Profile Fakes, I deserve to die for what I did

First of all I would like to apologize for my English, it is not my native language. I do not know if this is the right place for this, but I need help urgently. My story is that I have always had depression since I was a child, I believe that having grown up without knowing my father helped. After entering university I was always very lonely, which ended up worsening the situation.

A few years ago I started making fake profiles of people on social dating networks, people known or not. I would do it and then go out after talking to people, but I always relapsed and did it again. The point is that I did not think I could harm people with it, it was just a way to escape reality ... I ended up definitely stopping after I met my girlfriend (I love her), but it seems that it ended up worsening the situation . After that I started to see laws and to be afraid of being criminally responsible, not to mention the guilt that I could have hurt people. I never took advantage of this situation, never asked for money ... at most the conversations had sexual connotations, I made profiles of man and woman fakes.

Since then I believe that I am a bad person and that I deserve nothing good in life. I feel I had multiple personalities problem, but everywhere I read I only see punishments and not treatments. I am afraid that they will find out, even for more than a year without doing it, I am afraid of losing a girlfriend, a job (and never again accepting me in one) and taking proceedings with justice, not to mention the disappointment of the family. I've never hurt anyone before, I thought I was a good person. Now I think only my death can pay for what I did, I do not deserve to be here. I feel pain everyday at 1 year, I do not think anyone deserves to live like this, yesterday I cried all day of regret for having destroyed my life. I did not want to die, not really. Many thanks to all who can read.

Hi Himura -

I have not read anything in your post that is very bad. Certainly not worth dying for as punishment. Half the internet isn't who they say they are and the other half just hasn't figured out how to do it.

You did nothing illegal, as you said and it doesn't seem like you scammed anyone.

What you do have (as you said) is depression. And that can cause all of these things, including feelings that you want to die. That is serious.

You have a girl that loves you. That is wonderful. Consider the life you could have with her. Get help. Ask for her support and you can do it together. That will make the journey easier.

You seem like a nice person. Nice people don't deserve to die.

good luck - Otter.

Everyone makes bad things in their life. Some worse than others, but I definitely don't feel like you're on the worse side. You feel bad for what you did - which means you have realized what you did was wrong, and that's a great step. There's no way you can go back and change the past, so the only thing you can do right now is to learn from your mistakes and make sure it doesn't happen again. I also think you need to find a way to forgive yourself. You deserving to die is completely out of the question. Get the help you need and things will eventually feel less heavy.

You sound very concerned about the consequences for YOU, as to your actions.

I think you would benefit by seeking medical attention--you mentioned depression and you sound anxious. These are treatable conditions.

Also, talk to a therapist about your issues--you certainly don't deserve to die for your actions. Perhaps your therapist can guide you as to issues of possible concern to live an authentic life.

I'm no professional, but I think empathy is an issue your T could explore with you, as well as supporting you while you recover from any depression and/anxiety. Take care.

Otter wrote:Hi Himura -

I have not read anything in your post that is very bad. Certainly not worth dying for as punishment. Half the internet isn't who they say they are and the other half just hasn't figured out how to do it.

You did nothing illegal, as you said and it doesn't seem like you scammed anyone.

What you do have (as you said) is depression. And that can cause all of these things, including feelings that you want to die. That is serious.

You have a girl that loves you. That is wonderful. Consider the life you could have with her. Get help. Ask for her support and you can do it together. That will make the journey easier.

You seem like a nice person. Nice people don't deserve to die.

good luck - Otter.

Tanzie wrote:Everyone makes bad things in their life. Some worse than others, but I definitely don't feel like you're on the worse side. You feel bad for what you did - which means you have realized what you did was wrong, and that's a great step. There's no way you can go back and change the past, so the only thing you can do right now is to learn from your mistakes and make sure it doesn't happen again. I also think you need to find a way to forgive yourself. You deserving to die is completely out of the question. Get the help you need and things will eventually feel less heavy.

eterea107 wrote:You sound very concerned about the consequences for YOU, as to your actions.

I think you would benefit by seeking medical attention--you mentioned depression and you sound anxious. These are treatable conditions.

Also, talk to a therapist about your issues--you certainly don't deserve to die for your actions. Perhaps your therapist can guide you as to issues of possible concern to live an authentic life.

I'm no professional, but I think empathy is an issue your T could explore with you, as well as supporting you while you recover from any depression and/anxiety. Take care.

I wanted to thank you very much for each and every one of your words, I can not thank you enough for all the strength you are giving me, and I do not even know if I am worthy. You helped ease my heart even though I knew what I did wrong. I'm going to try to get some kind of professional help, I really wanted to have a good life and not hurt anyone, it was everything I wanted in life.

Otter wrote:Hi Himura -

I have not read anything in your post that is very bad. Certainly not worth dying for as punishment. Half the internet isn't who they say they are and the other half just hasn't figured out how to do it.

You did nothing illegal, as you said and it doesn't seem like you scammed anyone.

What you do have (as you said) is depression. And that can cause all of these things, including feelings that you want to die. That is serious.

You have a girl that loves you. That is wonderful. Consider the life you could have with her. Get help. Ask for her support and you can do it together. That will make the journey easier.

You seem like a nice person. Nice people don't deserve to die.

good luck - Otter.

Many thanks again for the affection. I did not tell anyone about my family or girlfriend about this, I do not think they deserve this weight to carry. My girlfriend is with me shortly, I would not want to scare her.

Himura,

This is an older post now, but I do hope you read it. You are not a bad person, and you do not deserve to die. Please don't ever think that. I lied to people for a good portion of my life. It was wrong, and I had to own those wrongs, tell them the truth, and seek therapy. But, what I did in the past does not define me. I learned from those mistakes, sought professional help, and moved forward with my life. The hardest thing in the world is having to tell someone you lied about something, but it's the most freeing thing in the world once you tell them, you can start to heal, and you can divorce yourself from that mistake without suffocating from all the guilt. Anxiety arises when you have not owned something you have done wrong, and it weighs heavily on your soul. Shame and guilt - they are the worst feelings in the world. For me, personally, the pain of losing people over my lies was enough for me to seek help. I lost some people, while others understood, but I'm much better today. You can be too. Use your experiences to help other people and let this spark a greater compassion in you. Because of your mistakes and your wisdom, the world will always be a better place with you in it.

Wishing you the best,
Xyla