Please note that the following story might be very disturbing . I want your honest opinion and suggestions how to move forward.
I (26/female )live in a very complicated family(seven kids), violence was mostly used to educate us. This should not be an excuse for my actions but just to give you some background of myself. I am grown up now and have forgiven everyone who was involved in my misery but I cannot forgive myself for what I did. I was thirteen and had a sister who was six years old. I used to sleep next to her. One night I kissed her on her mouth (imaging kissing actually someone else I had a crush on back in time). She did not react . I used to do this for few times. Once we did have a shower together , where I kissed her again and let her sit on my lap. The last time we ever slept next to each other , I took her hand and let her touch my breast. We never slept next to each other after this night, and I have never kissed her again. when I was around 17/18 I recalled my actions and was absolutely embarrassed , I wanted to make up for this so I started helping her in school ,buy her food , go out with her and so on. We started being actually best friends and she likes me the most in the family . Until now I always have her back and always try to help with any problem she has. But her problems getting bigger. She started to steal and buy stuff online she couldn't pay .. I found out she had an alcohol problem and tried to kill herself.
I don't know if her behavior is a result of my abusive actions or because she is the youngest in a family , who is absolutely damaged and violent. I would also add (not to my defense , because I am absolutely disgust by myself) that two other members (my brothers) of my family are also troublemakers.
I cannot talk with her about the past, because I know she will hate me and it would destroy the relationship we have now , but is there anything I can do , to help her and to make up for my sins?