I was abused as a child, and abuses my sister

I don't even know where to begin, but I'll start with my abuse.

My aunt was an adult in college and would always pick my brother and I up to go do
Fun activities - movies, fishing, etc. I remember certain instances where I would be at her apartment and she would undress in front of me, and tell me it was ok to touch her - she would take showers with me and touch me as well - this happened when I was around 5 so my memory is a little cloudy but I specifically remember certain things - this went on for about 2 years then she stopped, maybe because I was getting older? As I grew up, I learned to forget and move on never telling anyone anything - I wanted to avoid conflict and deal with it internally, and for the most part I have.

Now, when I was 12 for a period of a few months I touched my sister inappropriately and kissed her - pretty much for a lack of better terms molested her - after a few months I had the WTF moment and realized what I was doing and did was wrong, on so many levels. I stopped and life went on. My sister and I have talked about it, and I thought she was ok but I know she isn't, and neither am I - we are both adults now and both have good life's but this I know is affecting both of us - to
The point I took my roommates gun in college and tried to blow my head off because of the guilt I have felt and still feel to this day. I want to make things right with my sister, and be able to help her move on and grow - I could care less about me, I want to help her.

No one in my family knows about the abuse I suffered as a child - I am scared to tell them. Should
I tell them, should I tell my sister? I feel like a peodphile and a creep for something that happened almost two decades ago. I live with the guilt and shame ever single day and wish I could turn
Back the clock of time and change everything.

Looking for honest suggestions on what to do to rectify this situation....

Thanks!

First of all thank you for posting your story.

You are absolutely not a pedophile or a creep for things you did when you were a 12-year-old child. I mean, how can a child of that age be a pedophile? That is not to say what you did was okay, but we need to get it in context. You were an abused child acting out what had been done to you.

I'm glad you are able to talk about this with your sister. I take it she forgives/ loves you? I think you should trust her if she says she is 'okay' - are there any ways you could help her out in her life?