I was extremely confused as a child and teen

I always had attachment issues when I was child my dad used to abuse my mum and hit me for minor things I did wrong when I was a toddler and child till around 6 then he left my mum became a Alchaholic afterwards I was extremely dependend on my mum at the time because I was afraid of everything at the time but she soon became a hazard to be around late at night I was always awake because I had trouble sleeping she would dig her nails into me and it was traumatic for me at the time and I became afraid of her when I got to 11 she got a boyfriend and argued with her every night her boyfriend would sometimes wake up with cuts around his arms and face I used to cry till 4am till they would stop me and my siblings lived in a very small cottage where me and my 2 brothers would share a bed more on that in a moment but soon I tried to sort things out my way and I used anger and try to scare my mum to make her stop it didn't work and it was wrong for me to do so I tried to join my dad in London to get away but my mum wouldn't allow it but then things got much worse I only had one friend I didn't get on with anyone in school and when I started to discover sexual feelings I thought wow I'm going to show my sister this and this is where things got bad for me I touched her one day and brother as well I thought it was an amazing new thing that I needed to show them I was extremely messed up my sister got social services and they asked me if I was confused which is what I was and I wanted to tear myself apart I still do my siblings hate me and I'm 17 now and I've apologised and I've been the best brother I could be for 2 years now I've become selfless out family is ok now but I think my youngest brother is in a dark place in his teens he used to a funny bubbly brother but now he's a slob and he struggles with sleep as I do and I feel responsible which I probably am I wanted to protect my siblings from my mum and it destroyed me and my relationship with my family and it pains me I've got my life back on track but the fact that my siblings look at me with disgust pains me and I was messed up but I didn't have a clue what I was doing I've told my mum everything and that I am or was messed up but she doesn't want me to get help or my siblings to get help which they might not actually need I might just be feeling it but I know I might have issues that will affect my mental health if anyone can help me that would be amazing despite what you may think of me

I think you've had a pretty terrible childhood and it left you scared and confused. I think you never acted with deliberate cruelty. I think you were a child (with a child's brain and understanding) and while you are still a child you are now on the cusp of adulthood.

So let yourself draw a line in the sand. You can't magic your relationship better with your brother and sister. All you can do is continue to be the best brother you can be. I believe they will slowly learn to trust you again.

At the end of the day, there is a good reason why internal law says it is absolutely wrong to imprison children forever or execute them. Children are still growing and maturing. You can leave this behind you. You just need to have faith in that and stay strong. I think the very fact that you have become a good, self-reflective person out of such bad circumstances says a lot about your character, honestly