I've done some bad things

Hello everyone. I'll make my post simple

In the past I've abused animals (would never dream of doing it now)
When my parents abandoned me at 16 I was a prostitute for a week because I had no money to survive and also some 8 and half years ago slept with a friend for a small amount of money because I was desperate and had no money at that time to survive ... my parents are not loving and supportive so I had no one to turn to and lived far from friends plus I'm the type to not ask for help. I am disgusted with myself would never do it again. I've been with my partner nearly 8 years and married 2 years he urges me to forgive myself.................but how?
A year ago I hurt a 17 year old boy (with words) and I was 29 years old and should have known better than to make a 17 year old cry.

These are the reasons why I hate myself and want to die

How do I forgive myself???? like truly forgive myself. I have DEEP REMORSE ... I cry a lot , take antidepressants but no desire to do anything. I clean and wash myself but in other ways I don't look after myself (bad diet, no exercise, no interest to do anything, stay in house 24/7, no job)

Please help

It's tricky because it is a vicious cycle. Not feeling productive or looking after yourself make you feel more depressed, but then you feel too depressed to do those things. Perhaps you could go on some walks with your husband? Do you have a pet?

All you can do is put more love into the world. Reading your post I certainly don't feel you've done anything unforgivable/ irredeemable. You seem like a deeply caring person. Exchanging sex for money was, at the time, an economy necessity forced upon you by your parents when you were strictly still a child. It is absolutely understandable you would feel sad or even regretful about that, but it is not something that makes you a bad person in any respect. Your feelings of guilt and remorse are just feelings and do not prove that you deserve to suffer. Try to open yourself up to the possibility that you might just deserve happiness. I honestly don't think anyone here judges you as harshly as you do yourself.

Sprock is right about putting more love into the world. Think about it this way - do the things you've done in the past undermine any positive action you can make right now, today? No, of course not. The effects of positive action in the present are the same no matter what happened in your past.

Another way to see it is that you can use the remorse of your past as a catalyst for doing good things in the present (ideally how remorse should be used). That way, you re-associate what your past means, because it has the potential to trigger a positive chain of events.

So remorse should be seen as a tool, not a punishment. A harsh friend, not an enemy.

If you use remorse in the way it is supposed to be used (and how we humans have evolved to use it), that is productively, you can make the world a better place than it would have been without you, even with your past misdeeds.

You can do more good than harm in this life. Make it so.