Did I ruin her life.

Hello i live now in europe and i am a 21 year old male with mental issues (autism/znizophrenia diagnosed months ago).


at 17 i seduced a older woman (she was from peru and working in my country for a year).

after a year she left the country and i followed her (we lived for 3 years together in peru).

after a year i start to feel uncomfortable about the age difference (she was 9 years older).

but for some reason i stalled the break up for 2 years. (she never knew there is a problem i told her everything was ok and we are going to marry ).

at 21 i returned to europe and i had no problems. 2 months later i realized that it is extremly hard to marry at 30 in peru. and that i wasted 2 years of her life.

the guilt has been extreme i failed at commiting suicide and i life now for the last 3 months in a mental hopsital.

she was a really sweet/honest woman and i used her for years.

i don´t feel guilty about misleading her since i was young and suffering from undiagnosed autism/znizophrenia in a foreign country.

but the idea that i ruined her life and screwed her over is extremely mental torturing.

i never knew how important time was for older woman it was my first relationship and i grew up in total isolation i didn´t know it was wrong or the consequences.

I think you're being too hard on yourself. Just because you felt uncomfortable about the relationship doesn't mean you didn't still want to be in it, right? Are you so sure that you used her for two years, didn't you still want to be in a relationship with her, on some level?

Snaga wrote:I think you're being too hard on yourself. Just because you felt uncomfortable about the relationship doesn't mean you didn't still want to be in it, right? Are you so sure that you used her for two years, didn't you still want to be in a relationship with her, on some level?

yeah i am sure i used her for 2 years (stayed for comfort).

i knew 2 years long that i was going to dump her but i kept procrastinating i was mentally ill so not thinking straight. she never knew i had doubts she tought we were going to marry and have children i left her out of the blue.

so not only did i lost many years due mentally illness (since my 17 i had no insight).

i too ruined some one´ś life.... if she was young like me it wouldn´t be a problem.

but she lost her late 20s to which are precious years for a woman in her country :/

no i am worried whole day about her future since i misled her 3 years long

if she was my age i wouldn´t care much

My personal feeling is that as a person in her late 20s she shouldn't have been doing anything with a 17-year-old kid tbh so you are not to blame for being immature or confused. She was an adult who made her choices and I sincerely doubt you ruined her life

sprock wrote:My personal feeling is that as a person in her late 20s she shouldn't have been doing anything with a 17-year-old kid tbh so you are not to blame for being immature or confused. She was an adult who made her choices and I sincerely doubt you ruined her life

yes you are right at the 17 year old part maybe she was the wrong one.

i met her at 17 in my country after a year of dating i went with her to her country (peru).

apparently i devlopped znizophrenia. i spend 3 years in that room without talking to anyone.

never went outside didn´t really do anything just sleeping and escaping in my fanatasy world.

3 years passed by like 1 month.


so when i turned 21 i realized this it is not right ( i readed it on internet) that i was stringing her along (delaying marriage and children) i broke it off and went back to europe.

and there i realized that i am really disturbed (i life now in the mental hospital).


when i was 17 i was good at maths i had some mental issues but not like this.

i have trouble talking i have many cognitive problems .

but the guilt is extreme the last 8 months (since i am back) it is eating me alive like 10 hours a day.

whole day i have the urge to pee and extreme stress and rumination .

so whole day i am thinking ¨because i used her for 2 years¨ she maybe don´t get married what if some one is unhappy their whole live because of me.

i don´t actually feel guilty about my actions and i don´t think i am a bad person i am just really worried about her future the whole day.

normally i never feel guilty i did some bad things in my childhood i did criminal things. and feel 0 guilt about these things.

thing is i didn´t even knew i was harming her i was a incredible selfish person. i entered the relationship when i was a disturbed teen and spend those 3 years only with her (i dont have friends or family). so i am still a disturbed teen but now only with a guilty conscience...

i have many issues in my life now (sereius cognitive problems, lost 5 years spending confused/sleeping in bed).

but the guilt is the worst thing ever sometimes i am afraid i can´t get rid of it i am even suicidical.


but thanks spock i need some people to talk sense to me since i don´t have friends or family i am alone in this mess.

Sprock has a point, for all you know, she was using you, as you were using her.

And what is 'using', anyway? People are together for all sorts of reasons. Would mutual companionship and comfort be defined as 'using'? It's the past, and the past is gone- you know you would not do that again, and you didn't physically harm or abuse her, try to let this go.

yes you guys are right and i know from the inside that i don´t need to feel this extreme guilt.

i actually have obbesive thinking about it since 8 months (since i realized it is harder to marry after 30).

i think since already 8 months passed and 10 hours a day thinking about it. it is something mental problem.


Rumination/obsessive thinking. i am in the mental hospital but they only care about mine znizophrenia and autism while i don´t give a $#%^ about that.

this Rumination/obsessive thinking is hell and making me disabled.

i am sorry for my bad english since it isn´t my first language and i have cognitive problems now.

but could you guys help with finding resources how to combat this mental disease(rummination).

i am littery planning my suicide but that would be a shame with my age.

It's pointless to ruminate about something you did in the past. You can't undo something. Whatever you may have done to her wasn't purposefully for sure. New people in your life shall be having good intentions and want to see you happy, not guilty. Don't waste your time on feeling guilty. If she feels anything she has to bring it up by herself. Don't fill in the gaps. You are feeling very responsible. After multiple years you may still love her and that's sweet of you. Have you ever heard from her after your break up? Is it possible to contact her? All those years you were together you were someone she wanted to stay so you increased her quality of life.