**Trigger Warning for child rape/ child sexual abuse**
I recently watched a Ted Talk which I feel would be worth watching for some of you here.
It is a talk by a survivor and her rapist some two decades after the fact.
Some caveats ~ what this man did was worse, in both my opinion and the opinion of most of society, than what the vast majority on this forum did. He was an adult. His victim was a child (albeit two or three years younger than him). He raped her when she was semi-conscious in an act that would constitute rape across most of the world. The majority of us here (including myself) are survivors as well as perpetrators. I tend to speak far more about the assault I perpetrated than the assaults I have experienced - some of which may have contributed to, though in absolutely no way excused, my own inexcusable actions. The man in the video says that he was never victimised himself. It sounds not seem to be a case of a cycle of abuse being continued.
There are problems with the video. There is no talk of legal redress. I don't know whether Iceland or Australia have statues of limitation or whether the victim would have to turn him in. But it seems like there has been no legal punishment per se. That will be an issue for a lot of people. Also, the perp is the first one who speaks, which struck me as problematic. Some would argue (and have argued) that Ted Talks should not have been giving this man a platform full stop.
**However** why I think this is a useful video to post here is because:
1.) It shows that dialogue, truthfulness and accountability can be healing. Clearly both victim and perpetrator have reached a place of relative peace.
2.) Change is possible. Yes, the perp is still a rapist, but this does not constitute the whole of his personality and being. He seems more human for having gone through this process of accountability and speaking about what he did. We are confronted with his humanness and that he is not a monster/ sub-human.
3.) The majority of people are on-side with/ more forgiving of those abusers who own up to what they did and put real effort into changing. At the end of the talk the audience all stand up and applaud. Certainly some of these people might have been only applauding the survivor, however many must have been applauding the pair of them - and everyone would realise that such applause was an endorsement of the speech. No-one heckles or tries to attack the perp. If you look at the faces of the audiences, the vast majority seem attentive, sincere and sympathetic. When faced with real human beings, not stereotypes, most people will engage.
The talk is here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gyPoqFcvt9w
It is titled 'Our Story of Rape and Reconciliation'.
Please only watch it if you feel in a mentally stable enough space to do so.