Urgent help/ explanation needed

Over the past year I've had a lot go wrong for me etc. Losing people who have been close to me. I keep feeling an urge to think about this situation that I'm unsure if is true. When I was young I feel as if me and my brother who is 5 years younger than me I was probably around the age of 10 or younger. I feel as if we was being stupid and I put my Penis towards him and told him to put it in his mouth. When this happened we stopped straight away and that was that. However this is driving me crazy and I cannot cope I need help with this.

I'm not sure there is a definite explanation for what you did as a young child. The fact is young children are odd and often impulsive, copying things they see on television or know from adults. A certain amount of exploration between siblings is relatively common and though it become more complex and more likely to be framed as abuse the older the older sibling is and the larger the age gap, it sounds like not much transpired in your case and personally I doubt your brother remembers it. You should not have to feel bound by your behaviour as a young child when your brain was still in development and you had not had the chance to learn the self-reflection you have now as an adult. I think the best thing you can do (esp. considering that <10 is rightfully below the criminal age of responsibility in most countries) is to be the best sibling you can be today to your brother.

Thanks for the reply. I feel as if I suffer with many symptoms of ocd I have been reading on this matter and heard that situations like this can be sometimes made up in your head. I cannot fully remmeber if this event was true I just find myself keeping revisiting it and I don't understand why or where it has come from. I quite often get these strange thoughts in my head about things like this and I don't know why