Did I sexually abuse someone? I feel awful for what I did.

When I was 12-13 years old, I had a friend who I got along with very well. He was about 3 years younger than me. I used to ask him to wrap his arms around my waist and pick me up, kinda like a hug. I admit I became aroused and had an erection when he would do this. I would even use candy as a way to get him to do it because I liked the feeling. Sometimes he would do it and other times he wouldn't. I would dare him to pick me up and tell him if he did, I would give him a piece of candy.

Thinking back to it, I feel really bad as I feel I may have molested him. In no way did I touch his genitals or ask him to touch mine. I just feel really guilty because I became stimulated by this experience and I feel like I used him to experience that feeling over and over again. Did I sexually abuse/molest him or am I overthinking it?

Thanks for reading and I am so sorry for what I did.

12-13? you were a kid, doing the weird crap kids do... you said yourself that's all that went on.

At that age, we are having strong urges and we're getting our adult hormone levels and got changes going on and stuff, but we're still working out what's appropriate, what's not, how to behave, etc etc etc. which translates into kids at that age do some freaky crap.

I really think that, given that you never forced your friend to do anything, forced yourself on him, etc., that this is a non-issue. I know in your mind, it looms enormous and seems like such a big deal, but looking at it from the outside, sweetie, it really isn't. Not to me it isn't, and if that's the strangest sexually-related thing you did as a kid, you are doing pretty good, you ask me.

Try and let it go, ease your mind and don't let this bring you down. I did lots more than that at that age, and I'm not losing sleep over it, because kids do sexual experimentation and strange things at that age, it's common, and it's not worth losing sleep over, neither me nor anyone else I happened to be with grew up particularly traumatised, and I doubt your friend spends sleepless nights fretting over you getting him to pick you up, if they even think of it, at all.

Hi Snaga,

Thank you for your response. You're a kind person. Thinking about it that way does make me feel a lot better.

I feel you are over-thinking it. There was no genital contact and he wouldn't have experienced it as sexually abusive. The age gap between you was not so very big. Kids are weird!