone told me to stop and cut contact.

Btw, I made a new snapchat because people told me to cut contact. I did that and regretted it so I made a new one. I just want to go back to the old one haha. I miss my score and my main excuse was that I got a new phone and so new phone > new me. Only she added me but she has like tons of friends and $#%^ so maybe I'm just a number idk.

-- Sat Nov 11, 2017 4:35 pm --

solemnlysworn wrote:

sprock wrote:Yeh~ definitely not as pedophilic.

Using Pedophilia in this sense is just incorrect anyway. I get what you're aiming at but it adds stigma to it that shouldn't be there. She isn't a prepubescent girl. In the UK and many other places she is even of legal age of consent.

Being attracted to someone of a different life stage to you can be an issue but it doesn't have to be. a 17 and 19 year old seems like a fairly reasonable age gap to me.

Also, I live in Washington where the she of consent is 16

TheAdversary wrote:my professional advice if you are 19 is just to get a grip. Depending on your state/nation, there is generally a statutory grey-area for relations up to the age of 21. It's fairly common to have a 16/21 consent bridge, but again, since it is a STATUTORY charge, thus differing state-to-state (and really, police department to police department), you'd have to do your own due diligence.

Futhermore non-legal advice, you seem to be suffering from an internalized moral regret and struggle, likely due to a cognitive dissonance between the person you think you are, and the reality of you having thoughts that you view as distressing and not properly reflecting your character. That or you're playing the regret card to win sympathy. Either way, there isn't much here to regret besides how much you're idealizing a woman, who by your own admission is already taken. Chill out, she's disposable just like all women are. Get on your meds, maybe go to a doctor during refills and ask for something to cool your jets, research bipolar disorder and parrot symptoms in order to get some Seroquel which tends to dampen mood, and in conjunction with Adderall tends to induce a pleasant empty-robotic feeling.

TL;DR, get a grip.

Idk.. the last time we texted each other it was all fun and games. Like I was send8ng her emojis and she was laughing and $#%^, then I asked her out again and her dad took her phone away (I guess I thought at the time she was lying to make me stop texting her cus I'm a creep) but then she came back online like a month later and her dad actually DID take her phone away I've come to realize.. now it's November and the last time we've spoke was like 15 days ago. And it was just a hi

I'm really depressed. I just want everyone back on my old account, no questions asked.

-- Sat Nov 11, 2017 4:50 pm --

Ted242 wrote:

solemnlysworn wrote:

sprock wrote:Yeh~ definitely not as pedophilic.

Using Pedophilia in this sense is just incorrect anyway. I get what you're aiming at but it adds stigma to it that shouldn't be there. She isn't a prepubescent girl. In the UK and many other places she is even of legal age of consent.

Being attracted to someone of a different life stage to you can be an issue but it doesn't have to be. a 17 and 19 year old seems like a fairly reasonable age gap to me.

Would adding everyone back to my old snapchat be okay, then? I think we had a thing and she liked me for a little bit but I've distanced myself and things got quiet. But she is as neurotic as I am. I removed her from Snapchat because everyone told me to stop and cut contact.

Btw, I made a new snapchat because people told me to cut contact. I did that and regretted it so I made a new one. I just want to go back to the old one haha. I miss my score and my main excuse was that I got a new phone and so new phone > new me. Only she added me but she has like tons of friends and $#%^ so maybe I'm just a number idk.

-- Sat Nov 11, 2017 4:35 pm --

solemnlysworn wrote:

sprock wrote:Yeh~ definitely not as pedophilic.

Using Pedophilia in this sense is just incorrect anyway. I get what you're aiming at but it adds stigma to it that shouldn't be there. She isn't a prepubescent girl. In the UK and many other places she is even of legal age of consent.

Being attracted to someone of a different life stage to you can be an issue but it doesn't have to be. a 17 and 19 year old seems like a fairly reasonable age gap to me.

Also, I live in Washington where the she of consent is 16

I've probably written like 30 threads and everyone is saying I creep her out.. Idk maybe I am just looking for sympathy. I'm a stalker by nature tho I guess

Ted242 wrote:I hate myself. I'm freaking out. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid to see a counselor. I dropped out of 2 classes because of this.

I'm afraid they think I'm dangerous.

I'm psychotic.

I'm going to be a pedophile rapist. Self fulfilling prophecy. ######6 hell. I'm going to jail.

My brother ######6 hates me.

All this because you're a 19 year old boy who is attracted to a 17 year old girl? Are you fuking kidding me.

This shlt's amusing.

Ted242 wrote:I've probably written like 30 threads and everyone is saying I creep her out.. Idk maybe I am just looking for sympathy. I'm a stalker by nature tho I guess

You're a boy who has a crush on a girl. I hardly think that makes you a stalker, lol, and it certainly doesn't make you a creep.

Stop worrying so much what other people think.

Reaper wrote:

Ted242 wrote:I hate myself. I'm freaking out. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid to see a counselor. I dropped out of 2 classes because of this.

I'm afraid they think I'm dangerous.

I'm psychotic.

I'm going to be a pedophile rapist. Self fulfilling prophecy. ######6 hell. I'm going to jail.

My brother ######6 hates me.

All this because you're a 19 year old boy who is attracted to a 17 year old girl? Are you fuking kidding me.

This shlt's amusing.

Ted242 wrote:I've probably written like 30 threads and everyone is saying I creep her out.. Idk maybe I am just looking for sympathy. I'm a stalker by nature tho I guess

You're a boy who has a crush on a girl. I hardly think that makes you a stalker, lol, and it certainly doesn't make you a creep.

Stop worrying so much what other people think.

Ok. Some guy from 4chan said I'd go to jail if I keep talking to her.