Cheating

There is a chat app, not a dating app, i sometimes use to have some shallow conversations when i m bored. i did so last night but now i m feeling guilty and think that i might have hurt my gf.

so i entered the app using a nickname like everyone and wrote to different ppl. One of them turned out to be an Indian girl who asked for a photo of me. The app allows sending snapshots so I sent one smiling. She then sent one in pijama that was nearly transparent. photos are only visible for three seconds so i thought i just overlooked it and she was in normal clothes so i asked for another. she sent me one where her breasts were nearly visible. then I said hmm more and sent another photo of my face. She asked for a photo of my d.ck. I said haha lol and did not send anything. I asked her whether she is there and what she is doind but she did not respond anymore. I uninstalled the app but feel now guilty. could anyone help me with the extreme guilt?

Hello sipasupa,

Is what you did a symptom of your current relationship? Boredom is perfectly normal, but channelling that specifically towards what you did suggests that you might not be happy in your relationship. I don't mean to offend you if this is not true - I'm just inviting you to look at the root of what caused you to do what you did.

If this is just a one off lapse then I would let it go, take steps to ensure it doesn't happen again and put it down to a moment of weakness. You uninstalled the app, so that's a good sign right there.

Look, you're only human. We all do things that we later wish we didn't. We are often not as in control of our actions as we like to think we are.

Guilt is supposed to be a corrective aid. I know it's hard, but be thankful you felt this guilt when you did. The guilt did its job. It worked!

If you love your girlfriend, from this day forward be the best boyfriend you can possibly be. I am a strong believer that remorse (the healthy expression of guilt) can be a catalyst for people to reach their fullest potential. You just have to use that remorse as a tool rather than an enemy.

> Is what you did a symptom of your current relationship? Boredom is perfectly normal, but channelling that specifically towards what you did suggests that you might not be happy in your relationship. I don't mean to offend you if this is not true - I'm just inviting you to look at the root of what caused you to do what you did.
I love her and am totally happy with her. I just want to be good to her. But I can't kill the part of myself that is able to find other women attractive, too. I mean, normally, when one walks on the streets, he notices attractive women. But that's the nature of men, that's how they work. But in this situation, I went too far.

Do you think this is cheating? I am saying to myself that I did not send any inappropriate photos of myself. And that I did not even say any "sexy words". And that I refused to send a photo of my ... And that I first did not ask, she just sent the photo. It is also true that I do not know who this girl was (yeah it could also be a male who was playing). IMO the only problematic thing I did was saying "hmm more", that was an invitation to send more half naked photos. What do you think?

Another aspect is that I will never ever meet this girl because this was a 10 minute chat and I only know she is from India and she does not know anything about me. She possibly had chat with dozens of other people and sent her photos to everywhere. I just feel guilty...

I wouldn't consider what you did cheating per se but it was something you knew would bother your partner, which it was reasonable to expect you not to do while in the relationship, and you did it. A bit shabby, regrettable at worst. So, in short, not something to beat yourself up terribly about. I'm generally in favour of openness in the spirit of accountability - but in this case (and others people weight in!) it might actually be more uncomfortable/ potentially hurtful to have you tell your girlfriend about this than the actual fact that you did it... since I think it will be hard to relate in a way that doesn't make it sound more dramatic/ significant than it was.