Do i deserve to move on from my past?

This fourm might disgust you in a way. I am remiscing about horrible mistakes i made in the past as a child/ young teen. I had a few incidents. When i was in first year of middle school i had harassed a friwnd by slapping her butt for a moment but instead she laughed and i think she smiled or was suprised. [Mod - edit at request] Then 2 months later i realized what i did was crinimal and i felt so guiltt i considered suicide so many times and drowned in guilt every day and almost every moment. I promised myself to never get in trouble like this again or sexual violence ever. Year later, one time i was 15 almost 16 tried coming closer to a girl to give me a hug and she tried to get away and then few seconds i stopped. One other time i saw her came up to her and put my arm around her i dont think she minded and a teacher saw me and said im harassing her. And one more situation which triggered suicidal ideation was one time 16 i saw my teacher in the office and her body, butt blocked the exit. I went through and squeezed my body on her as i was exiting through intentionaly. Now i feel like im a sexual predator and cant changed and i feel i broke my oath after a horrible incident as a mid teen. I have been traumatized before. Should i kill myself or drown in guilt. I rather die now than live a life which i feel its to late to reedem myself and i dont want to live as a bad guy i feel that is to late. Im sorry if you read this and see me as a monster.

As I said in your other tread, you're not a monster. I'm not saying that you shouldn't feel some regret. It's good that as you've grown older you've established a better sense of boundaries. But very rarely do kids get arrested for precisely the kind of behaviour you've listed. You definitely haven't traumatised anyone - it sounds like you were annoying at worst tbh. Maybe you could draw a line in the sand at 18 to separate your child self from your adult self?

Of course, everyone deserves to move on from their past. At the end of the day, if your mind made you chronicer from what happened then that is total different animal! Point blank period. If you don't keep yourself safe or somone makes it unsafe just make sure you do the inevitable. If you don't it will manifest in someone way. I think we got to be our own best crushers until we can't take it anymore. Then you gotta just be gentle do it in a way that best serves you!

Yes. I think it's forbidden to turn to self hatred for such small incidents. You were a teen, your brain wasn't regulating impulses very well.

Uo1490 wrote:Should i kill myself or drown in guilt. I rather die now than live a life which i feel its to late to reedem myself and i dont want to live as a bad guy i feel that is to late. Im sorry if you read this and see me as a monster.

So if redeeming yourself is a way out of the darkness and towards the light, what have you tried so far?

What would it take, in your eyes, to satisfactorily redeem yourself?

I think it just takes a bit of imagination.

If you don't want to live as a bad guy, do your best to be a good guy. Your past does not magically make positive actions in the present bad or any less valuable.

Let's say you helped five people in some way over the next couple of months. Is the value of that help any less because you did some crummy things when you were a kid?

Your mind is playing games.